ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

I am older that most of you and don't have a present fbuddy. On the other hand, I have male pals, unfortunately not local, and none presently after my bod, schniff.

But I've had more fun than a lot of people, so it isn't appropriate to whine.

And, y'never know. Someone reasonable may be just around the corner.

Tomorrow is another day.

Tis true.

Well hey, it took a few years getting to this point, but I've gotta say:

This solo living is really quite good!
It has grown on me!
In fact, I love it!

What a huge surprise after spending most of my adult life deeply submerged in one relationship or another. This is SO EASY! Why on earth didn't I do this earlier?



So, how's it going with you, then?

I reckon you've just got to make the most of it. Being single is less complicated than being part of a couple, and cheaper as well. Although I would jump at the chance to go on a date with a good woman, I've learned to not get depressed about my 4 year lack of one. I've generally given up trying, to avoid disappointment.

Ah, but Grand Duke, if it's a loving relationship you crave it'll eventually come to you! Things have this way of happening! But it's a shame not to make the most of your life, whatever is happening, don't you think?

Me, well this is a bit of a novelty, really. I used to think of "relation-less" times as sort of in between times. It's been years & years of long, drawn out two-somes! It never occurred to me that this could feel so .. well, easy! Mind you, it's taken a few years of solo life to reach here!

Absolutely. I've simply learned how to mentally downgrade "craving" a relationship into "wouldn't mind" a relationship. It lets me enjoy the other things in my life a lot more when I see them as a positive part, rather than them suffering from a lack of a woman. Anyway, I've waited this long, so a few more weeks/months/years won't make much difference!

Right! Smart thinking, GD!

well some of you may have been reading my story on another thread.
Although not yet technically single its looking more and more more likely that im joining the single club and to fraqnk and honest .IT SCARES THE LIVING **** OUTTA ME !!! I have sorry had everything i ever wanted in life ,a wife and 2 kids and it was everything i ever yearned for ,call me old fashioned if you like.

But i loved the togetherness,the touchy feeely stuff,the chat,the company and most of all a snuggle down before sleep.Not having that scares me ,its ok saying you love the freedom but i miss the sharing and doing things together.Today is the 1st ann of my wifes,ex wife whatever fathers death and i wanted to be there for her to comfort her hold her an reaassure her but shes out with my boys at her mums and im all alone here bored and wanting to help but i cant.

forgot to add the sex how do icope with none?also my mate laughed that the last time i went hunting lol i was 6 paked,flowing locks and after anything 17+



now im going grey ,bald,podgy and looking at 40 year olds ....
oh boy!

All I can do is urge you to relax, Ukman, people will come along who like and appreciate you for yourself. Keeping in shape is good, as it tends to make people feel a bit better, but being in shape doesn't mean one is a greater human being.

Ah, ukman, you are going through some tough stuff! My sympathy.

It will all settle down & become a bit more real with a bit of time. No need to rush into finding a new partner ... actually it's a sure-fire recipe for big mistakes, looking for a quick replacement. For some reason, I've noticed, men tend to do this a lot more than women, who tend to give themselves time to grieve & recover. This is an excellent time to do something you've wanted to do for ages but haven't had be able to do. Trust me!

Ah, the endless stages of separation and really, really becoming alone ....

Yesterday a friend told me that my ex was getting married again! She was concerned about how I might react to this news & was ever so tactful in divulging the information. Me, I'm gobsmacked & I'm not sure why. I mean, it's quite a few years now since the actual separation & bit by bit I've been determinably withdrawing from any contact with him. For the past year I've been super determined in avoiding any contact: phone, email or personal. It just reminds me of very bad times & that, of course, makes me feel less than wonderful. So I'd been feeling pretty good about putting that part of my life behind me & getting to really enjoy the independence of my solo life. Imagine how surprised I was to discover how undermined & sad this news made me feel .... suddenly I felt insecure & vulnerable, doubted my ability to cope alone & saw my current life as a bit of a mess! And I don't feel much better today. This is very confusing. Why should this news undermine me so? Anyone whose been there & done that who can shed any light on this (temporary, I hope!) set-back?

((msolga))...i dont have any advice just best wishes. ii am young and in experienced - stumbling along directionless...but i'm sure you'll get over it current state of feeling not-so-good.

Just saw this thread - it's a such a beautiful, happy-sad thread.....

Thank you, chinmayee_s

I will put you good wishes to excellent use.

Actually, I've been following your thread and quietly hoping that you find the solution that best suits you. You've been very brave. Good luck!

<sigh> I know what you mean. When I broke up with D, and he started going out with some one else, I went through exactly the same emotions.

But I learned to get over it pretty quickly - being a hard nosed bastard really helps I guess.

Hi
Iam 30 and have been single all this while. From my experience living alone can be very painful. The worst part is o return to an empty flat. I remember I used to turn on the TV real loud the moment I would walk into my apartment just so I could hear voices. My single status also forced me to stay in office till late almost everyday. Can be rather depressing.

NO!!! you are a great person and better away from a relationship that was wrong. It does rock the foundations a bit if an ex finds someone else but you are still you - read the positive comments again that you've made about the single life and see. You'll adjust once the first shock wears off and see it in its proper perspective.

As one who feels undermined quite easily I know how you feel. It's temporary,

oh, msolga. i guess it catches us unprepared no matter how much time passes. monster got engaged in september, only a year after we broke up. that alone i minded less than the idea that someone else, some stranger, is going to have his kids, dunno why, but that's what i kept thinking about. met him in nyc last week - he was at a friend's birthday party even though he said he'd be out of town. he knew i'd be there, he knew i thought he wouldn't be there. quite a shock, but we ended up chatting for a long time, laughing.... that's what i miss the most. the fun that we shared. bloody hell. didn't help one bit. only made me miss him more.

Oh yes, msolga, I remember going through that many years ago when my first fiance and I split up and about a year or so later, he married. I was SO over him, until his wedding, and then, devestated, I actually cried about it.
In hindsight, I think it was my ego that was more bruised than anything. How dare he find someone to marry before me? I imagined others talking about it, snickering, and for a short while, I felt unloveable but then, I got dressed, went out, the men were all over me and just like that, I was over it.
What you need is an egoboost to get yourself in check.