Chai, obviously she's an immature little slip of a girl who just isn't willing to put out on the third date.
kickycan wrote:she tells me that she felt like it was too much, that the concert was too expensive (I think she knew that the tickets for the seats I have cost over $500), and that she really does love being with me and talking with me but now that this has happened, it's awkward, so we should probably just stop seeing each other.
There, that's pretty much the story.
I can somewhat understand her backing out of the concert if she felt uncomfortable, but the part about just breaking it off completely seems insane to me. Why, if you like someone, can't you get past one awkward little moment?
I agree with kicky. The issue isn't breaking the date. There can be lots of reasons for that, all reasonable. The issue is that she suggested they stop seeing each other because of the awkwardness. Strange--and a red flag, IMO.
That's why I am not pushing him NOT to call.
But, as far as I can tell, she behaved in such a way that it is easy to characterize her as too much work. She is not a Girl, she is 34. She didn't have to go on the date. To break off the "relationship"? Something more to this. I get crabby when people don't talk straight and shut you out.
So, I'm projecting my own irritation. But, it's hard won irritation.
Chai, I'm hearin ya. Speaking for myself, I would have never been on that second date if I wasn't interested in the guy. Never happened with me.
I also know that I like to take things slow and the expensive concert would have been to fast for me. I would have felt uncomfortable with that for 2 reasons. I've had guys get pissed off at me to the point where I was scared, all because they paid a fair amount of $ for dinner at a classy place and what not.
This has happened to me every single time a guy that I only dated once or twice spent that kind of money on me, so that is an issue with me.
There's also the fact that I like to take things slow and that would have made me think that maybe he was getting too serious too fast. Again, it would scare me enough to do what she did.
I think it's probably a lost cause now. In a month, I probably won't give a **** anymore. Ah well. You win some, you lose some.
The moment is gone! She blew it! Or I blew it! Or something. Either way, unlike my lonely lonely weiner, it's blown.
It does suck though, because, like you were saying, Chai, you don't find people that you have a real chemistry with very often. At least I don't.
This reminds me of that scene in Swingers where Mike is talking about his ex-girlfriend who left him.
Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.
Kicky - this is making me cry. Give me her email - I'll write to her and set her straight. Come on PM me!
Green Witch, I'm fine, really.
I think I'm gonna write a song called, "My Lonely Lonely Weiner." Probably a sad cowboy kind of country-ish feel. Or blues. Hmmm...
I'm sure you are (or will be) fine, but at my age I know the difference between the sadness of a heart as opposed to the sadness of a weiner - and you are definitely all heart at the moment.
I think it had better be Blues, Kicky, because if it's a country song, that weiner will have to be on a stick over your campfire and if you're on a mountain, there may be a gay guy roaming about. You wouldn't want that now, would you?
Write that song, kicky.
Go to gawker-stalker and figure out where Adam Sandler is right now. Give him the song. Let him make it a huge hit - with tons of royalties for you.
~~~
Then go back to that site and get your money's worth out of it.
Or...
call her, and ask what she is thinking.
Montana wrote:Chai, I'm hearin ya. Speaking for myself, I would have never been on that second date if I wasn't interested in the guy. Never happened with me.
I also know that I like to take things slow and the expensive concert would have been to fast for me. I would have felt uncomfortable with that for 2 reasons. I've had guys get pissed off at me to the point where I was scared, all because they paid a fair amount of $ for dinner at a classy place and what not.
This has happened to me every single time a guy that I only dated once or twice spent that kind of money on me, so that is an issue with me.
There's also the fact that I like to take things slow and that would have made me think that maybe he was getting too serious too fast. Again, it would scare me enough to do what she did.
Well, that's a good point. Maybe she was thinking he would be expecting to get some after forking over that much money and implying she would be out late (... wow, it's late, why don't you just sleep at my place). And maybe she wasn't ready for that but didn't want to be put in a position where she would have to reject him. Maybe that's the awkwardness and she's just incredibly bad at articulating it, as we all are when it's us and our feelings involved.
Kicky, I vote for cooling your heals for about a week and then calling and asking her to go for a cup of coffee.
Glad you caught that FD. I just noticed that I forgot to mention that these jerks I was talkin about got pissed off at me because I didn't put out.
When you get treated like that by enough men, you tend to be a bit weary. Sad, but true.
Anyway, I hope you find your true love, Kicky and maybe some day I'll find mine.
I suppose people can worry about that, but I never ran into it, whatever the pros or cons of the people I dated or the pros and cons of myself and I.
I agree it would be jerky if it happened - put out, the tickets were expensive...
People who asked me to a concert, rock, jazz, or philharmonic, asked me because they wanted me to hear it with them. The fright that "putting out" is part of the ticket is a surprise to me. These matters are unrelated.... while occasions can coincide.
It's one of those things that I guess you just have to have gone through to end up with these feelings It's been a very long time since this has happened. I was young, the men were older and tried to take advantage of the situation. I stopped dating because of these situations and just met my guys at parties, where we'd hit it off. No dates, just go with the flow.
To this day, I don't date and, most likely, never will again because I had bad experiences with dating.
I believe I have a dating curse
Maybe if you were a "gril" instead of a "girl", it would have been different!
However, I had the same experiences you did... bastids!
Re: I met a girl.
kickycan wrote:I met a girl. We got along. We liked each other. We went out twice, and had planned on going to the Police concert this weekend. She suddenly got all freaked out because she thought the Police concert was too big a thing to do so soon, and then dumped me because she thinks that if she's feeling stressed out about things now, it can only get worse.
I really thought this one had some potential too. We really did get along well, and I know she really liked me. But she can't take a little awkward moment? What the hell?!
I'm not going to call her a b*tch though.
ignoring and skipping right past 8 pages or so of talk, I'm going to say she sounds like a real nutjob and you're probably better rid of her. *shrug*
haha (but i'm serious) and now going to pore over the remainder of this thread.
FreeDuck wrote:Montana wrote:Chai, I'm hearin ya. Speaking for myself, I would have never been on that second date if I wasn't interested in the guy. Never happened with me.
I also know that I like to take things slow and the expensive concert would have been to fast for me. I would have felt uncomfortable with that for 2 reasons. I've had guys get pissed off at me to the point where I was scared, all because they paid a fair amount of $ for dinner at a classy place and what not.
This has happened to me every single time a guy that I only dated once or twice spent that kind of money on me, so that is an issue with me.
There's also the fact that I like to take things slow and that would have made me think that maybe he was getting too serious too fast. Again, it would scare me enough to do what she did.
Well, that's a good point. Maybe she was thinking he would be expecting to get some after forking over that much money and implying she would be out late (... wow, it's late, why don't you just sleep at my place). And maybe she wasn't ready for that but didn't want to be put in a position where she would have to reject him. Maybe that's the awkwardness and she's just incredibly bad at articulating it, as we all are when it's us and our feelings involved.
Kicky, I vote for cooling your heals for about a week and then calling and asking her to go for a cup of coffee.
exactly!!!! This is why I understood her.
Call her for coffee---and if you make another date, Kicky---LISTEN to how she responds to what you say.
If she wants to pay for something---tell her you prefer that she not--but that if it makes her more comfortable---of course, she can...
...and should guys make sure their dates get home safely?
Is this a thing?
<------------------thinks it should be
