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What's an honest man to do, really?

 
 
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:13 pm
What's an honest man to do, really?

I took these women out to dinner once, to a nice place in the city.
One was a model and the other a receptionist. I like watching two
women interact, because they let their guard down and then their true
personality comes out. Sooner or later women always get around to
talking about sex, and it turned out they were both really interested
to try a professional. Just to see what a difference that makes, in
quality, substance and technique. They got pretty excited about it anyways.

Perhaps I'm a little too considerate and polite, or eager to learn
about what women really like, but as a gentleman I went along.

We went to a few clubs and saw some shows with both men and women,
and the flashlights and dildos seemed kind of silly. They talked to
a few guys and picked one they liked. We went to the back room together.

It was a little awkward for me as a straight guy, because I felt a
responsibility to check him out and make sure everything was safe for
them. He seemed clean, healthy, and respectful. I talked with
him a bit. They said his cologne was really nice, so very discretely I
sniffed the air and wondered "Vanilla... What the hell?"

So they did a little of this and a little of that, and then the other thing
too. Once they really got started, it got emotionally too complicated
for me to watch, and I had to go wait outside. I have too many dreams
waiting to be fulfilled. I had to get some air.

Also, since I was paying for the evening and being the gentleman about it,
I didn't want my dates to feel pressured later on. If I bought them dinner,
drinks and entertainment too, they should be free to enjoy the evening
for what it is, without that subtle "Well I paid all that money for him
to do you, so don't you owe me a little something, huh?". I hate it when
women complain about the pressure to have sex, because I respect the
relationship and our time together a lot more than that.

So we just had a nice evening and that was all.

It was only our third date, and I wasn't quite ready to go much further
than that, anyways. If they respect me as an individual, they would
understand it takes time to get to know somebody, to establish trust and
commitment before our relationship becomes more intimate on an emotional
and physical level.

But I'm a feminist though, and if my dates want to have sex with someone
so soon, then that's what we should do. My greatest thrill in life is to
give people pleasure! I love it when folks smile so big and say thank you!
I really do. Maybe this was too much, too soon in our relationship, but
they seemed like mature, responsible women who could be clear about things.

And I did actually learn a lot about their tastes and preferences. One of them
liked one thing, and another liked something else. It was a good opportunity to
communicate our fantasies, hopes and dreams, and the things that make us human.
Every woman is different, like no two roses are the same. Like no two
ponds in the mountains, or clouds in the sky. You have to ask and listen,
then just sit back and appreciate.

You have to love every molecule of their being, or you're not really alive.

As a feminist, I challenge any woman out there to pay for such an evening,
if they are taking a man out on a date. Equality, huh? Hopefully. Someday.

Both women were very good looking, but it turned out, not really relationship
material. One of the women was just a player, kind of self-centered and arrogant,
and didn't stick around much. She had a lot of growing up to do.
But the other one developed into a good friendship for a while. We spent some
time together, talking about family and life, and shared some really good moments.
Until she got a new job across the state, got bigger boobs, and then like so
many people she was gone.

I don't know anyone who sticks around for the really good stuff. Sometimes it
takes me years to find a relationship, someone who's open and honestly
ready for the intimacy of a real partner and true companion. It's a very special
woman who even has the time to hang out and really talk, without all those silly
games! I don't know. Everybody's different I guess.

What would you do if your date wanted to have sex?
Do you think it's right to date two women at the same time?

I'd still like to find a real woman someday. Do you have any advice?
Just curious I guess.
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cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:27 pm
The rules of sex and relationships have outgrown my Not Quite Victorian lifestyle. Wouldn't know what to say. c.i.
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Acquiunk
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:31 pm
This might be real life, but I suspect it is creative writing.
0 Replies
 
chatoyant
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:32 pm
Acquiunk, I hope you're right!
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CodeBorg
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:35 pm
San Francisco, July of 1999, right before I moved to the mountains.
I still ask women what they really like and want, and few people actually say.
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:36 pm
Hmmmmmmm.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:46 pm
Double hmmmm....
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 05:49 pm
so did you or the ladies leave a tip?
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 06:09 pm
hahaha
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 06:26 pm
What was the question again? I think I got distracted :wink:
0 Replies
 
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 06:42 pm
Wow, cborg - you weren't just dating two women at once - juggling time spent alone with them, but you were actually dating two women at the SAME TIME. How interesting. I dunno if I could do it - be one of the pair of women. And, to be honest I wouldn't be likely to hire a professional for anyone and wouldn't a professional hired for me either. Feminism or not (still trying to figure in the feminism part).
0 Replies
 
CodeBorg
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 06:54 pm
dyslexia wrote:
so did you or the ladies leave a tip?

I did of course... :-) It's a service industry!

I know it's a strange situation to think about, the laws of physics
don't seem to apply. It couldn't possibly happen, ever, anywhere.
It doesn't fit any of our prejudice or stereotypes!

But (if I may rant) I'm so tired of hearing people constantly accuse men of just wanting sex, that they're always pushy and controlling, responsible for the women's discomfort, blaming this and evil that. Is any good scenario even possible? I never read about it in the news. People don't gossip about how wonderful "he" is.

I know there are a lot of valid reasons for it, but it would be a wonderful shock to hear appreciation of men for being ... male!
Somewhere in society.

All the nicest guys I know can't find dates, or start families, because there is not much positive news or encouragement of men, to keep them around. I can only go where I'm welcome, so I live in the mountains alone, and really get into music.

Most folks are not that lucky, but live their lives in quiet desperation without the beauty and support of nature. Or men learn to be numb, like your dad, just to stay alive.

ehBeth wrote:
What was the question again? I think I got distracted :wink:

I've never shared these events with anyone, but I figure A2K folks are
probably the most apt to see things from someone else's shoes.
People here tend to think(!), so "Hmmmmmmmmmmm...." is actually very encouraging to me.

It can be a heavy topic or it can be light. If you're nice I'll tell you about my lesbian non-sexual lover, and that'll really tweak you. :-)
I guess the real question is ... Where do you find real people,
intelligent, caring, leisurely and nice?





BTW -- I don't really recommend double-dating unless you're really clear and curious at the time.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:10 pm
CB - your original post here was very honest, and courageous. I took it to be the straight out truth (as I did the first one, on the other thread).

And honestly, I was getting distracted - literally sentence to sentence. It's times like this that I wish I had a working printer, so I could keep track of the thread.

Trying to figure out relationships at the most simple, basic man-woman level is difficult. I'm quite sure I would have panicked in your situation. Not only is there probably NOT a guide book, you're really on your own with figuring out everything! And if there is a guidebook, each individual set of interactions ... well, it's [email protected] complicated. I give you credit for even trying.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:13 pm
and meeting nice people? I met a very nice young man today. Well, I've met him before, he created my first (and today, my second) tattoo. If I weren't, well, you know, attached, and 20 years older ...

You can meet nice people at the tattoo parlour, Home Depot, walking the dog. Rule #1 - you've gotta be where people are to meet them.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:17 pm
ehBeth wrote:
CB - your original post here was very honest, and courageous. I took it to be the straight out truth (as I did the first one, on the other thread).

And honestly, I was getting distracted - literally sentence to sentence. It's times like this that I wish I had a working printer, so I could keep track of the thread.

Trying to figure out relationships at the most simple, basic man-woman level is difficult. I'm quite sure I would have panicked in your situation. Not only is there probably NOT a guide book, you're really on your own with figuring out everything! And if there is a guidebook, each individual set of interactions ... well, it's [email protected] complicated. I give you credit for even trying.



I agree with Beth. I wish there was a simple answer, but the truth is that everyone is different and has different ways of doing things.

I do admire your courage in telling us your story. I love a person that has guts and isn't afraid to be honest ;-)
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:23 pm
Or, you've gotta have an open mind to 'meet' people anywhere.
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Sofia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:32 pm
I had decided against posting, but it posted anyway.
0 Replies
 
CodeBorg
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:52 pm
Hmmmmmm....

I think it was a very odd date.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:55 pm
Sofia, why did you delete the entire post? I saw it while it was still there, and thought you had some interesting things to bring to the discussion.

(the last sentence could have been a whole other thread)
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Jun, 2003 07:56 pm
Now CB is hmmmmmmming.
hmmmmmmmm
0 Replies
 
 

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