Sad things make me return

If she has come to the point where she shows no emotion , that says to me she has come to terms with this long before she even told you.

Im sorry that it had to happen that way for you.

Proba;;y the best thing for you would be to just do as Noddy suggested and get help for YOU. And not try to force/push help on her.
Making the decision to leave a husband who isnt home has to be terrifying for her too.
She unfortunatly has had the time to grieve what she thinks is lost already.
You have not.
it is unfair, but I agree with Noddy 100+% with the suggestion of taking care of yourself first..... and seeing if things fall into place later.

Why do you get the couch? She's leaving in a month and you're staying, right? If someone has to sleep on the couch, I'm not so sure it should be you.

A marriage needs two people to keep it alive and well, but only one person is needed to wreck a marriage.

Since she's pregnant (how far along?) I'd let her have the bed.

I'd also arrange to spend as little time at home with her has possible. Avoiding her means avoiding confrontation.

Hold your dominion.

she is going on two months pregnant. And that is the only reason why i let her have the bed. And in some sick way I want to be home with her. I hope everyday that i am home that she wll just come talk to me. I am probably just setting myself up for failure like tht, but I am not to to stop hoping. I just dont know how to give up on this. I tell myself it is over and that im doing trying and yet i find myself trying harder and harder as each day passes.

I've been through this planning-to-go-but-can't-leave-just-yet phase, and it was the most stressful time in my life. It's not good for either of you, and it's certainly not good for the baby.

Can't you give her the money, or sell something, so that she can go?

There's no point in holding on to something that isn't there. Let her go. In fact, help her go. If you don't, things will only get worse.

i would but in the process of paying bills and getting things for her that she wants/needs we do not have enough money to do that and have enough money for me to live on til pay day. Also she as no money at all. She has been living off of me the whole time we have been married

Does she have any friends she could stay with?

Do you?

I really think this is an unhealthy situation for all three of you.

friends here? only one, and they have a 9 month old child. she never mae the attempt to make any friends here once she came to the conclusion that she hated this place.

i honestly dont think i have any friends that i could stay with. to much of a burden.

Seed, by going home do you mean that she is going to return to her family? If so, is there someone there who could help with the finances of an earlier return?

her mother will not help support her. her mother called her an idiot about the whole situation. she lived the past 5 years with her aunt and uncle. they too are hard on her now that it has come to this and they do not have the funds to help out, not with a child on the way. this is still my family though and i will do everything i can to ensure that it is taken care of until it is out f my hands. it might hurt for her to stay here, but its what hast o be done so i know that when she does leave that she at least leaves with some money to support herself.

This really is concerning me: two persons (and an unborn baby!) are still staying in one room (even in one bed) who are in what looks like a rather desperate situation ... Getting somehow seperate place for the two of you would at least calm the situation a bit.

Or make it less dangerous - if only for the baby.

Seed,

Is the military offering any type of counselling for you as a returning Iraq war vet? Unfortunately, there are thousands of stories just like yours from returning troops. Check it out, OK?

You sound like a good guy, Seed. She was probably not ready for the strains of being a soldier's wife.

Are you out of the service now? What kind of a job do you have? Can your wife find employment where she is headed?

Hi Seed. Nice to see you again. Sorry to hear about your marriage trouble.

I don't have any advice, but just remember, a shaved nut sack gathers no moss.

if she has no money now, how is she going to collect enough to move out?

Will she be able to sustain herself ??

I am still in that army. I will probably do 20years, but that is another topic in itself. They do provide counseling for us if we ask for it. i have talked tot he chaplin a few times.

as far as her not having money she just started a job here as a pharmacy tech. she is going to work there a month and then go home and get her old job back at walgreens as a pharmacy tech there.

How can one measure himself when everything in his world has been destroyed? I look down at my hand and i see a ring upon my finger. i look in the bath room and i see the pairing to this ring sitting on the sink, and i think so myself how can I love so much and the other love so little. How can my feelings hurt so much, and hers feel so little.

it is a very depressing situation, and it is all foreign to me. I know not how to take it. My only out let is typing and talking tot he few people around here who care enough to ask me about what is wrong. I have had bad relationships before, and none of them ever hurt this bad. My life is at a standstill right now and i feel the tires slowly starting to roll backwards. i do not know how to get them going in the right direction again.

The thought that hurts me the most is "what of my child?" how will i ever get the time that i want him him/her? how can i live my life away from something is so near and dear to me. how can i live a life with something that should be such a huge part of my life having so little of my time.

my mind races around twenty million questions a day, and the only one that can answer them for me is not willing to talk. If my hair was long enough to pull out, i would be bald by now.

I really think, Seed, you should try to talk to someone 'live', be it that chaplain or any other (military) person expirenced in councelling.

It hopefully does good to 'talk' to us, but the personal situation = sitting opposite to the person you're talking at, would be a lot better, I think.

Seed, as long as the two of you are in the same house it will be very, very difficult for you to move forward. Waiting for what will happen is probably harder than dealing with the reality of it, once it occurs. In one day you saw how hard it will be to stay together while the financials get sorted out. Being in limbo for another month or two is not a healthy option. Can you get alternative housing from the military for yourself?

Are you at home now, seed, or at the job with the army?

Seed--

Time is going very slowly right now, but time will pass.



Living paycheck to paycheck is a strain on any marriage.

Can you come up with a figure of exactly how much money she'll need to go back home and establish just how much of this money is going to come out of your pocket?

Her new job as a Pharmacy Tech sounds like an excellent idea. Try to avoid the trap that "what is hers is hers and what is yours is also hers."

Granted, I know you and I don't know her, but it seems to me that she's asking a lot of you, demanding that you support her while you're putting up with her tantrums.

Ask the chaplain if he is willing to act as a referee (not a counsellor) for working out a budget for the two of you for the next six weeks.

I know that your world has fallen completely apart. You're a Can Do guy and the idea that you're in a mess--where you don't want to be--and you have no control over what is most important in your life is very hard to take.

Have you thought about trying to get custody of the baby?