Having affair with happily married man?

Holy **** woman. You are all over the place. And over the line in what you said to me.

I wouldn't mention it except you came here asking for feedback. I still stand by what I wrote. It was honest and an invitation for you to colour in the lines as you saw fit.

Boy did you ever colour.

Just for clarity, there are no judgements here from me thinking you are a slut. I don't think you are a slut at all.

I do think you are coming from a place of emotion and not much else right now. I can respect that for what it is.

Best wishes to you. As has happens a lot, I'm in awe of Noddy. She communicated what I wish I could have. Take care of yourself.

0 Replies

Bella Dea wrote:

It's all about what was agreed upon in the relationship.

Nope it's much more complex than that. Your view is a very simplistic, romanticized idealization.

0 Replies

You're right mushy...I was WAY on the defensive....I've never done this internet thing...sorry. I was looking for advice and then putting a voice on the people who responded; and I felt attacked. Thats my ****. Noddy did say it well, but this man never told me his wife wouldn't care or that he had no consideration for his kids...he actually is an awesome dad and knew that if he flaunted it (another woman) of course it would hurt her. It is possible, by the way, to love someone or just love being around someone who you're not married to, and its a sad place to be...I'm glad its not me, frankly. As Chumly said its much more complex...our conversation about it took a long time and was very honest and real. I talked to my therapist today and it totally helped...go figure...she's seen all sorts of real life situations where things like this can be helpful to both people and of course some very hurtful too.
Also some of the stuff I heard here was helpful, some totally obvious, and some a bit too close minded for my taste. Ah well...I was hoping to find someone else who could see the complexity of it, someone outside who could look at it objectively...kinda like chumly. Not someone to agree, because actually I didn't really...just to look at it and throw some different lights on it. And then I projected my own bad feelings on some of you, it was a knee jerk reaction that totally makes sense to me, doesn't have to to you, but sorry!
I also ended "the affair" via phone earlier today. What we'll do with the awesome friendship we've had for quite awhile remains to be seen. For now I'll avoid him for a bit..
Thanks again for chatting

0 Replies

Okay.

Joe(Now that that's settled.)Nation

0 Replies

Are we judging anyone? it seems to me we are judging the father the most, is it remotely possible that he wants more spice in his love life?
If he is with another woman maybe we should blame the wife for not satisfying her man.

And ironic, if you want more, just end it. he has his stablility already, and his interest in you "could" only be sexual. Not that its a bad thing, it should be flattering.

it comes down to:
1. if you want more, and he does too, his family stability is at stake
2. if you want more, and he doesnt, you wont be satisfied, and he will
3.if you are happy with things, and he is, then case settled.

but you stated that you want more, so it would be in your best interest to find someone with similar feelings. case closed, right?

Only you know what you want ironic. were just here to help Smile

0 Replies

Ironic, glad to hear that you ended it with him and can move on in your life and I hope you have a great time on your date.
I completely understand how a person can fall into such a situation because I was there. I was alone and very lonely, just like yourself when I was there.
With me, the bottom line has always been that people are responsible for their own marriage and no one else can take responsability for that.
There's no such thing as a "home wrecker" in my eyes because absolutely no one can make someone else cheat and when they do cheat, the burden is 100% on them.
I think you're a good person because you felt bad about the situation enough to talk about it and then end it.

0 Replies

Yes Joe, case closed. Drunk

0 Replies

Thanks Montana...thats really nice of you to say. And thanks for being understanding..... :wink:

0 Replies

Anytime girl! ;-)

0 Replies

Chumly wrote:

Bella Dea wrote:
It's all about what was agreed upon in the relationship.
Nope it's much more complex than that. Your view is a very simplistic, romanticized idealization.

How so?

A relationship is between the two people in it. There is nothing complex about that.

People make it complex.

But it isn't.

A good relationship is defined by both partners happy and satisfied in the relationship. And that only happens when the both people stick to agreed upon boundaries and "rules" in the realationship. Ironics relationship with this guy could have been definded as a good relationship....had she not decided that part time lover was not for her. But the relationship between this guy and his wife is not good because he's doing things behind her back. Things she wouldn't enjoy knowing he was doing. And that makes this guy a real loser, good, bad, indifferent relationship or not.

If your boundaries lend toward the loose side, that's great. As long as both people agree. One person agrees, the other doesn't and that makes for one unhappy person. Not the best formula for a relatioship. It's that simple.

And if that's idealistic romance then I guess every relationship I've ever had has been idealisticly romantic because every relationship I've ever had has been this way; here are my deal breakers, this is what I expect to give and get from this relationship, etc.

0 Replies

Bella Dea wrote:

Chumly wrote:
Bella Dea wrote:
It's all about what was agreed upon in the relationship.
Nope it's much more complex than that. Your view is a very simplistic, romanticized idealization.
How so?

Vast parts of a total relationship are neither black nor white nor agreed upon nor spoken about nor adhered to. Do you agree and discuss ahead of time, and outline in black and white, in its entirety, exaclty how you are going to have sex, and whom is going to do what to whom and when?

0 Replies

Chumly wrote:

Do you agree and discuss ahead of time, and outline in black and white, in its entirety, exaclty how you are going to have sex, and whom is going to do what to whom and when?

Are you saying it is not normal to do this? No wonder the notary looks at Tam and I funny every couple days when we take our sex contract to her to be notorized.

0 Replies

0 Replies

CoastalRat wrote:

Chumly wrote:
Do you agree and discuss ahead of time, and outline in black and white, in its entirety, exaclty how you are going to have sex, and whom is going to do what to whom and when?

Are you saying it is not normal to do this? No wonder the notary looks at Tam and I funny every couple days when we take our sex contract to her to be notorized.

Pre Humptual agreement at its finest

0 Replies

shewolfnm wrote:

Pre Humptual agreement at its finest

Now I like that. You made the clown laugh.

0 Replies

Chumly wrote:

Bella Dea wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Bella Dea wrote:
It's all about what was agreed upon in the relationship.
Nope it's much more complex than that. Your view is a very simplistic, romanticized idealization.
How so?
Vast parts of a total relationship are neither black nor white nor agreed upon nor spoken about nor adhered to. Do you agree and discuss ahead of time, and outline in black and white, in its entirety, exaclty how you are going to have sex, and whom is going to do what to whom and when?

Absolutely. My terms are sex only with my spouse. Period.

And yes, we've discussed what will be and won't be tried in bed. There are certain things neither of us will do. And it's important to express that BEFORE in bed.

0 Replies

Bella Dea wrote:

There are certain things neither of us will do.

Im sooooooo not going to go there..... Laughing

0 Replies

shewolfnm wrote:

Bella Dea wrote:
There are certain things neither of us will do.

Im sooooooo not going to go there.....

You already did. Twice.

Twisted Evil

0 Replies

Bella Dea,

Quit dodging and answer the question: Do you agree and discuss ahead of time, and outline in black and white, in its entirety, exactly how you are going to have sex, and whom is going to do what to whom and when?

The fact that you can't answer the question as asked shows the truth that your view is a very simplistic, romanticized idealization and it's not "all about what was agreed upon in the relationship", far from it in fact.

0 Replies

Chumly wrote:

Quit dodging and answer the question: Do you agree and discuss ahead of time, and outline in black and white, in its entirety, exactly how you are going to have sex, and whom is going to do what to whom and when?

The fact that you can't answer the question as asked shows the truth that your view is a very simplistic, romanticized idealization and it's not "all about what was agreed upon in the relationship", far from it in fact.

What does that have to do with having sex with another person other than my spouse? You are trying to make this into something it is not.

I answered your question. You never answered mine about how complex and grey this area is.

The rules set forth prior to marriage were that we would have exclusive sex with each other. No maybe, no let's try this....we said exclusive sex with only each other. The how and why has NOTHING to do with this. Why would how and when we have sex affect anything? That makes no sense what so ever.

Should we decide that we want to introduce someone else into our bedroom, that would be discussed PRIOR to it happening.

Are you blind that you can't read what I am writing or just obtuse?

0 Replies

Having affair with happily married man?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know