Re: nonsense
msolga wrote:Wilso wrote:worthy wrote:it is I think nonsense to defend the idea of being alone. Come on we are humans and we can not live without someone listening our complaints,hopes.feelings.Especially opposite sex is integral part of our life which is very very long......
Very damned long when you're terminally lonely.
It's not necessarily DEFENDING the idea of living alone, worthy. It's more about choosing a way of life that best suits a person, from the options available . If, for example, your relationship was a demoralizing or particularly unhappy one, living alone can be a sheer relief. It has been for me. Not necessarily easy at all times, but definitely a better situation than the one I was in. I was actually lonelier in the terminal stages of my last, long relationship than I am alone.
And as for sharing your life & thoughts, well many of us do that with friends & do the same for them ... And often solid friendships outlive more than one marriage.
Some of us prefer more "space" than others. I guess the trick is to be CHOOSING to live alone, eh? Not doing it because you feel you have no option.
My job involves extremely intense interaction with people (clients and staff) all day - while I sometimes quite like to be able to babble about things to someone else at the end of the day, I NEED "decompression" time - I am awful if MORE intense interaction is required of me immediately after work - and often I just want to be alone. Or, these days, sometimes a bit of net discussion fits the bill, because it is paced at my speed and intensity - and does not, generally, involve the energy of "real" interaction.
Really, I am happy living alone - as long as the interaction I need is available when I want it. I am also happy living with others - as long as they are compatible. At this stage of my life, having spent most of my life living with other people, I am enjoying the aloneness. But there ar eplenty of people in my life. It would be not good to live alone if they were not there.
msolga wrote:I may be wrong here, but it seems (from what I see around me) that men often have a more difficult time coping alone than women. I don't know why that is, but I've seen a number of men I know settle for relationships that aren't necessarily satisfying ones, rather than be on their own. My women friends have tended to cope a lot better on their own after the break up of a marriage or relationship. And been a lot more careful about entering any new relationship. I wonder why that is?
Hmmm - research bears you out - women DO cope better than men, emotionally, alone - men tend to be better off financially. Of course, this trend does not say how an individual man or woman will be - there are lots of very needy women around, who MUST have a man - no matter what he is like.
I seem to know lots of very independent fellas, meself, though.
Most of my male friends have good friendship networks and are very capable of managing on their own - they don't ever seem to have to for long, though!
It takes a while, but bit by bit things improve, change ... & you no longer define yourself by who you were in that relationship. Besides, the demands of life can really keep you on your toes! I can now say, in all honesty, that I feel a more whole person than I did in the woeful last years of a deteriorating relationship. It has been quite liberating ... Sure, scarey at times, but definitely liberating. Hang in there!