Having affair with happily married man?

Don't worry shewolf, I'm sure there are plenty of single clowns out there.

Sorry for all the clown talk, ironicbliss.

My husband says the same thing


(sigh)

I guess our fate is in their hands


( dramatic faint)

I moved from a large city, where I was born and spent most of my life, when I was 37. Met a wonderful man and married just before turning 40.

It can happen.

I'm voting with Joe (the smart guy) Nation. Shake things up. Move to another city.

Yeah. You've mentioned at least twice that there aren't many prospects locally, ironicbliss -- if that's the case, go elsewhere.

same
Its been lovely talking to y'all but one thing seems to be missing...the grey.
What if he's not a loser, and what if I'm not either...miss veteran of the internet? What if we are fulfilling a basic need thats as old as the hills AND he's honoring his primary relationship, all at the same time? What if he's actually keeping his wife and kids happy? What if some qualities in him that I need in a future mate wouldn't have been able to be recognized had I not become intimate with this one? And he makes me really happy...what about that?
Someone play outside the box with me for a minute...this man unlike all others I've read about isn't deluding me about his situation...he's really happy in his marriage and tells me that...he will never leave her and tells me that, not that any of this deserves a frigging medal but it IS different.
I admire and respect his situation and would never have planned this...and would never expect him to abandon his huge life for me. Oh yeah, I should mention that I'm dating, doing the online thing, and keeping my door open for someone more available. Also that he knows that and even (right now anyways ) wants to support that and help out...ok I know thats funny..
The point is we are generally honest good people who are talking every step of the way about both of our needs, our guilt, the possibility of continuing, stopping...we are good friends first and hopefully always...and I don't see lots of people out there like that..
Now thats all called philosophizing...so if someone knows how to do that instead of act like this is just another Jerry Springer show, please, lets dance. I need a conversation, not a frigging speech. thats what my moms for.

Oh... and "she wolf"?
Please. Of course, I'm using condoms, and of course I know I deserve more than a married man...why do you think I'm asking for feedback? Why would I be WORTH feedback unless I love myself? This is RARE behavior for me!!! Oh and acknowledging how the past may play a part in my current behavior isn't weak, its gutsy. Hard stuff to look at, and I'm proud I can.
You're kind of a bitch....
Clown I appreciate your response and glad you helped break my opinion about pro lifers by not saying I was going to hell. Kudos.

clown
Did i ever say anything about spending the rest of my life with him? No, it would probably be short lived...

ironicbliss, being in a similar situation myself, my only advice for you is to get out now while you still can, save yourself a lot of heartache. If you allow this to go on, you could fall in love with this man and be left with the painful longing for him, knowing you can never have him. He said he won't leave her, well you deserve better than that. You need someone who can devote himself fully to you and just you.

And oh my mushy pancakes...why do you say I'm "dedicating" myself to cheating his wife and kids? My God! I slept with him once, and now here I am asking for advice because I've never been here, and you make me sound like a seasoned veteran of slutdom.
Clearly some women still love patriarchy...
I also never said my dad didn't or wouldn't raise me...he did a wonderful job of raising me, and so did my mom....sorry I'm not jiving with your stereotypes of a slut.

Thanks Stargazer....thats alot more understandable. I'll take that one...
Blessings

Re: same


Any man who thinks its ok to cheat and lie is a loser in my book.

If his wife is ok with you being on the side and the relationship is open, more power to ya'll. But the fact remains that he is a lying, sneaking, cheating loser who doesn't have the balls to break if off with his wife for you.

Re: same


I almost spit my gum out at this.

I'm sure that his wedding vows included lying and cheating in the "honor" part.

You are desperatly trying to justify a situation you know is wrong.

Unless, of course like I said above, his wife knows all about this little affair of yours.

If you are such good and decent people, how can you justify to yourself (and he to himself) doing this to an innocent family? If his wife found out, would she just say "oh, he's generally a good and decent man" and forget about it?

Somehow I doubt that.

I don't want him to break up his marriage!!! For what? He has a beautiful life...I don't want to break that up!! And, so do I...my life is great, and I want to share it with someone who's NOT married.....this is a 'for now' situation....but Stargazer is right...I run the chance of falling in love with him..
Is everyone on here from the midwest?
His wife is happy. I have my own ways of knowing that....and she's NOT stupid either.
And wedding vows? I'm not even sure they work anyways!!! Go google "secret lovers"...theres a book on it by Luann Lindquist or something...she says 50%of married men and 30% of married women have affairs at some point in their marriage...

Oh, and yes Bella, I doubt that too...but there is that possibility isn't there?
Our conditioniong is SO thick its hard to know whats truly right and wrong anymore.

And...that makes it right?

You are delusional.

And if you play with fire, you deserve to get burned.
If you have no intention of being with this man, why are you f*cking around with him in the first place? Not enough single guys out there for you?

I have no sympathy for home wreckers who have no respect for another woman's husband. (and even less respect for the men who are screwing the home wrecker) You should have told him to bite it and walked away the moment you found out he was married.

But you didn't. And now you want us to say, what?

Not to me.

There is right and there is wrong. And lying, cheating and betraying the vows you took (whether they be in a church or privatly to one another) is wrong. Plain and simple.

There is no grey to me. You either love your spouse or you don't. And lying to someone is not the way you show love.

I should try not to be so harsh with you, but you seem to want us to say that what you are doing is ok.

And to me, it's not ok.

Swingers and threesomes, when both parties agree to it, married or not, is one thing. It's not the actual act that's bad. It's the lying. The cheating. The going behind the back of the person who he is suppose to love and betraying her sense of trust.

Not only is is wrong, it's degrading to YOU. It's an act of self-depreciation. You, as a human being, capable of giving and receiving love, deserve someone who is just with YOU.

And I'm not trying hard to justify, just to give you the full picture so that maybe someone actaully think about it, and take a breath before letting their background speak for them
I know that its wrong...but lots of things are!! Which ones are more important? If this is making me happy and the only people it could hurt don't know then who are we hurting? Can you philosophize?

Oh lord...I give up.

Not only is is wrong, it's degrading to YOU. It's an act of self-depreciation. You, as a human being, capable of giving and receiving love, deserve someone who is just with YOU. Not some rat bastard who can't keep his mitts out of the cookie jar.

If you think you don't deserve better, by all means, continue.

But I can't philosophize with someone who's rationalization of all this is that if she doesn't know it doesn't hurt her.

OK mama....this is never going to be a topic anyone can touch without getting touchy.
I'm outta here.
If you read back from the beginning I said I was always the one to speech my friends about being f&^% home wreckers...before I dis-owned them as friends. And Now look what happened. Enough time being single...fixing my own f%^^& plumbing, buying my own flowers, signing up for online F#$% ing dating...had made me strong and bitter, and not open. Just since this one night I've already opened back up. Don't ask ME why hope is coming in this ironic friggin shade of blue but it is.
So watch your judgement...you may find yourself eating your words like I did. I still can't understand how I got into this besides the obvious f%^^& oops now I've done it and its done. But I'm not going to bash me with you...