Mapleleaf what a relief you're back safe and sound.
Dear Diary,
This is my first time to experience a long stay in a hospital. The experience of dailysis ,wherein one is left almost totally without energy, dominates my existence.
Maple
Sending you an e-hug and kind thoughts. Get well soon.
KP
An e-hug from me too, Mapleleaf!
Thanks folks...yip, one can go almost anywhere in the world and find an A2K friend.
e-hug from me also!! hang in there guy!
Hey Mapleleaf, take care ...
hey ML...best wishes flowing your way
Good heavens Pitter. "Pure" Spanish isn't worth that much risk. Get the hell outta there! You know of other, safer locations. Think it through, man.
Mapleleaf, my friend! How are you? I am very sorry to hear you had to undergo dialysis. Remember when we talked about the company I work for that makes dialyzers?
I am thinking of you...
Dear Diary,
Actually I came here in the middle of the night because I am angry at my boss.
But I read so much about Cavfancier that I could not stop crying.
Now I see that Mapleleaf was in the hospital.
Who am I to complain...
Mapleleaf, take good care of yourself. I do hope to see you again sometime not so far in the future.
Mapleleaf wrote:Dear Diary,
This is my first time to experience a long stay in a hospital. The experience of dailysis ,wherein one is left almost totally without energy, dominates my existence.
Are you out there? How do I contact you?
Dear Diary: today was the first time I didn't cry on the subway on the way to work since Cav died. I cried walking to the subway, and once at work, but it's a bit less. Had a moment where I was mad at him for leaving all of us - with so many things left to talk about. Things we'd started talking about here, and while he was in hospital. Wishing we could really really do something to make Buttercup feel better right now. Mad that there probably isn't.
Bless your sweet heart eBeth
ehbeth, this is hard. Have you ever seen the 5 Stages of Dying? They don't just apply to someone who is ill. They also apply to those who have lost someone suddenly. If you feel like it, check this page out. It might help you (or anyone else) feel better about the way you are feeling. I know a lot of people feel guilty for being angry. But it is totally normal. ((((((ehbeth))))))) hugs for you!!
And mapleleaf hugs for you too! (((((((mapleleaf)))))))
5 Stages of Dying
07.03.05
Every time I see her, or hear her talk, excited stories of a latest brainwave or the thinnish voice of a little girl, all I want is to wrap my wings around her. I care for her so much. And she's so full of love, of pure good will and a kind of primal, innocent idealism - when she feels free ... But when I walk out into a brisk day, or I'm satiated with a happy moment, or come home from a night out with friends, I feel a searing power to, finally, unfold my wings - and perhaps even fly ... be again, who i could be perhaps. And there's the rub ... because I know, from bitter experience, that I don't have the strength to do both at the same time - I don't stand in my feet strongly enough - can't hold her and rise.
Shto delat'? Deep down, of course I still want to be with her - and be there again whenever she wakes from a bad dream, or caress her hair so she can let the thoughts go and find quiet for the night ... and bask in the love she has, too, her belief-defying loyalty. But I would still not be able to deal with the fury, the tumultuous pendulum from anger to wide-eyed excitement to reproachful resentment and back again to breakable gratitude - I'm not made for rollercoasters, my constitution doesn't hold up. I fall apart, my sense of self itself fragmentates. And I don't want to lose my way again ...
But still, the tug. I wished I could just win the lottery or something, and win a million or two - then at least I could set up something so she wouldnt have to go through this struggle of existence, every day again, the challenge just too harsh - she'd have the freedom to be creative, unfold her many ideas, work up something ... I wished ... I could help.
A hug to you, Beth.
