I was very ernest about the whole thing, Deb! Love would conquer all!
.. Ah well ... <sigh> that's what I was like as a young, romantic thing!
Hmmmm - we are SOMEBODY in the future's dark ages, nonetheless!
Such an optimist I be.....
msolga wrote:I was very ernest about the whole thing, Deb! Love would conquer all!
Thank heaven we live & learn!
msolga wrote:I'd be interested to hear if any men here have thoughts on this ....
I think that women do have more sources of emotional support than men. As to whether men actually need/want more support, well that is a different matter. I rarely talk about such matters with any of my friends or family and I don't feel any less close to them as a result. Speaking on behalf of most men I know, personal problems are exactly that -
personal - and are sorted out in your own head. Asking for advice from an outside party would be an absolute last resort for many men.
Thanks for putting it down in black and white, Grand Duke.
There are some men who could learn from women and start talking about their problems more. It might help stop them getting so angry about things.
GD - my father was never one to get chatty about personal stuff. But, as an older man, he faced angina and angioplasty and all the recovery to health that goes with that. He then became a font of support (info and emotional) for men he knew who faced similar issues. Then he developed prostate cancer and turned to a large group of men for support (again, both info and emotional). He's since been much more interested in discussing personal issues with family and friends.
It's good news that your father 'changed his ways' to the benefit of himself and the others he has helped through the groups.
Perhaps many men find that when they really need to talk through a problem (like littlek's father) they simply don't know where to start because they haven't done it before.
Women must get loads of practice talking about less important stuff, which means that they can sort out the important stuff a lot easier when the need arises.
GD - I do think he didn't know where to start when he was first experience his heart disease. He dropped me off at the airport and checked himself into the hospital. The first thing anyone in the family knew about his angina was when he told my mother on the way to the hosptial.
I'm pleased he found his release through support groups.
I understand (without any 'hard facts' at hand) that suicide is most common amongst young men aged 18-25, which is probably the demographic group least likely to talk to their friends or family about their problems. There is a lot of peer pressure on men of that age to 'be hard' and deal with problems in a macho way. Couple that with a fact that all women already know - men are emotionally retarded (and the younger they are the worse it is) - and you've got a recipe for brooding like no other.
That these guys can end up topping themselves as a result of not being able to talk about and solve their problems is quite sad.
That is sad. I think that that age group has the highest suicide rates for women too.
I didn't grow up with the dichotomy that most do, as in my own house things were different if not weirder. For much of my memory of my childhood through adolescence my parents didn't talk much, although I have probably blown up just a few years time in all of it. They had frozen opinions, pretty much, by the time I was forming wanting to talk about things, and then they got ill, which cut things short.
My father was generous by nature and that was fine when he earned a lot and deepdoodoo when he was out of work.
Well, ne'er mind, I could go on all day, but trying to represent your mind in words, that is, talking, is not so easy when you must make words count... women may be better at just letting them flow to pick out which ones they like.
My father was expressive in writing, though somewhat silenced by my mother by some kind of guilt that I can't pin down now, and sometimes expressive in talking past his quietness. He died a long time ago and I didn't adhere enough, looking back, to his words, though I did some. Not to blame myself, exactly, I was just a person for my age, but I wish, wish, wish, I could go back a bit.
What I was trying to say.. er... was that my father, for all his quietness, expressed his inner self fairly well, I say in retrospect, and I have now a greater sense of him than her.
My mother talked more but ... no, I won't say said less, but I feel she got caught on some kind of believing/following track and never thought as independently as my father did.
She had quite an organized set of rules on how things should be, though she was a gentle person, not at all punitive. He looked askance at rules and accepted some of them "in the meantime".
Daggnabit, I'd like to talk at length with them now, or wait, no, I need to get smarter...
osso, that was quite a couple of posts. I wish I knew my parents better AND they're still here for me to ask questions of. Maybe I should try asking some Qs now.
That was interesting, osso. I often wonder about my parents as people, as opposed to parents, these days, too.
Well, I was riffing in my way, with no aforethought when I do that, but it's true. There is a lot of pain with me and m'parents.
I of course am a mix of them,
gulp.
Same here, osso, same here ...... <sympathetic gulp>
