Hey
all
Craven just PM-ed me to say not to post in caps as it is cosidered as "shouting"on the Net. Sorry about that but i
was just to lazy to capitalize my words. i will keep this in mind for when really need to shout.
( see what i mean about
lazy!!
I've been married
to the same guy for over 34 years now. That takes me back to a period when it was not particularly acceptable to live
together (in fact it was down right frowned upon). Now both my kids are living with their 'significant others' and I
personally think it's not such a bad idea. My daughter is getting married next June (she's the type who has dreamed of the
wedding dress thing since early childhood). My son and his girlfriend have purchased a house together and say they will
marry before they have kids.
The main reason I think it's not a bad idea is that one learns an awful lot about
one's mate by sharing living quarters that can't possibly be found out any other way. A lasting marriage has more to do
with committment to each other than it does to anything else. And before one can make a committment to anything, one should
really know what it is that one is committing to.
My husband, by the way, was raised a serioud Catholic and has had
some trouble adjusting to his children living 'in sin', but he's come around with a little help.
Hi bandylu! Nice to
see you.
Yeah, I'm all for living together before marriage. It just seemed to remove the whole "...and I'm gonna
have to deal with this FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!" stressor. 'Cause it's rarely smooth for two adults to combine
households, but it seems to be easier there is less pressure. I think it was different when the expectation was that women
would move out of their parent's home and into their husband's -- adulthood! -- as opposed to living on one's own for a
while.
I liked Jes' "why NOT?" list. It's also just fun to start introducing someone as "my husband/ my wife"; for
good or ill, that's seen as a whole different kettle of fish than "my boyfriend/ my girlfriend."
(Been with hubby 10+
years, married 6+.)
Thanks Pharon
I've
heard this anecodote but it has been awhile. Of course, it is best to 'hear it again' with 'new ears' when the timing is
personal, as this reply was! I thank you for your feedback. Will look forward to seeing you and other new friends in this
forum as well as others here or is that *here*?
Regarding Craven's reference to wrapping the fella up for a sleepover....I think he's referring to an old Amish custom of having the engaged couple sleep together with a divider between them. Seems to me I saw that in a movie or read about it somewhere. If I'm wrong, forgive please.
Regarding marriage....there are no guarantees on anything in life including marriage.
Personally I think that some folks enter into marriage with too much seriousness and need to take things with a bit more lightness. Beloved and I both laughed all the way through our marriage ceremony and are pretty much still laughing 31+ years later.
Like everything else in life, marriage is a give and take situation. You must first be friends and then be ready to take whatever you are capable of dishing out.
Aha! Caught JesusGirl on her second post. Glad you joined us, JG.
When we were married 30 years ago, that was the only thing to do. Young folks like us didn't just live together. The first 5 years of our marriage were spent learning to be a couple, and, boy, it wasn't easy. Then we coasted for 5 glorious years. After that we had kids. The last 20 have been focused on trying to be as good parents as we are partners. It's been 30 great years, more credit to him than me, I think.
Mckenzie - something you said struck a chord with me. My first husband and I became so good at parenting and taking care of business that we lost the romance part of marriage. When the romance was kaput, other positive aspects of the relationship left as well. We ended as roommates, partners, parents, and friends, but NOT married.
I recently read that many marriages last as long as the mortgage obligations. This was decribed as the 'real' commitment. A financial one.
Apparently many marriages break up after the the home has been paid off ... Then couples separate & divide the assets.
I wonder how many couples stay together because of the huge financial investment?
msloga- I remember my psychology teacher telling her class that, "Correlation does not necessarily mean causality".
I think that in the case of expiring mortagages, there are other factors at work. Twenty-thirty years after marriage is the time of the "empty nest syndrome". Children leave home, and couples discover that the only thing that they had in common all these years were the kids. Also, I believe that mid-life crisis comes into play at this time of life.
The ending of the mortgage may just be the "icing on the cake".Since the financial obligation is ending, it may be easier financially to break up a moribund marriage.
I remember an Ursula Le Guin book --I think "The Left Hand of Darkness" -- in which people entered into a romantic partnership for 7 years, and 7 years only. At the end of those 7 years, they could choose to renew, or not. Always thought that was interesting (though would have LOTS of drawbacks, too...)
Sozobe, that's interesting. I have a feeling most of the men and at least half of the women would opt not to renew.
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While they are waiting, they begin to wonder, "Could they possibly get married in Heaven?" When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sits and waits for an answer. It takes a couple of months. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asks the frightened couple. "OH, C'MON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
I've come to the conlusion that we marry in a fit of optimism.
Then divorece in a fit of disillusionment & pessimism.
We seem to do so little with our feet firmly planted on the ground!
