Now going mad

You're just going through the grieving process and it does feel like a descent into madness at times. I hope you are getting counseling and surrounding yourself with people who understand what a difficult time this is for you. The only thing I can assure you is that the intensity of pain does not last forever.

I've posted this before to other grieving people, but I think it says it best: When you are first hit with the death of a loved one, it is like a giant boulder has been dropped on your chest. Over time the boulder gets smaller and smaller until finally it is just a pebble. The pebble never goes away, but your life does resume itself and you will be able to love and laugh again.

No, it isn't madness but I'm sure it seem as such.

I'm not sure if the arguments going on around you relate to your husband's death or to other family dynamics -- some families don't do well in the same room even under good circumstances -- but you're well within your rights to ask/insist that they put a cork in it. I know that takes energy you don't have right now, but letting those around you know that they are hurting you further is not a bad thing.

Funerals are for the living. They're supposed to help bring closure. I don't necessarily prescribe to that thought, but I do know that waiting for them to happen is hell.

There are three things in life that bring out the worst in families............births, weddings and deaths. All the emotional "stuff" that have built up in every family over the years seem to spill over at a time when people are most vulnerable.

This knowledge may be a comfort to you, knowing this kind of scenario is not peculiar to you.

You will get through this, and your life will continue on an ever firmer footing. Hang in. We care!

Of course you're mad--both "mad as angry" and "mad as insane".

Your husband's untimely death puts you at odds with the universe--as it should. He was too young to die. You have done nothing to deserve spending the rest of your life without him and raising two children alone.

You are angry. Under the numbness you are angry. The numbness is protecting you from hasty, inadvisable action.

As for "insane"? Perhaps.

Temporary insanity is usually used to excuse Crimes of Passion. The murderer is temporarily overcome by rage and while in this state kills an erring spouse or a taunting rival or a long-time, persecuting enemy.

You aren't going to commit a Crime of Passion, but right now your grief is so overwhelming that you aren't part of the rest of the world.

Why should you be a part of the rest of the world right now? Your husband is dead. You are left alone. Your family--whom you hoped would carry some of the load for a time--is using your grief and sorrow as a jumping off point to renew old animosity.

Because of your husband's death, your universe has become an unfamiliar place. Until you learn the new rules, you're going to be a stranger in a strange land. "Insane" as in "doesn't relate to the world" is an applicable word here.

If you were able to function as usual under the circumstances there would be something badly wrong. Your feelings are normal.



Hold your dominion.

visited the field where the ashes are to be placed. fine. Came home and had an arguement with brother in law.

Now smoking and drinking too much!

My son was ill last night and this morning - throwing up - god how can I be strong when I feel sh*t.

The paper work keeps coming and I keep trying to answer but am not doing a good job. Yep I am a failure all round!

Ok maybe need more time but time and people don't seem to wait!

Will keep plugging on

Black Tulip

You're doing just fine, Black tulip. However much you are able to handle on a day by day basis is precisely how much you should handle that day.... check that - even a bit less than the limit. Save something for you.

JPB has the right pacing. One day at a time--and that day should be taken slowly with great care.

Your son's resistance for the local microbes is probably very, very low. Wiping up barf and comforting an ill child all night long aren't tasks for romantic grieving.

Of course you can't ignore the barf and the misery, either.

Do the best you can.

Is your brother-in-law your husband's brother or is he married in on your side of the family? He sounds worse for decent grieving than an upchucking child.

Keep and eye on your smoking and drinking--but this is not the time for Cold Turkey Self Improvement.

One day at a time. So, you're late with paperwork? What will "they" do if you are late with paperwork? You're currently exploring the hell of unexpected widowhood--"they" can't beat that pain.

Do your best--angels can do no more.

Hold your dominion.

Did you get that from the Kung Fu tv show?

Yes Grasshopper.

At least your comments bring a slight cheer to me.

Brother in law gone finally! Mum still here goes on Sunday. On my own from then on! Am struggling with the phone company, as I am trying to get rid of ISDN etc. just a never ending battle! just hope they don't cut my Broadband!

Time and Tide waits for no man!

Black Tulip--

Being bereft of Brother-in-law sounds like a dandy idea. Is he one of those men who can be most supportive at a distance?

More let me see, no he is no help what so ever! My children are more stronger than him!

Black Tulip--

At least your b-i-l is no longer your problem.

Of course your kids have internal strength--that's the way you raised them.

Ok am really going down and down! The car has now died completely and have to get a new one! with no money coming in at the moment this is a difficult one, so credit card here I come!

Drank a bottle of wine last night, wish I hadn't as feel yuk now, smoking has given me a bad chest and sore throat - do I care! not for me but do for my children and it is for them I must try to be rational! rational what is rational? what is the norm? don't know anymore.

Keep hoping I will wake from this nightmare I am in but it doesn't happen!

Remember how strong you were when you gave birth. That was hard wasn't it. You never realized how strong you really were. You can be that strong again.

Credit card may not be the best option. Examine your need for a car, are there alternatives? Examine your credit options.

Maybe use the credit to fix your car?
Or at least have it examined.

It may be something that is relatively cheap to fix..

Black tulip--

Unfortunately you are in the Real World, distasteful as it may be.

The car up and died? You're getting your troubles over with early this year.

I gather you're fairly isolated and a car is a necessity? Rather than use a high-interest credit card, try talking to your friendly local bank. They may have little nor no compassion for young widows with no money coming in, but they just might.


Sometimes life is just one damn thing after another--and even wild and wicked living with wine and nicotine doesn't bring much lingering satisfaction.

You're in Hell right now and it will be a long slough through barren days to come out on the other side.

We'll be howling tonight. If you can't join us, we'll howl for your.

Hold your dominion.

am afraid car is a necessity where I live! Spoke to the bank and they suggested credit card was the best as want to pay it off as soon as life insurance is paid.

Went to court to get probate yesterday had to do an oath and just kept crying! Did manage it in the end!

Yeah Noddy give a howl for me as my howl will be pitiful! Want a new life I, not this one! Take me back a year but let me keep all this knowledge! yeah and pigs might fly!

No more alcohol drinking for me felt rough this morning and only had one bottle of wine just can not do that! need to save the pennies!

Thanks everyone who has responded, you do help honest, just let me ramble!

ramblers are some of my favorite folk.