Having affair with happily married man?

ironicbliss wrote:

Wow....chumly...lets hear more from the devil...
Thanks everyone for the latest entries

I am not going to judge nor decide for you.

I will say some romantic paths are riskier and more painful than others. There have been many women (and men too) whom have valued their position as "second fiddle" for any number of reasons and lengths of time.

0 Replies

Yes I can see how some of those could work...as long as the person is in total acceptance of things as they are....
By the way I'm a musician too...what do you play?
Don't worry I won't let you decide...and this whole online thing has toughened my skin to being judged, too:)
Thanks for the input

0 Replies

ironicbliss -

we tune in here from different time zones, with different schedules.
We're pretty feisty. Some of us who might seem to be aflame at others here are actually supportive, push come to shove.

You started online with a hard one.

I started with some dumb question about corgis, expecting loads of answers.
Heh.
A now-good-friend straightened me out about something, whatever other question I asked, totally stupidly. We laugh.

0 Replies

I remember on another forum (Abuzz) when I was a total rookie to the internet and I was torn up a bit by a few who didn't quite believe my story, but I was angry enough and persistant enough to provide enough proof to change some minds of people who jumped the gun a bit.
I too have grown tougher skin from several years now on the internet, but I don't let it interfere with how I feel. I've learned to fight more for the things I believe are right and I always try to do the right things in life, in general. Even so, I'm still miles away from perfect and I accept that I'll continue to do stuff I regret, but I learn from my mistakes and move on. Works for me.

Like Osso mentioned, some posters here feel strongly about some things and don't hesitate to say what's on their mind and even though I don't always agree with them, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a fine group and I don't think you're so bad yourself ;-)

0 Replies

ironicbliss wrote:

Yes I can see how some of those could work...as long as the person is in total acceptance of things as they are....
By the way I'm a musician too...what do you play?
Don't worry I won't let you decide...and this whole online thing has toughened my skin to being judged, too:)
Thanks for the input

0 Replies

ironicbliss wrote:

OK mama....this is never going to be a topic anyone can touch without getting touchy.
I'm outta here.
If you read back from the beginning I said I was always the one to speech my friends about being f&^% home wreckers...before I dis-owned them as friends. And Now look what happened. Enough time being single...fixing my own f%^^& plumbing, buying my own flowers, signing up for online F#$% ing dating...had made me strong and bitter, and not open. Just since this one night I've already opened back up. Don't ask ME why hope is coming in this ironic friggin shade of blue but it is.
So watch your judgement...you may find yourself eating your words like I did. I still can't understand how I got into this besides the obvious f%^^& oops now I've done it and its done. But I'm not going to bash me with you...

Hostility is a result of...guilt?

And I would never find myself in this situation. I would not allow it. I have a little thing called self control.

0 Replies

ironicbliss wrote:

Thanks sozobe...it was just bella's messages kinda pissed me off.

The truth hurts, huh?

Ok, I'll lie to you.

You are doing the right thing by sleeping with a man who is not your husband. I mean, think of it...you get only the good parts of him, be damned all the annoying habits his wife has to put up with.

You are ridiculous. Rolling Eyes

0 Replies

ossobuco wrote:

I have a problem with all the righteousness on this thread.

Some people have different value placement on fidelity in a marrriage, as JPB was referencing re different cultures. This fellow may not be Mister Evil Personified.

Yeah, I was hoping C_Jane would stop by. She's the one who, over the course of many threads here, has convinced me that those of us with our puritan American mindsets have no clue what the rest of the world looks like in this regard. I certainly wouldn't be looking the other way if my husband was involved with someone else, but I keyed in on the point in the opening thread that these folks are from another country.

From that, I can accept the possibility that both of them have a don't ask, don't tell kind of relationship with regards to his infidelity. What matters isn't whether or not he's a jerk or his wife is naive, what matters is that ironicbliss went into this with her eyes open and is now trying to squint.

ironicbliss, there are no surprises here. This man is not going to give you what you are looking for longterm. He's been upfront and honest about what you can expect from him. There's no reason to think it will ever change.

0 Replies

ironicbliss wrote:

Thanks everyone! This whole online chatting thing is totally new to me, and despite a few slightly angry folks I got a lot of good advice...OK it was all leave him....except one who said marriage was just a business arrangement and do what I want which I disagree with...

Angry folks? You are the one name calling and spitting venom around. None of us are angry. I think the only one who is angry is you.

0 Replies

Chumly wrote:

ossobuco wrote:
I have a problem with all the righteousness on this thread.
Me too! All that matters is if the people involved are happy enough with the present conditions to continue.

Too bad his wife and kids don't know.

I was very clear in stating that if an arrangment between a married couple is made, all is well. If the wife is ok with it, great. Have at all the women you want. Some marriages are open that way. But that isn't the case here and isn't the case in 99% of these stories. It's all about what was agreed upon in the relationship.

ironicbliss, you've yet to tell us that his wife knows and is ok with his behavior. That you live in a culture where this is acceptable. You've yet to do anything except tell us to f*ck off for being honest with you and praise those who make you feel like what you're doing is ok.

You can't come on here and expect everyone to agree with you.

Righteousness? Maybe. But at least I have the self control and self worth to not put myself into a situation where I am helping to destroy something that doesn't belong to me. If someone else wants to be the other woman, that's their business but I can't understand anyone's desire to take part in that.

And if you bring up Montana I won't bait. Montana was extremely candid in saying what she did was mistake she will not repeat again.

0 Replies

Wow, a lot has been said since I last checked in. I'll bring up another point I've always thought was kinda funny.

Isn't it funny that a person who happily cheats with a married person is nearly always angry when their married spouse cheats on them? In other words Ironicbliss, would you be quite happy if one day this guy and you should marry (or any guy really) and your spouse finds another woman and cheats on you? If not, why in the name of sense would you do it to some other woman? Maybe you have no regard at all for someone else's life as long as you get what you want. Just something to think about.

And I have to agree with Bella on something else. You are the one that came on here and opened up your personal life in order to get advice from a bunch of strangers. It does not reflect well on you when you begin name calling those who are straight forward and give you advice you don't like. That is the way some are here, straight forward, no sugar coated advice. After all, isn't that why you asked? If you don't want opinions contrary to what you are doing, don't ask for them. But if you want all opinions, surely don't return honest sentiments about what you are doing by calling others names.

Ok, the clown has said enough. Have a really good day. I think I will.

0 Replies

Oh jeez...you've got me all wrong..Bella, just back off...JPB yes, I believe it is a don't ask don't tell situation....and I NEVER said anywhere that I had hopes for the future with this guy...alot of people keep talking about 'he'll never leave his wife' or 'he'll never give you what you deserve' Thank you, but i know that, I don't want him to leave his family for me! I also don't expect to get what I deserve, I am still looking...in fact I have a wee date tonight...
I was unclear in my original description, by not saying I wasn't looking for a long term love from this man...just was stating what I was doing, how I felt, what it looked like, and what we both are like.
Bella, I use the f&^% thing because I'm a passionate person and wanted to describe that its been difficult being alone. I called she wolf a bitch because I truly think she showed a real lack of compassion, and well, acted bitchy. I said your comments pissed me off because they did...so? And I NEVER...for anyone who has said I did...said what I was doing was hunky dory!!! Or right!!! I said I was confused... I think you just want to bash me, not give me input...you said yourself earlier on that you were a bit harsh...well this is my reaction to your harshness. Thanks for your input but no thanks. And I'm glad for your self control...I've always had it too, then ONE night in my life I lost it a bit...so kill me!!
By the way, by now you've all hopefully figured out that I swear a bit. I quit smoking recently and am a bit of a trucker ever since. Besides that I am in an industry where people do that. Sorry if people are taking it the wrong way...
Oh and Bella...who made you the Judge of Infidelity? Whats your experience with it? Did you graduate with honors from the School of Morals? Is your record with self control totally and completely clean? Ever f&^% up in life and hurt yourself or someone else? If so then shut the f!@# up dear. Oops did I use the funny symbols again...
Oh and coastal...I don't know? Isn't everyone angry who that happens to? Yeah, it wouldn't thrill me...maybe I don't need to get married though to fulfill my loneliness...there is that boyfriend phase...and if I didn't have regard for someone elses life why would I be here asking for input!!! The kids and wife are on my mind mostly! I have no intention of taking him away from that, nor does he ever want to leave...did y'all miss that part? Thats what makes it interesting...and thats also why I got pissy...your judgement quickly got in the way of hearing the things I said. (not just coastal rat)

0 Replies

ironicbliss wrote:

Oh jeez...you've got me all wrong..Bella, just back off...

Make me. Last I checked this was the internet and open to anyone.

0 Replies

OK then silly...keep goin...but at least get what I wrote straight.

0 Replies

ironicbliss wrote:

Bella, I use the f&^% thing because I'm a passionate person and wanted to describe that its been difficult being alone. I called she wolf a bitch because I truly think she showed a real lack of compassion, and well, acted bitchy. I said your comments pissed me off because they did...so?

And I said I think your a home wrecker with low self worth, so?

ironicbliss wrote:

Oh and Bella...who made you the Judge of Infidelity? Whats your experience with it? Did you graduate with honors from the School of Morals? Is your record with self control totally and completely clean? Ever f&^% up in life and hurt yourself or someone else? If so then shut the f!@# up dear. Oops did I use the funny symbols again...

Well, officially I was made the Judge of Infidelity about 2 months ago, having been deemed the most moral person here on A2K. Rolling Eyes

Seriously, you have some real anger issues. The fact that you can't even take the opinions of strangers on the internet for what they are and instead lash out and sound like a crying five year old shows us all just how mature and adult you are. You don't even have to read what I write and yet you do and then you try and flame me with your childish name calling and nasty comments.

No, I haven't experienced infedility in my marriage so it isn't me who's angry with the world and all the cheaters in it.

And yes I have messed up. The difference between you and me is that I didn't come here looking for justification that what I'd done was ok. If your ok with it, then be ok with it. Quit looking for people to "understand you." Grow some balls and be ok with the decisions you make in life.

You're spineless if you let the comments and opinions of people on the internet make you this angry and this defensive. Obviously, you aren't secure in your decision making or you'd take my comments with a grain of salt. But you don't and you didn't. You continue to try and justify your bitchiness and your lack of self control by trying to make me look bad. Which is just a defense tactic that makes you look worse than I ever could.

You want me to leave this thread? Fine. I have nothing more to say to you anyway. You wanted advice/opinions and I gave one. Too bad you've got your head too far up your ass to see that I am just one person with an opinion you never had to listen to.

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone's got one.

0 Replies

Ok. So we didnt hear you right.

You want us to call you some kind of sexual martyr?

You want us to praise you for saying you 'feel wrong'?

I dont care who you sleep with, personally. It just saddens me to hear a woman lower herself to go after someone who can not be there for her in any matter, simply because she was horny. Then turn around and praise him as if he is wonderful and perfect, while he is deliberately lying to his wife and abandoning his family. Thats a great guy right there..!

Seems like all you want to hear are fanciful ideas of how much fun it was.

Well, if it was so much fun , go do it again and shut up about it.

I just dont see why you would think so little of yourself that you would chase a man who cant offer you anything and why you think he is so wonderful and so great and "so worth the time' when he is obviously a liar and a cheat.

great men attract great women though dont they. Wink

A man who will lie to his wife, have sex with someone else behind her back is not worth anyones time.
But most women who think highly of themselves know this.

And you dont know their relationship.
He may THINK she is laughing when she asks him if it is his girlfriend on the phone, but it might be killing her inside.
But that doesn't matter to the selfish man. Or the selfish woman who chooses to sleep with him knowing he has a family. He is betraying her trust in one of the most horrible ways... and being praised for it.

You amaze me.

He isnt this honest, open man you think he is.
But , it doesnt seem that you want to hear anything other then a peachy happy story.

It doesnt sound to me like you " quit smoking"

it sounds to me like you just have an attitude problem and enjoy attention. At all costs.

0 Replies

Ironic, seems you think everyone here is out to criticize you. From your responses and your tone, I think we can all take a guess as to why you are alone. You've earned it.

Hope you find what you are looking for, but it will be difficult with an attitude and mouth like you have. But good luck anyway.

This clown is outta here.

0 Replies

Ironicbliss--

Back in the '60, "philosophical discussion" of romanic affairs was called "situational ethics". Pretty much anything was hunky-dory as long as no one got hurt.

In your first post you seemed to be reasoning that life cut you a raw deal because you live in a small town where all the good men are spoken for. A married man sought you out, assured you that his wife was a sophisticated and understanding woman and that his kids were not a consideration for him.

He wanted a Friend with Benefits and decided that you could be that friend.

You were tempted. You fell. You've looked at your behavior and decided that your not a Part Time Woman.

I think you were hoping for some immediate fellow feeling on A2K. We're a good group of people--albeit with individual off days, sore spots and hot button issues--but we're not an automatic Support Group.

I'm guessing that Shewolf and Bella haven't been any harsher to you than you've been on yourself--but right now you're the only friend you can really count on and you have a tendency to be on the defensive.

Welcome to A2K.

0 Replies

I appreciate all your comments...sorry if I was a bitch, this is a tough time. And yes I did quit smoking after 22 years 30 days ago...so I might be feeling a wee bit psycho. Just to be kind to myself for a moment...
As I said last night I'm going to stick with my plan of ending it. And I appreciate, (as I said before) all the input...as I've never done the online chat thing. I think I prefer doing the in person thing though, I don't think this kind of communication should be called communication. And I've never HAD the opinions of strangers on the internet, so I couldn't know how I'd react after sleeping with a married man and quitting smoking AND getting loads of opinions from strangers.
Clearly I do have some childish traits or I wouldn't have screwed a married man, and then gotten on this chat thing, and asked a bunch of strangers for input. But I guess the end result is most important...I came, I saw, I learned, and left. Truly, thank you. Now I'd like to propose that we all stop beating me up. I'm SO done...

0 Replies

I just read backward and 1. see where I was all over the place and 2.see where I ended the madness and said I'd end the 'affair'...
Funny some of you still had to keep bashing at me...
Hope you'll ease up when the next person says you're right...my god.
Bye, nice to meet some of you!

0 Replies

Having affair with happily married man?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know