Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

The previous Pope Ratzinger was an ex-nazi (you couldn't make it up)
I hear that he was conducting Mass one day when a fire engine raced past with its siren wailing and he started shouting as a reflex action- "Schnell! everyone of the rank of Obersturmbannfuhrer and above to the air raid shelters immediately, schnell, schnell!!"

What about the women and children?

Wed 13 Nov, 2013 03:41 am

A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings..'


" I had no Monet

To buy Degas


To make the Van Gogh.


See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.


I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse!"

Or maybe you were in a "low track"...

We live in Echuca, Victoria and my Missus decided for the first time to wear a burka for a week just to see what the public reaction was like.

The first morning she was sworn at, punched on the nose, kicked up the arse and received death threats.

Heaven knows what's going to happen when she leaves the house.

What do dyslexic zombies eat?

wait for it...

BRIANS.

I always carry a picture of my wife in my wallet.

It reminds me of why there is no money in there....

I like my step ladder but I still wish I knew my real ladder.

Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet?
Right now the cops have nothing to go on.....

reminds of Rodney D


My Dad is so stupid. He works in a bank and got arrested for stealing pens.

I like that one.

"Sorry, your password has been in use for 30 days and has expired -
you must register a new one."

New password is roses

"Sorry, too few characters."

pretty roses

"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."

1 pretty rose

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."

1prettyrose

"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."

1fuckingprettyrose

"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."

1FUCKINGprettyrose

"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."

1FuckingPrettyRose

"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."

1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow!

"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."

1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow

"Sorry, that password is already in use."

Too ******* funny!

I agree!

Q: Did you hear about the person who forgot to pay their exorcist?

A: They were repossessed.

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!

Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean?

He wanted some arr and arr

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.

"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.

"No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!"