I dunno, Code, what you write rings of years ago to me. Somehow I doubt you really have lived the life you write of and if you have, I think your questions might be other than those posed here. I am seeing a construct here, and don't know you well enough to guess the whys.
"Seeing a construct" is sharply intuitive, can mean different things:
I did write about my date in story form, so maybe the lyrical quality makes
it seem unreal. But the only thing adjusted in the telling is that I
emphasized the relationship aspects, to bring out such common questions
in a funny way. I want to make it very clear to people that men don't just
want sex, that we do crave closeness and communication. An
emotionally-fulfilling relationship is often standing right in front of you,
looking like a jerk because we just don't have good examples to follow.
We need teachers. All of us need to publicize good examples(!) not the dragging
complaints. Do you know *anyone* who has a healthy relationship? Let's hear it!
Some people do live a lie, without really knowing it. They have some kind
of script in mind, constantly rationalizing and working with their image of it.
I worry about that sometimes ... if I'm just writing a story every time I do
something (acting out), instead of just being in the moment (genuine).
Without turning this into group-therapy, I would like people in my life
who I can call up anytime, talk and do stuff with. Life is rarely like that.
When something big happens during my day, I pick up the phone but
there is no phone number I can dial.
In the past, I have called 85 people in one day, every single number I
have in my possession. And not one person was willing to spend ten
minutes with me. A few days like that and now I don't even try. How
can I maintain a nice image of life? I have to adapt and stay alive.
After decades of people constantly coming and going, I start going through
the motions, doing all the things I'm "supposed" to, but not really expecting
anyone will ever be there. I may always live without human contact,
but I am male and I have to learn to be okay with it. The majority of men
I know have to face hostile isolation sooner or later, and just keep going.
(Click here for more info
I have to embrace all of life and move on, even if it's beyond human society.
No script-running is gonna make that situation feel any better.
Most people have a public face they put on, that helps them squeak by,
a funny little act that helps them function while deep down they may
have all kinds of feelings going on. (Think Robin Williams).
This is pretense, but it is conscious and everybody sees it.
It's a little white lie that helps us get through the day.
Like many people, I have a lot of pain but I still need to run errands,
talk with people, and get work done. So a slight air of pretense is in the
story ... some of the words and phrases were just too funny not to write!
But my stated reactions were honest and the facts remain true.
It is how I felt about the evening, stated in an ironic way.
Any sing-songy smoothness comes from the telling, not the actual event.
I think it was hilarious to be able to have such an evening, and moan
about shallow, sex-craved women, even though a relationship did develop.
At the same time, I am in horror that I live in such a society, that
I have to give people money before they're willing to talk with me.
Just "How are you? What's been going on? And how was that?"
It's tough to find the words that will express the loving, giving attention,
and also the horrible pains and difficulty that we all swim through.
Like a standup comedian, a little shtick helps to at least broach the topic.
Three ideas of "construct"... Maybe you can elaborate?
(Hope this isn't rambling and tedious, but I like sipping ideas across a few days).
I have a hunch that no rules can be applied to other people. But do you know any good examples we might borrow and adapt? Know anyone who has a truly healthy relationship?
"Where have you found good people and nice friends?"