I met a girl.

<I'd really like this to be a nice thing for you, Kick....>

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Lash wrote:

Call her for coffee---and if you make another date, Kicky---LISTEN to how she responds to what you say.

If she wants to pay for something---tell her you prefer that she not--but that if it makes her more comfortable---of course, she can...

...and should guys make sure their dates get home safely?

Is this a thing?

<------------------thinks it should be

You're right. I just felt like it wasn't very classy to take $250 from her after I was the one that invited her. I would have felt bad about making her pay that much.

Another reason I felt like it wasn't THAT big a deal to ask her to this is that I have had great seats for a big expensive event before, and I have asked a girl I had just started dating to go with me. She said yes, and we did end up having a fine time without any weirdness or awkwardness at all. And we even ended up seeing each other for a while after that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know, I've been thinking about it, and it is definitely possible that I misread things. Maybe that little spark I thought I felt when we kissed goodbye last sunday wasn't there at all on her end. I know she liked me, and I know she really enjoyed being out with me, but maybe while we were kissing goodbye and I was thinking, "this is nice, this has potential, I'm really interested in this girl," she was thinking, "well, I thought I was attracted to this guy, and I was hoping for a spark when we kissed, but now that we are kissing...yuk! I can't be with him!"

It would at least partially explain why she suddenly did such a 180 after that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And yes, within reason, guys should make sure their dates get home safely. Although, since I'm living in Manhattan, if the girl lives out in Queens or something, it gets a little more complicated. If we go out in Manhattan (which we most likely would--I mean, who the hell would want to go out in Queens when they can go out in Manhattan?), then I don't see any reason for me to take an hour cab ride all the way back to Queens with her only to have to take another cab all the way back. I will make sure she doesn't have to take the subway though, unless she's adamant that she wants to. I will offer to pay for her cab ride back home though. It's a different world here in the concrete jungle.

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Quote:

I will offer to pay for her cab ride back home though.

Thank you, sir. I'll need about two hundred bucks for that. I'm a big tipper.

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Good news! You don't need to worry about the cab fare. I found my own transportation.

http://www.firekite.com/store/misc/pics/forum24/short_bus.jpg

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Kicky--

You got a kiss at the Meet n Greet?

You're doing pretty good. I probably would've karate chopped the guy I met if he tried to kiss me....LOL

Anyway...I know it's RIDICULOUS for me to say this--considering my COMPLETELY UNSUPPORTABLE dating snafus....but (cracking myself up) maybe you're overthinking a bit... (LOL, I can tell but I can't do)

Let her decide. You just put yourself out there and ask. If it's a no...you won't worry that you missed something good.

And, I think you're positively dashing to become more concerned about how your dates get home. I really love that.

Kudos to Kicky.

<and a butt squeeze>

lmao

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The concert was too much for her at once, and it turned her off. Just like I've said many times about the flowers, nice dinners, ect. That MAY work, but many times will just hurt you. Most women don't want a guy dropping a ton of money on them upfront.

However, in your case you weren't trying to buy her attention...you just had an extra ticket and thought it would be a cool date. Nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately she didn't see it that way.

Should've/could've/would've doesn't help, but maybe you could have approached it a little smoother. "Listen, I've got two tickets to the Police this weekend....awesome seats. Friend of mine just backed out on me, and if you want to go, it would be cool. If not, no big deal, we should get together for a drink again next week. Don't worry about the ticket, either way I already lost out on it."

If you email her, just tell her how attractive you think she'd look in your trunk with duct tape wrapped around her mouth. Or that you think she's the kind of girl you'd enjoy chasing through the woods with a hammer.

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Lash wrote:

FreeDuck wrote:
Montana wrote:
Chai, I'm hearin ya. Speaking for myself, I would have never been on that second date if I wasn't interested in the guy. Never happened with me.

I also know that I like to take things slow and the expensive concert would have been to fast for me. I would have felt uncomfortable with that for 2 reasons. I've had guys get pissed off at me to the point where I was scared, all because they paid a fair amount of $ for dinner at a classy place and what not.
This has happened to me every single time a guy that I only dated once or twice spent that kind of money on me, so that is an issue with me.

There's also the fact that I like to take things slow and that would have made me think that maybe he was getting too serious too fast. Again, it would scare me enough to do what she did.

Well, that's a good point. Maybe she was thinking he would be expecting to get some after forking over that much money and implying she would be out late (... wow, it's late, why don't you just sleep at my place). And maybe she wasn't ready for that but didn't want to be put in a position where she would have to reject him. Maybe that's the awkwardness and she's just incredibly bad at articulating it, as we all are when it's us and our feelings involved.

Kicky, I vote for cooling your heals for about a week and then calling and asking her to go for a cup of coffee.

exactly!!!! This is why I understood her.

Boy, am I glad that I did all my dating in Europe. You are a complicated
dating bunch here in the US. Cool

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Well, we Canajuns are a simple, yet modest people... Nobody I know would spend $250 on one single ticket Smile

We might have the money, mind you, but would we spend it on ONE concert? Nah.

Maybe we're all a little bit Scottish? Smile

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Mame wrote:

Well, we Canajuns are a simple, yet modest people... Nobody I know would spend $250 on one single ticket

We might have the money, mind you, but would we spend it on ONE concert? Nah.

Maybe we're all a little bit Scottish?

errr, that may be the case in your zone, Mame, but it's not unheard of around here. The woman sitting at the desk just west of me spends that kinda money on tickets fairly regularly. Not my shtick, but it's not all that unusual.

Actually, quite a few of the crew at the office do it. Crazy amounts of money, it seems to me, but they do it with no flinching.

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Wow. Too much analyzing.

I think she just freaked because of big amount of money involved, and then you freaked about her freaking. lol.

Call her in a bit and invite her to something low key. You'll at least know what is what in that case.
If she demures or freaks out again, then she either changed her mind or is a flighty sort. ?

And personally, yeah, I would have made a pass on that as well. I think she acted a bit over the top and isn't exactly suave (or whatever the word is) in getting her meaning across, but who knows so early on if she is worth more time or not?

Won't know unless you try. Then you can leave it or enjoy it.

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ehBeth wrote:

Mame wrote:
Well, we Canajuns are a simple, yet modest people... Nobody I know would spend $250 on one single ticket

We might have the money, mind you, but would we spend it on ONE concert? Nah.

Maybe we're all a little bit Scottish?

errr, that may be the case in your zone, Mame, but it's not unheard of around here. The woman sitting at the desk just west of me spends that kinda money on tickets fairly regularly. Not my shtick, but it's not all that unusual.

Actually, quite a few of the crew at the office do it. Crazy amounts of money, it seems to me, but they do it with no flinching.

Wow, I'm surprised. I think $80 is a lot Smile

Maybe I'm just a rube in citified clothing ...

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Prices at the Air Canada Centre are extortionate, Mame AND you need binoculars to see the band. Yet they seem to have no trouble selling tickets. (Well, not to me, of course...)

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mushypancakes wrote:

I think she just freaked because of big amount of money involved, and then you freaked about her freaking. lol.

There ya go. Good summary.

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Sucks, Kicky.

I'd say, go to the concert on your own, do NOT call her back beforehand to try to explain and clarify what you feel about this etc - just makes things more awkward - but do call her back in two or three weeks or something. If, of course, you can honestly say that, hey, its OK that she freaked out - I mean, it sucked, but its OK, no prob, lets just take it from here again. And then start again but low key - coffee, easy-going dinner, nothing strikingly fancy.

I can totally see your, just, flabbergasted and also depressed response - like, Jesus, if it needs to be this complicated - and also like, wow, not just cancelling the date but saying you'd better cut off altogether? Thats pretty.. weird.

But I can also see her panicking - third date ever, and you're ready to drop 500 bucks on her?* And you're about to go for a full-night, late-back, bizarrely expensive date? Yeah I think I'd hastily beat a retreat as well if someone did that. Specially if I were a girl. (If it was a girl doing it with a guy it would at least have had the benefit of being pleasantly counterintuitive..)

So yeah, **** happens. If you find yourself thinking of the whole thing with an undeniable grudge, then better leave it be, cause then the next date would just get more odd vibes across. But if you think, well, that was a really weird thing to do of hers, but hell, we're all crazy somehow or other and she is really cool, then call her in a coupla weeks. If she said that yeah, if you would call her in a month time no matter what that would actually be pretty OK, than I'd say she hasnt really dumped the prospect of you yet (or at least, she might well not have.)

*(There are concerts that cost 500 bucks??? Wow. Another world. Same with GreenWItch's $500 for "dinner and a night at a club" - 500 freaking dollar for a night out? Holy ****! Wholly different world..)

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

If you email her, just tell her how attractive you think she'd look in your trunk with duct tape wrapped around her mouth. Or that you think she's the kind of girl you'd enjoy chasing through the woods with a hammer.

That could work!

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Chai went off into orbit, Osso said.. and its true her posts were drifting off from the topic of you know, Kicky's situation.. but can I just add a heartfelt "hear, hear" or "me, too", or some such, to what Chai wrote here?

Its not often I share her feelings, so I should note it when it happens.. and this stuff, I tell ya, I could have written too.

Chai wrote:

just curious ehBeth...[..] saying "you don't need the extra work" I don't get that at all. I mean, I don't know what kicky's got going on in his life right now, but how is making a 2nd effort to have cup of coffee or getting to know someone a little better extra work? [..]

I guess I just look at it that if someone clicks, or has a little chemistry with someone, and they feel the chemistry went both ways, it's no work to give it some extra time.

I'm not saying this about you ehBeth, but......It just seems so...I don't know....cold and calculating to just cut someone off like you're so perfect you just can't be bothered. (general you)

I'm just glad, I suppose, that so many people gave me a second chance, or else I wouldn't know anyone or have any friends.

Chai wrote:

As respectfully as I can, I'm disagreeing with ragman and mame.

Sure, the easist thing to do would be to just say "this chicks got issues" and drop it. But, don't we all have issues.

I mean, not to sound stuck up, but I think I was a pretty good catch when I hooked up with Mr. Tea....but there was stuff I had to get comfortable with inside of me, and just needed time, and reassurance that I wasn't going to get dumped just because I wasn't all 100% stable in all aspects of my life.

The statement of "who's got time for that"?.....well, I do.....I have good friends that, when I first met them, maybe didn't seem they were worth someones investment. But people need to be allowed to open up in their own way, not on someone elses schedule. [..]

Honestly, I'm such a romantic (in a pragmatic way), I just can't see giving up on someone you clicked with, and that clicked with you. I'm seriously thinking she just needs a little assurance patience and gentleness to get her over that awkward moment and let her blossom.

I can't remember if I read this or so it in a movie or just have this in my head, but I just have a picture of a person, any person in this world saying "Take the time to get to know me, I'm worth it"

Chai wrote:

I guess too, I differ with many people that relationships are like streetcars, if you miss one another one comes along in 5 minutes.....personally, I think real chemistry and clicking is not an every day thing. I believe new relationships need to be nutured a little, and people cut some slack at the beginning.

Mind you, its true that I tend to hang on and try on with relationships (of any kind) long beyond the point of reasonability.. I dont give up nearly enough. So perhaps I'm not the best authority. And I dont know about Kicky's girl, too little info. But on the general topic I do definitely share Chai's feelings here..

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Me too!

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Me three.

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I share that sentiment, too. Perhaps a little too much so at times, and not enough at others. heh.

So did you come to some sort of resolution, Kicky? For yourself, I mean.

Y'know, I was thinking of this thread again. It's weird, because dating truly can be so tough. People all have their own ideas of how things are going to go. Etc.

About the larger money for a date earlier on. Well. When I first started dating the present beau, I knew pretty damn early on that he had more money than me. Well, I'm not exactly wealthy. This "issue" of being asked on fancier, more high-pricey dates came up pretty quickly.

Once you have more time to get to know someone, on common ground of all people, it gets negotiated even if there are income differences and spending differences when you really like someone on a bunch of levels.

It's the first little while that can be tricky.

I remember, I bawked at a few pricer invites early, not even so much because I read anything into it about him wanting to show off or buy me or whatever (didn't feel this was the case, but took some time to really know it); but there was this bar set that frightened me a bit.

As in: how in the world am I going to keep up with this? I can't afford to do this...like, ever, in the next half year...and there is no way I am going to let him dole out and me not reciprocate.

Like I said, it can get evened out with time, but at first, it can be intimidating.

Women like to make a guy's eyes light up with wonder too. If you set the bar so high so soon, it can make a girl feel a bit (not exactly lacking, but something like that, pressured).

Anyhow. I do agree that it's worth some time when there is something - and you know when it is there - that really excites you. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :wink:

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