Emotional Relationship at Work

That sounds like a very great idea.

Have you ever thought that maybe she does get it, but wants you to think she doesn't.

I don't think one needs to have the same thing happen to them to imagine how they would feel if the situations were reversed.

I know I couldn't imagine being ok with my spouse going out at night to meet with another woman, especially if it was an on going thing.

If she truly doesn't get it, then maybe you need yourself a female friend to hang out with at night and see if she gets it then.

I'm not one for playing games, but what's good for the goose, ya know ;-)

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In her mind, there's nothing wrong with it because there's nothing going on between the two of them. Regardless, I don't think it's right and she won't get it until someone else explains it to her or she goes through it herself.

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I agree.

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In her mind, there's nothing wrong with it because there's nothing going on between the two of them.

No, this is what she wants you to believe.

Have you ever thought about just showing up at the isolated place she chooses to meet Bill at....the bar, or the place where she tans, or even a last minute thought of going to lunch with the two of them?

See what kinda reception or response you'd get out of that?

I've read all the post, she's a grown women who knows full well what she's doing, and is manipulating the situation using her past history as justification for her actions and her ignorance of your feelings.

The text messages and the journal even as absent minded as they both (her and Bill) tried to present themselves was her way of trying to provoke you enough to give her reason to cry on Bill's shoulder. Seriously, if she was trying to prove you as distrusting, all she had to write in her journal was..."Couldn't leave well enough alone, could ya?" You'd got the point she was trying to make as she put it. Too much thought in those journal entries.....

I wish you the best of luck, but your going to have to get to the bottom of this to find the peace of mind your looking for.

And one more thing: When your gut is telling you something, you need to listen to it.....it's usually right.

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I wish I didn't, but I agree completely 1000% with MMS!

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Dyna, I know you love your wife and want so badly to believe her, but I think you're setting yourself up for a big fall.

I had forgotten about the phone thing with Bill and that alone was enough for me to see that she's the one who lying.

I've been manipulated enough times in my life to know the signs and there are red flags going up everywhere with her.

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Granted were reading about the situation, and from reading...I wish I hadn't of developed that inclination to think that she's up to no good. I don't tend to think that everyone is untrustworthy.....

But I have been around too many similiar situations in my life and learned along time ago, if it smells like ****, and looks like ****, than its usually ****.

As as kid, I saw my step-father sleep around on my mother, I have friends that have done this to their wives/husbands and have dealt with my sister also. I've heard and saw every excuse in the book.

I'm a people watcher by nature, and its funny at what you can learn by just sitting quietly and .......watching.

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I think we're sisters MMS!

I've had my own experiences and with bartending for 4 years, I saw whatever that was left that I hadn't experienced myself and this is something I've sadly seen more times than I wish I had.

I've always been curious to know what makes people tick, so I'm there with the people watchers.

It just doesn't look good from here.

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

Quote:
Have you ever thought about just showing up at the isolated place she chooses to meet Bill at....the bar, or the place where she tans, or even a last minute thought of going to lunch with the two of them?

See what kinda reception or response you'd get out of that?quote]

I did just that a few months ago...and happened to see Bill's truck at the tanning salon when he supposedly drove home to vote that evening. That started a huge fight because she said that her ex used to follow her and she didn't want that kind of relationship between us. I told her that I know it was Bill's truck, yet she cried out of frustration and said that she didn't see him there that night. Bill's son lives with him during the week, as he too works with us on this large project; my wife said maybe he had his Dad's truck at the salon that night, it's hard to say.

I just can't see my wife being that cunning and manipulative, doing something to jeopardize what we have. Maybe I'm being way too naive, I don't know.

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I would like to have a session with her and her therapist, explain my thoughts, and see what the therapist has to say. Maybe then she will get it.

Dyna--

She doesn't want to "get it". She wants you to change. If you would change, her life would be very happy.

Do you feel loved and cherished in a relationship where all disagreements are Your Fault?

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I told her I was tired of how my thoughts and feelings somehow get twisted into insecurities; the focus then turns on me and not on what the original issue was. She has a hard time with criticism and let's face it, no one is perfect nor do we expect them to be. When you bring up these issues, it's not to put down the person, but to make them see from another's point of view. She often takes the defensive and accepts my statements as prrof that she's a horrible wife, mother, etc. and that is NOT the point I'm trying to communicate. Not all disagreements are my fault, there have been a few where she'll apologize, but not until she sits and thinks about what she has said or has done. And that apology comes with reluctance because let's face it, my wife hates to be wrong.

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Dyna:

Have read your plight and also have knowledge of these situations. Please read the following article and show it to your wife. Good luck.

"The second danger indicator was when they started sharing more with the "friend" than with their spouse and depending on the "friend" for their primary emotional support. At some point, they began to feel that the "friend" understood them better than their own spouse did and was easier to communicate with. They felt a sense of companionship with the "friend" that was lacking with their spouse.

The third red flag indicating danger ahead was when they began keeping their conversations and the frequency of contact secret from their spouses. This is a definite danger sign. Both individuals knew that their spouses would be upset if they knew the extent of the contact, the depth of the emotional connection, and the intimate subjects being routinely discussed."

From: http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Recognize-and-Cope-with-an-Emotional-Affair&id=64309

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Montana wrote:

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I think we're sisters MMS!

I knowwwwwwwwwwwww.............lol :wink:

Dyna07 wrote:

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just can't see my wife being that cunning and manipulative, doing something to jeopardize what we have. Maybe I'm being way too naive, I don't know.

I don't think your niave..... maybe your'e too tender hearted to really see it for what it is? You dont want to see it. Don't want to find that type of fault within your wife......

Quote:

She often takes the defensive and accepts my statements as prrof that she's a horrible wife, mother, etc. and that is NOT the point I'm trying to communicate. Not all disagreements are my fault, there have been a few where she'll apologize, but not until she sits and thinks about what she has said or has done. And that apology comes with reluctance because let's face it, my wife hates to be wrong.

Were all capable of manipulating........taking offense to your statements and turning them around on you to place the blame is manipulative. And even apologies at times can be manipulative........

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Like I've said, I just don't see her doing that to me. She's been cheated on so many times in the past that she said she can't put someone through that kind of pain. I really don't think that she would or could go through with it. Deep down I know how I really feel, it's just hard for me to not wonder when I see all these things around me. Either I trust her or I don't.

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Dyna07 wrote:

makemeshiver33 wrote:
Quote:
Have you ever thought about just showing up at the isolated place she chooses to meet Bill at....the bar, or the place where she tans, or even a last minute thought of going to lunch with the two of them?

See what kinda reception or response you'd get out of that?quote]

I did just that a few months ago...and happened to see Bill's truck at the tanning salon when he supposedly drove home to vote that evening. That started a huge fight because she said that her ex used to follow her and she didn't want that kind of relationship between us. I told her that I know it was Bill's truck, yet she cried out of frustration and said that she didn't see him there that night. Bill's son lives with him during the week, as he too works with us on this large project; my wife said maybe he had his Dad's truck at the salon that night, it's hard to say.

I just can't see my wife being that cunning and manipulative, doing something to jeopardize what we have. Maybe I'm being way too naive, I don't know.

Why would Bill's son be at the salon?

Dyna, this is really breaking my heart because I think she's lying to you and is extremely manipulative.

You can't imagine that from her, which only tells me that she's a good actress, at least with you she is.

Sadly, I think there's much more going on than friendship between the two.

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She's 31...he's 53..I just don't see it happening, especially since he has know her family for years. He and his 25 year old son get their hair cut at that place. I've talked about this with my sister a lot and she sounds like most of you...that I'm not seeing the forest for the trees. Just when I start to feel good about us, I listen to what you all have to say and then the worry returns. I don't know what to do....I guess I need concrete evidence before I walk away. No one but me can see all this as circumstantial. I thank you all for your comments, it is why I am here...it's just not helping with my sanity at this point. I am at a total loss.

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Dyna07 wrote:

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She's 31...he's 53..I just don't see it happening, especially since he has know her family for years. He and his 25 year old son get their hair cut at that place. I've talked about this with my sister a lot and she sounds like most of you...that I'm not seeing the forest for the trees. Just when I start to feel good about us, I listen to what you all have to say and then the worry returns. I don't know what to do....I guess I need concrete evidence before I walk away. No one but me can see all this as circumstantial. I thank you all for your comments, it is why I am here...it's just not helping with my sanity at this point. I am at a total loss.

I'm sorry that we are contributing to your pile of worries and mixed emotions..... Sometimes it does take an outsider to point things out to people...but of course, we have nothing to loose in this battle that your fighting. WE have no dog in this fight.

But we are rooting for ya though, and would like to see have a happy ending. No one deserves to be mistreated and manipulated.

Sure, we could tell you that your'e being a damned fool for questioning her and her actions, but whether it be unfortunate or fortunate for you, alot of us don't work that way in here.

The majority of us don't like to see people hurt or cheated, and if we think they are at fault in their behavior, we'll let'm know that as well.

So.... I do want to say this, don't let the age thing fool ya. My sister did this same thing to her first husband, seeking out a father figure and in return she ended up marrying the man she was having an affair with. He was 20 years older than her.

If concrete evidence is what you need to have the ability to see the trees in the forest, I suggest you find a chainsaw and get to clearing. You do not want to question your wife for the entirity of your marriage?

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Dyna--

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No one but me can see all this as circumstantial. I thank you all for your comments, it is why I am here...it's just not helping with my sanity at this point. I am at a total loss.

Sorry, but I'm reminded of stories of the gallant little watchdog found dead, jaws locked on the jugular vein of the marauding wolf.

I'm not sure whether to talk about Denial or to admire you for building a fantasy world, brick by brick, to enshrine a woman who may or may not be bestowing her favors elsewhere--but who is definitely not keeping your best interests in mind.

If you were truly ignorant, then you could be blissful. I think it is the strain of pretending that is threatening your sanity.

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I just can't see my wife being that cunning and manipulative, doing something to jeopardize what we have. Maybe I'm being way too naive, I don't know.

Not only is she cunning and manipulative, IMO, she is a "crazymaker". She has you so twisted around that you never know which end is up.

I think that the only way that you will have any peace is to get some time and distance to think things through.

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Dyna07 wrote:

She's been cheated on so many times in the past that she said she can't put someone through that kind of pain. I really don't think that she would or could go through with it.

Wake up and smell the dung, Dyna. She's already put someone through that kind of pain. YOU!!! Remember that diary entry you read, you know...the one where she wrote a false account of her affair and feelings for Bill to test you?

Dyna07 wrote:

I don't know what to do....I guess I need concrete evidence before I walk away. No one but me can see all this as circumstantial. I thank you all for your comments, it is why I am here...it's just not helping with my sanity at this point. I am at a total loss.

You remind me of women who discover lumps in their breasts but refuse to go to the doctor to get them checked out because they are too afraid of what they might hear. That cancer in your sanity is going to continue festering until you get the situation checked out by a private detective.

It has got to be excruciatingly painful to be stuck in limbo like you are. You don't know whether to believe the words coming out of your wife's mouth or the things you've seen for yourself with your very own eyes. The pain isn't going to go away by itself. You'll always wonder. Put yourself out of this misery you have constructed. Get an uninterested third-party to investigate things for you. The worse thing that will happen is that you will kick yourself in the butt for not believing your own eyes. The best thing that will happen is you validate the words coming out of your wife's mouth and you can rebuild that trust every healthy marriage needs. At the very least, go for a one-hour consultation with a private detective, lay out the situation and see what advice and help he/she has to offer.

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