203
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
blueveinedthrobber
 
  4  
Reply Fri 8 Nov, 2013 08:41 am
Just in time for thanksgiving

What do you call two turkeys f*#king?
Poultry in motion
0 Replies
 
Advocate
 
  4  
Reply Fri 8 Nov, 2013 03:46 pm
What do cannibals call athletes?

Fast food!
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Sat 9 Nov, 2013 04:35 am
My boss asked me if I could be any less productive, so I accepted his challenge and took a nap at my desk.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  2  
Reply Sat 9 Nov, 2013 09:28 am
Two missionaries are captured by jungle cannibals and put in the cookpot.
A nearby volcano begins erupting so the missionaries yell "Look, you've made God angry, release us and he'll calm down!"
"Rubbish" reply the cannibals, "A volcano is simply a rupture in the crust of the earth which allows hot lava, volcanic ash and gases to randomly escape from the magma chamber below the surface!"
-----------------------------
http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/swag80_zps72962e87.gif~original
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Nov, 2013 07:45 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
Even better because you told it Very Happy
trying2learn
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Nov, 2013 08:15 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY7WCX6BwYE
0 Replies
 
Dutchy
 
  3  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 01:58 am
@hingehead,
TIMBUKTU!

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists:
A university graduate and an old bushie. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was " TIMBUKTU ".

First to recite his poem was the university graduate.

He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two.
Destination - Timbuktu .

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old bushie top that, they thought. The old bushie calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three, and we were two.
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu .

The old bushie won.

0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 08:06 am
Somebody asks God- "Why do you sling murderers, thieves, rapists, heathens, corrupt politicians, smarmy TV evangelists, pervs, liars, religious crackpots and peedos etc into hell?"
"Because I love the smell of burning human trash in the mornings" replies God..Smile

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/sub3/duvall.jpg
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 11:32 am
@hingehead,
Now see what you've done. A fun thread despoiled.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 11:54 am
A man walks into a bar in London and orders a pint in a faint rasping voice.
"Nasty scar on your throat mate" says the landlord, "where did you get it?"
"Falklands War" rasps the man.
"Hey everybody" says the landlord, "we've got a Falklands veteran here!", and everybody crowds round slapping his back, shaking his hand and him buying him drinks.
Later as he makes his way out the landlord says "Take this 500 pounds mate, we've just had a whipround in your honour".
"Muchas gracias senors" rasps the man, and walks out.
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 12:02 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
Now that's better. Good one.
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  6  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 12:02 pm
https://scontent-a-mia.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1422455_10151790219778182_71926072_n.jpg
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 02:42 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
One woman says to another, "I can't understand why you haven't gone to see that new gynecologist yet! I mean he's so young and handsome! And your gynecologist is so old!"
The other woman replies with a smile, "Yeah, I know but his hands shake all the time!"

0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 04:04 pm

https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1470336_571648592906506_52298463_n.jpg
spendius
 
  3  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 04:27 pm
@Region Philbis,
An Indian walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name, Charmin, or White Cloud.
"White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?"
"$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.
"That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about the others?"
"Charmin is $2.00 a roll and no name is 50 cents a roll."
The Indian doesn't have much money so he opts for the no name.
Within a few hours he is back at the trading post. "I have a name for the no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne."
"Why?" asks the confused clerk.
"Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no crap off an Indian."
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 04:48 pm
A Catholic confesses to his priest- "Father, in WW2 I sheltered a shot-down German pilot in my home on condition he secretly worked as my unpaid cook, gardener and handyman and hid in my attic and never went out"
"Forget it my son" replies the priest, "that was many many years ago"
"Thank you father" replies the chap, "but just one more thing- should i tell him the war's over?"
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 05:02 pm
To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 05:03 pm
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/q71/1461249_630808470295276_1588730895_n.jpg
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2013 06:39 pm

http://31.media.tumblr.com/c0ba5d1bd4808e53f25fc1e3b6d2c910/tumblr_mw2fm1puEW1r0wqrdo1_500.jpg
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Nov, 2013 10:29 am

https://scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/1461360_794741333888655_970830078_n.jpg
0 Replies
 
 

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