No no Boida, please don't worry about anything like that, no-one must think that, it couldn't be farther from the truth. I would not be getting upset or angry with anyone here, I really do value all your opinions and I know you are thinking of me. What you said is correct - I was expecting it, I kinda knew it was going to throw me too, but I've been thrown for a little while now for various reasons and I'm not quite right, but that's nothing new.
Thank you all for listening and for taking the time to respond. You all make a difference, I know that must seem hard to understand, but you really do and have made a difference.
I'm muted now in realtime and cyberly, shut down, and I know I'm in quicksand, I don't know how to get out of it, but I know I have to shut it, everything, down for a while. I'm sure it won't last long (much to the annoyance of some no doubt - but hey ho)
The meeting with SocS is May 6th - I need to be up and running by then or I'll be no use to R at all - not that I am anyway, maybe just in my head.
I also am having to borrow a laptop as mine are broken. I will be back, I just don't know when. I have nothing remotely worthwhile to say right now and what I do say isn't going to change anything, not for me or anyone else, not at the moment.
so enough now.