Yep, I did. And that happened not long after they'd repaid me a thousand dollars that I'd lent them a year before, and never once asked for!
Well, Wilso - you'll just have to hit the city more often!
I was going to say the "big smoke", but that's down your way!
My husband and I have been married long long time, but mostly the reason for that is we are away from each other a lot. Always, I've been the one to talk, talk to him about my days my plans and dreams, he listens but doesn't like to talk about his workadays. I've boosted myself through life talking to this man, he supports me, and if he thinks I can do what (ever I'm about to do) then I KNOW I can.
He has his music, golf, I ride my horse. I bring all kinds of animals home, always, and he loves & cares for them. We have separate friends and bring them all together now and then.
We pretty much do what we want. He cooks a lot, sometimes I clean the garage, fix & paint things, then we switch and do the other. Mainly, we eat well, like kings, formal table, flowers. But we've always done this. We both like to dig in the yard, planting stuff.
Our life has been hell at times but he is my mate. I've never lived alone and don't think I'd like it much, but I admire single women in my life who've had to find ways to survive and not only survive but fly high. Men, too.
Actually, I have a horror of being alone as I am very much a thinking person, a talking person. And, I would eat snacks, no meals. Say it again, I very much admire you single people. Hope you have a good holiday, fix yourself a great meal.
Tex-Star
Now THAT sounds a very good relationship you have there! I'm impressed! It sounds SO SANE!
UH OH!
I received a phone call from my mother yesterday, pressuring me to attend Christmas lunch with my sister's family & her. I haven't done this for about 5 years now, as the family has virtually disintegrated since my father's death, over 10 years ago.
It's a long story, which I won't go into detail right now, but basically I have never gotten on well with either of them. I did my best with them for years but gave up when it seemed pointless & made me feel too awful.
Neither of them likes me, really, & I've only been contacted in recent years if there's an illness or a family problem. My mother even changed my father's will after his death, to my detriment. Ughhhh, a long, ugly story & the best way that I've been able to cope over recent years has been to cut contact to a minimum.
NOW my mother has this fantasy that we can act like a *happy family* & it makes me nervous! I feel I should go through this because my mother is getting quite old & may not live for much longer. BUT it won't be easy. Guess I'll just have to grin & bear it. Rather not do it at all, though.
Any advice on surviving this in one bit?
Dammit, margo, I was SERIOUSLY toying with the idea of a visit with you & Possum! (Flatty allowing) And now this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a bummer!
Phooooey!
I was expecting you - I even warned Poss that he had to be on his best behaviour, and at least make some attempt at being social!
Msolga - YOU HAVE A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT!
You cannot go to your mum's - this year - you are sorry - you are off to Sydney - you will pop in after Christmas.
Fixed?
xmas time is NOT the time to make ammends, regardless of what greeting cards are advertizing. I agree with Deb, meet with her after xmas.
I agree with dlowan and littlek. Don't risk your holiday being ruined. Plan to meet with your mother early in the new year and your sister after that. Take them on one at a time.
There ya go.
If I may go off on a bit of a tangent, something I'd wanted to say re: Wilso's comments but didn't have time was brought to mind by farmerman's very affecting post about the friend he recently lost.
I have a wonderful, wonderful husband who I love a great deal and who I am very grateful for, but I have the fewest good friends around me of any time in my life and it really affects me, a lot. I realized that part of what is happening is that since kindergarten or so (seriously), most of my friends have come to me. I have been in some sort of social situation, (neighborhood, school, dorm, work), and some of the people I happen to be interacting with pursue a friendship with me.
Once I am in a friendship, I give 100% -- it's not that I just sit there and passively receive friendship -- but it seems like all of my friends have found me, rather than vice versa.
I didn't really realize this until I moved here from L.A., 6 months pregnant, didn't know nobody. And then had a small baby, so socializing was difficult. I'm not in any consistent social situation, not like I have been in the past -- just monthly this, bi-monthly that. And I've had to go out and FIND friends, which is a new and scary experience for me.
The scary part is rejection, which I have been shielded from thus far, pretty much. E.G. is the opposite, he moved around a lot as a kid and HAD to go and meet people. He knows how to just go ahead and do it, and if they aren't receptive, ah well, move on to the next person. He sometimes comes on too strong IMO, but he has a lot of good friends, the people who find him amusing rather than off-putting.
I have had a really hard time navigating this whole friendship thing. I've talked some about the parents of the sozlet's best friend who live across the street -- that's about the biggest risk I have taken thus far, friendship-wise, and it's gone well. There was a period about a month ago when I thought it wasn't going to work out and I was just crushed. I hadn't felt that terrible since like high school. It turned out to be a misunderstanding, not at all what I had thought, to my immense relief.
But I still can't get used to not having a big pool of people who KNOW me and are at least friendly acquaintances if not friends. I went to a committee meeting last night and was blatantly lied to, to my face... I called the person on it, she changed the subject, I stewed, I looked around at several people I considered friends for some "can you believe THAT?" eye contact, and nobody would look at me. Studiously avoiding eye contact. I realized this whole group of people I have been friendly with for over a year don't really know me, and I was really pissed off. Was ready to just get up and walk out of there, f*** 'em.
I didn't. I got ahold of myself. I left the room for a while, took some deep breaths. I did have some after-the-fact email sympathy from one person. But the point, to bring it back to this thread, is that I really understood Wilso's attitude in that moment, how difficult it is to put yourself out there with the knowledge that you are giving people power to hurt you. That sucks.
Unfortunately, the alternative -- having no friends -- sucks even worse.
dlowan, littlek, eoe & margo
I've already said I'll go. Not for my mother's sake, but for mine. I have this terrible fear that my mother will die before I see her again. I don't think I could cope with myself if that happened. Things would have finished on such an ugly note. Awful!
I don't want to go, just feel it's something I MUST do & I'll cope the best I can. I've avoided this for 5 years now, once saying I'd go then reneging at the last minute.
I hope I haven't offended you, margo, but I was still in the stages of considering Sydney when my mother rang. Flatty's health & all that to consider ....
Right now all I want is for it to be over, to know that I've done it & won't have to feel so anxious at avoiding it for so long.
Speaking of anxiety: On a scale of 1 to 10 I suspect I'm a 10 today
... Waiting for a response to a job application & suspecting the worst, worrying about $$$ if I don't land a job soon (very competitive in my field & they'd need to pay me considerably more than some straight out of college), contact from my ex this week & endless reports to complete by Monday. And now my mother. I feel almost ill with anxiety. Awful!
soz
Oh how awful for you! I'm so sorry that that happened. At times like that you miss good friends so much.
I read farmerman's thread about his friend, too. It made me cry. <sigh>
Hugs to you msolga. What a lot to deal with, indeed!
I know what you mean about your mom. You probably will be happy that you've done this in retrospect, as unpleasant as it may be. And if your expectations are so low, who knows, maybe it'll turn out much better than you expected!
Thanks for your sympathy. Yeah, I miss having good friends around, a lot. I am still in email contact with previous good friends, or current good friends who are geographically far away now, but it ain't the same.
Olga
There's always alcohol!
margo wrote:Olga
There's always alcohol!
After the event, margo, after .....
soz
thank you for the hug & your kind words. I'm doing my best to calm myself here!
Panicking isn't making anything easier, I can tell you!
And no, it's not the same without good friends, I know ... I felt the same after my ex & I broke up, my closest friend left to work overseas & others were not around during the summer vacation. It can be quite lonely.
Here's a hug back to you
(((((((((HUG)))))))))))
How was that? Feel a bit better?
Hmmm - well, do as you must, Msolga, and I hope it works out much better than you have dared to hope.
Er - any problem with having, even a phantom, prior engagement for the evening, so that you can escape gracefully and without offence if it is as bad as you fear? (If you have a nourishing and nurturing real one, so much the better! You will deserve it.)
I know exactly what you mean - I still have nightmares, 11 years on, that my father is ALIVE and demanding and needy - the GUILT...oy veh! it is actually very much easier - in very real ways - to lose a parent you have a really good relationship with. By all means, protect your future mental health by doing what you need to now. But - please, DO look after yourself as much as you can????!!!!
And crossing everything re the job!
msolga, if it helps, I can come over and be yr date !!!
