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What's an honest man to do, really?

 
 
dream2020
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 06:48 am
ossobuco wrote:

Plus the topic question leads me to think that you are in search of batches of thrills, which I won't go so far as knocking, but are a bit of a tangent to long term coexistence.


One of the strange things about the singles scene which I found out about is that some people like it, connecting with a man/woman, but soon moving on because they think there is someone better out there. There are plenty of singles groups activities/ads in the paper/ dating services (where I am, anyway in the NY Metropolitan area), why not look some more, they think. Those batches of thrills Osso mentions are what people are after, under the guise of not finding the right person.

When I married, I didn't feel as though my intended was perfect for me in a romantic sense. But he was a good, gentle person, (cute, too) and we liked some of the same things. The adjustment was difficult, and for a number of years I didn't think it was going to last. But after 12 years and having a daughter, I can say we made the right choice. Thrills have not been there, but as Osso says, they aren't part of long-term co-existence.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 06:57 am
Dream, so you think it's strange how someone would move on looking for someone "better?" I would think it's strange settling down with someone just to have a long term relationship, without knowing they were THE person. Like my roomate, he's with this girl, none of his friends really like her(this doesn't really matter to him, I guess), she's possessive, jealous, obviously has a lot of insecurities. He told me he's giving it a shot because he's "sick of relationships not working," he's "getting older," blah blah blah. Man, that's a recipie for disaster. If you need someone in your life to be happy...then you'll never be really happy, even with someone.
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the prince
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 06:59 am
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
If you need someone in your life to be happy...then you'll never be really happy, even with someone.


Sometimes Slappy says sensible things as well !! Couldn't agree more with you mate.....
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dream2020
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 07:14 am
Slappy, thinking that there is THE person is an illusion. Most people settle down if/when they know what they want. You're, what? In your twenties? I didn't know what I wanted until I was in my mid-thirties. Some people like being single, and know it. That's great, too. This whole discussion we're having with Code has to do with knowing you want to be connected with someone, but trying to figure out how to get there.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 08:19 am
I know that "THE" person doesn't exist...guess what I meant was "the person I want to settle with.," opposed to "hey, we love each other, so let's get married and hope it works!"

Also, I don't think it's healthy to think you need someone in your life to be happy, either. Nothing wrong with wanting someone there, but until you're happy with yourself, you should stay on your own.

Thanks Gautum...those sensible statements only come while high on acid and rat poison.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 08:22 am
True true true.
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cavfancier
 
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Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 08:45 am
Love is that one mistake you make that lands you in prison....soon it's not so much about passion as it is about bartering ciggies for dish and laundry duties, or taking care of the baby....I'm joshing here, but one does need to accept that things do change once committed to someone, and as long as you are able to accept that, go for it. With a near 50% divorce rate in the US, it is clear that marriage and commitment are not for everyone. If you maintain hope of meeting that special someone, you probably will, but 90% of them will be that 'special someone for now.' You most likely will not recognize your soulmate when you see them....that kind of figuring takes time.
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patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 09:41 am
Years ago, I was in the position to choose between two women. At the time I found it somewhat difficult. Now I can't believe I even had to think about it.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 10:56 am
Patio, 6 months ago, I put myself in the position to choose between two women. So I broke up with one, then got dumped by the other a few months later.

Now I know better...just keep em' all around.
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patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 11:08 am
I tried, but these two knew each other. It was a one or none situation.
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dream2020
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 12:22 pm
cavfancier wrote:
You most likely will not recognize your soulmate when you see them....that kind of figuring takes time.


There's a big difference between settling with and settling for someone. There's no worse feeling than being 'settled' and feeling like you made a mistake Shocked A creepy sense of boredom and 'who is this stranger in my bed???' malaise will set in after 6 months or so. But what Cav says is true, you won't know right away, the 6 months test is a good start.

I was divorced once and dated for 16 years before I married again. I took my time and I'm glad I did.
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dream2020
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 12:54 pm
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

Also, I don't think it's healthy to think you need someone in your life to be happy, either. Nothing wrong with wanting someone there, but until you're happy with yourself, you should stay on your own.

Thanks Gautum...those sensible statements only come while high on acid and rat poison.


When you said being alone here, did you mean being celibate? :wink:
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 01:06 pm
Nah...
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Sofia
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 01:07 pm
Slappy....
celibate Shocked

muahahahaha Laughing
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 01:15 pm
What? I haven't been talking about ME here.

But since you bring it up, I am saving myself for that special someone. I'm a virgin.
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dream2020
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 01:26 pm
Laughing
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CodeBorg
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Jun, 2003 10:09 pm
We all have our little secrets Slappy. Nobody here will tell! Laughing


The "one and only"... definitely a myth! Every relationship is give and take, compromise and share, do what you can. Sometimes, maybe it just takes 6 months for the realities to set in?

If anything the "one and only" should be ones own self. That's the one person you can't divorce or walk away from.

Living alone, I've been able to appreciate many different people and things around me. Once ya got the knack for love, independently of anyone, then it's not the needy love that keeps relationships together anymore. Then it's the mutual interest and conscious decision that makes a relationship happen. My theory of the day.

Take it from me. I know all about this stuff (not!).




As a friend of mine yells: "Prisoner of Love. Out on bail!"
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