A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
My brother didn't take kindly to jail.
He refused food and drink, and smeared feces on the walls.
That's the last time we're playing Monopoly....
@Region Philbis,
A joke posted here cannot be too bad. However, your joke was too bad.
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he
glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon
realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have
it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a
conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from
my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about
sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another
popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is
men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the
lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm
sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with
you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
@Lustig Andrei,
There are three people is a boat with four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cigarette overboard, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
One who runs in ill fitting shoes suffers the agony of defeat.
@Region Philbis,
That belongs on the Geek&Nerd Humor thread, RP.
My wife said to me the other day, "Boy, you're getting old! Look at all your wrinkles!"
I said, "They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!"
She looked at me deadpanned, "Nothing is that funny."
@Advocate,
and that belongs on the Really
Good Jokes thread.
I just put pegs on the noses of a herd of cows and now they're booing me.
@hingehead,
(That won't work for the Americans . . . peg doesn't mean the same thing.)
@Setanta,
Truly? What do they call them?
Clothespins . . . now, there is a use of the word peg with clothing, but that is a clothes peg, as in a short piece of dowel rod inserted in a board which is attached to a wall, for hanging up clothing when not in use . . . but not for drying.
@Roberta,
And close to true.
Don't get me going on capchas. I gave up on one site, not getting six of them. If I remember, size and darkness of letters were interstreamed, off and on, with whether or not some letter might be capitalized, all the letters looking eerily similar.
Or not.
er, sorry, reading from a few pages back
...
