Having affair with happily married man?

What's so bad about knowing how to fix your own plumbing, or buying yourself flowers?

Yes, I understand that of course there are a lot of reasons that it can be great to be in a relationship. Those particular reasons seem telling, though.

And why does this guy offer hope for you? You've said yourself that you want something long-term -- you want children and you want a partner to help you raise them.

Thanks everyone...its been peachy.

Welcome to A2K.

The great thing about this forum, is people have opinions and they are not shy about sharing them!
You did come to get other points of views, right? Alot of times, they can be the things you don't want to hear, but need to hear.

Plenty of times I had been mucking around in my own life, I coulda used some other point of view.

What people are saying here isn't wrong. I get that it's not what you want to hear. But let's try to think clearly.

You met a guy, he's great, but he's taken. You had sex, it was great.
Okay, now, he's not leaving his marriage.
You say you want more out of life. Why settle for this even for a little while? You deserve better!

Put yourself in the wife position, would you want a husband that cheats? Even if in some fantasy, you get the great guy, who's to say he won't cheat on you? He is a cheater.

Okay, so you say that isn't this all okay for now?
First off, you only have his word that his wife is okay with this. Trust me, that's not enough.
Secondly, you more than likely will fall for him, if you haven't already.

It's doomed before it begins. There is no beginning. It's a mess.
That's what everyone is trying to tell you.

You are putting yourself in a position to get hurt or to hurt a family. Neither one is healthy.

If you do think anything of yourself you will run, not walk away.

Thanks sozobe...it was just bella's messages kinda pissed me off.
I love doing my own plumbing and growing my own flowers too, it was just hard to resist someone who I can relate to spiritually, emotionally, sexually, and laugh lots with, WHILE I'm doing everything alone. I think it gives me hope because I had thought there was NO one i was compatible with..and now I believe there is...and not just him. I know, it all sounds crazy...and it is. But maybe now I know I can find someone who likes to do the same things as I do, and I can look again with not as jaded eyes...does that make sense?

It makes sense and I hope you do find him!

You will find someone that right for you.

This guy isn't it and I think you know it.

But the right guy is out there!

I'm tempted to agree with you, really (while I think you've been kind of all over the place here you clearly have a Personality and I like your online "voice"), but I dunno. Infatuation is easy. Relationships are hard. You seem to really want a relationship.

You can't really know how compatible you are with this guy when things are still in the sparkly giggly infatuation phase. It's easy to seem compatible with any number of people in that phase.

What I keep coming back to is that you say that having a child is important to you, and having a partner to help you raise that child is important to you. I don't see continuing this relationship as furthering either one of those goals.

Thanks caribou...I know thats right...and your right I got alot of opinions some I didn't want to hear...
Next time I'll talk about health or vet stuff....jeez! Loaded gun of a subject.

I wish I could only say that about you.


First of all, Miss 'holier then thou"

I think you just need to keep your legs closed.
I think you need to respect the OTHER people in this relationship, his wife and kids
And I think you are selfish in thinking that people are going to praise you for "talking".

You came on her asking for information and feedback, yet you whine and moan when you get it.

I was in no way trying to be disrespectful to you
but now I think you can jsut shove it up your ass.

Well, I think if you look at it from a married person's point of view, Of course they don't want their mate cheating!

Neither would you.

Like it's been said, we all deserve better.

I've broken a few of my own rules in the relationship I'm in.
My Man and his ex were split up a year before he and I had gotten together.
But if I had ever thought it was me that broke the family up, I would have ran!
Still, he's got an Ex and kids and he's my boss... That's enough broken rules! And it hasn't been easy.

Seriously though, who wants a cheater?

Oooohh...your lovely. I could give a **** what people think about his and my 'talking' if thats even what you meant by that odd comment. And I know I'm very confused...all over the place, looking for advice and feedback and then explaining more and more...its confusing. Which is why I'm going to take the advice of the kinder people, and you, and move on. So thanks, even if you were a bitch about it. And you were. Oh and if I kept my legs closed any longer I would have had frigging cobwebs. So I'm glad I at least got properly laid. Maybe you should too...oh and spell check is just below...

Thanks everyone! This whole online chatting thing is totally new to me, and despite a few slightly angry folks I got a lot of good advice...OK it was all leave him....except one who said marriage was just a business arrangement and do what I want which I disagree with...
Thanks for processing with me, I feel smarter from all your wisdom, and I'm gonna end it..with no regrets...and keep looking.
Thanks again

It's the married ones who are responsible for maintaining their own vows. If this guy wants to go behind his wife's back and go on flings with women then he's going to do it, if not with you than with somebody else. If it doesn't bother your conscience to be that woman, then it doesn't really matter. He is certainly using you, but then again you are using him, too. I don't think that this is degrading to you unless you feel degraded by it. So, you had a good time with him, but you two are not to be, and now you're moving on. Good luck with then.

I have a problem with all the righteousness on this thread.

Some people have different value placement on fidelity in a marrriage, as JPB was referencing re different cultures. This fellow may not be Mister Evil Personified.

Ironicbliss admitted straightaway that she herself has spoken the advice being given her (or the equivalent).
I agree with the consensus that further relationship with this fellow is at least a dead end and possible grief for all involved, but understand ironicbliss' present take on it as, paraphrasing, right guy, wrong time, and somehow affirming there can be a real relationship mate still out there.
I too say 'stop, and move on'.

Don't know much about your life otherwise, in whatever small community you are in, or your career interests. Thirty-seven can be a good time to energize and look further afield. You are actually free (it appears) and able (I'm guessing) to check out the world at large (not knowing if you're already a world traveller). Keep getting to know and believe in yourself, Ibliss. You don't need to do this episode again, but neither do I think you need to erase memory.

Me too! All that matters is if the people involved are happy enough with the present conditions to continue.

Welcome to A2K ironicbliss.

I found myself in your position several years ago and I know what you're feeling, which is why I stay far far away from men who are not available.
I didn't like the guilt I was living with and it's very important for me to live my life without guilt.
I think you made the right choice and I hope you find Mr. Right some day.

I'm still waiting for that right one ;-)

Wow....chumly...lets hear more from the devil...
Thanks everyone for the latest entries

Hey Montana,
Just saw your profile...I love horses too...currently got back into it, am sponsoring a gorgeous sweet arab....he's my REAL boyfriend!!
(now men...not literally..its a girl thing!) Do you own a horse? Do you have trails there? Where you live sounds gorgeous...thanks for your response...how long was your experience?

That reminds me that I truly need to change my profile since I made it some years back and things have changed a bit since then. My son will be 20 next month, so time to change the profile.
Awesome on the horses. I don't have one, but it doesn't take away my love for them. One of my local uncles has 2 beautiful horses who I see occationally, thought.

My affair lasted over a year and even though I will always regret it, I stopped kicking myself in the ass about it long ago.
I was fortunate enough not to have anyone judge me, but the guilt was still there.
I thought then and still think now that it wasn't me who was the ass, it was him.
I was single and will never let myself be judged for that. I wasn't the one who was cheating, he was!
I did feel bad about the wife and kids, but the bottom line was that it wasn't me who said "I do" and I wasn't responsible for a commitment someone else made.
If the time comes that I ever make that commitment, I'll sit back and let myself be judged, but not in the mean time.
I did the right thing for myself by ending it with the guy and I felt much better for it.

Oh, and yes, we have miles and miles of trails out back and my cousin takes his horse up there occationally.
I just don't have the time or funds to have a horse today, but who knows what'll happen tomorrow :-D

Lotto is up to 30 mil tomorrow