Now going mad

Black Tulip--

You and I and King Lear on the blasted heath--and Cordelia along to cope with King Lear.

Are you going to howl with the Coyote Women Saturday night?

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=Coyote&gbv=2

They aren't picturesque animals, but they are practical with good senses of humor.

Howl, Howl and Howl girl! Let's make them all hear us!

I think they are beautiful and practical. Just like us...

Black Tulip--

Good!

Noddy, Happy Easter to you and yours. I am taking the children to the Cinema today to see Spiderwych and pizza afterwards.

Tough day yesterday. My son kept getting moody, my daughter said she can not cry her body won't let her!

My son has congenital heart disease, he was born with it. He has had many ops. he had Transposition of the greater arteries, co-arctation of arch of aorta ( this could reoccur, we have been told), all these were operated on successfully when he was 8 days old, as a result he has a mishapen heart and mild leaks in many of his heart valves but copes so well. He has yearly check ups, this years hasn't come through after ringing the hospital they have missed him of the list so is now scheduled for May. I don't want him to worry that he will go like my husband. It is hard getting the balance right of doing the right or wrong things to say.

I am really annoyed at the powers that be, for not just keeping the system going. Just give us the appointment as they have always done. Last year my son had an MRI scan as the specialist thought there was some swelling in the aorta. I had to chase for those results! Arrgh Arrgh ok cool now.

Getting ready to walk the dog then off to cinema! Enjoy

Black tulip--

I've had worse Easters. One valuable aspect of a first, disasterous marriage is that a provident woman accumulates enough Horrid Low Points to offer cheering comparisons for the rest of her life.

My son did send me some very sad news. His younger brother was pronounced brain dead on Christmas day several years ago. He had just learned that his adopted stepbrother died last weekend, probably from a reaction to painkillers he'd been prescribed for as-yet-undiagnosed condition.

I'm quite fond of my son's stepmother--although I have little use for her husband--but I can ache for them both.

Did you manage your first holiday as a widow? I think I heard you howling on Saturday. Good.

Oh Noddy, I am so sorry to hear your news, I send you my good thoughts and blessings.

The Easter was hard, odd and horrible. But Children keep me going.

May your dreams keep you going and I send you my loveX

Black tulip--

Thanks for the kind thoughts, but believe me, melancholy is not as gut-wrenching as fresh grief. I wrote my Ex a short sympathy note and my sympathy for his wife is completely sincere.

I asked my son what I could do to help--and was told that writing a note would be helpful. So I summoned up my graciousness and wrote a note.

My clothes dryer up and quit on Saturday, but a new one will be delivered tomorrow. Small joys.


You made it through the first major holiday. The next one will be a bit easier--not unalloyed joy, but easier.

Keep holding.

Good on you girl.

Have you got your clothes dryer yet?

Bury ashes on Sunday. Picking Mum up from the Station, she's 75 and is like a whirl wind - lots of energy! So she will keep me on my toes.

Have times of deep crying and then get on, so keep holding on to sanity although insanity sometimes beckons and could be a relieve!

Took children to cinema on Monday, watched Spiderwyck movie they loved it and we ate nacho's, popcorn and pizza so really pigged out!

Black tulip--

The dryer arrived and is finally hooked up. The drum is much larger than the drum of the old dryer and the inside finish is white instead of camouflage gray. I can think of many more interesting ways to spend money, but having a dryer again is bliss.

Will you be burying ashes or scattering ashes?

Junk food is good for grieving children.

Hold your dominion.

Great to hear you have the dyer, these things make life easier.

Ashes are to be buried they are in a Willow urn.

Stand fast

Black Tulip

Will be thinking of you Sunday when you bury the ashes. My heart aches for you with all you have been through. But everthing will be much better for you in time but everyone has to go through a grieving period when losing a loved one. Hugs and know that I am thinking of you.
Went to the foot doctor today because of a heel spur. Oh my, it is so painful but had a cortisone injection and the pain was tremindous but got through it. Hoping it will be much better tomorrow.

Jodie, a heel spur can really painful you look after yourself. No running any marathons!

Have a HUGE Hug backX

Black tulip--



http://www.bluesforpeace.com/lyrics/willow-weep-for-me.htm


Medical day here: Blood work, doctor's visit and taking Mr. Noddy to have his toenails trimmed.

Thus far the new dryer does not eat socks.

Noddy that is beautiful, thank you.

Cried a lot today as we have sorted some clothes and shoes, kept wanting to keep them all but only scratched the surface. Life just seems so pointless at times! Went through photos and burnt some and kept loads. Found some pamphlet of when my husband used to race vintage motor bikes, lovely to see his name in print and his handwritten comments beside it.

I often come home and try to find him and can't, I know he is dead but one to see/find him in some form or another. Suppose I have as have the children. I want to hear his voice one more time, feel his embrace and smell him again! I'll get there but will certainly be a different person than I was.

People say "its good to see you getting out and about and not sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself!" I want to shout at them - Well I have to get out for the children's sake and I don't feel sorry for myself! I miss him that is the end of it! But I don't I just say I have to and I am managing! I want to be able to sleep without interruption, and wake refreshed to know all is ok but nothing is ok! It just is.

I have read some of your thread and you are a strong person - not by choice but have had to be. You deserve some joy and comfort and it will be yours. No-one can take your thoughts and Mr N will learn - may be the hard way. But if not accept the help and chase your own dreams now. Believe me you need to. Do not let your dreams be empty ones for life is too short, you deserve to follow your dreams.

Keep safe X

Black tulip--

You have to move on--even when bystanders underestimate the effort that daily life involves.

Do you have weekend plans?

Am getting there. Interred ashes yesterday, beautiful ceremony. My son couldn't go as he has been ill so he went to Izzie's and stayed there all day and had a great time.

Time and Tide waits for no man!

In perfect Love, peace and trust
Black Tulip X

Black tulip--

My thoughts are with you.

Hello Black tulip. Just popping in to say hello, and to see, what's been happening. How's work? Kids? Automobile?
Your probally still rowing upstream. Keep rowing.
Keep in touch.

Hi Alex,

yep still rowing up stream and a real hard slog it is! Kids are doing well, I commence work properly next Tuesday when the children go back to school as they have been on school hols.

It is hard when I have to sort my husbands clothes, I can only do a bit at a time as I can see him wearing each piece of item I fold and then I just end up breaking down!

I take my son for his heart check up on the 8th May (he has congenital heart disease) so that will be another hurdle to cope with on my own. So must try to stay strong for him and my daughter.

Am going to do a little gardening today and buy some paint for my daughters room, she wants a bronze coloured wall! Now off to take dog out, thanks again for keeping in touch and keeping me sane

X

Black tulip--

Bits of mundane reality build a new future.

You're using proper oars for rowing against the current.

Hold your dominion.