@spendius,
How many amoebae does is take to change a lightbulb?
One. Two. Four. No, eight. Sixteen. STOP! STOP! FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP!
@wandeljw,
wandeljw wrote:
spendius wrote:
How do I know that if I told you the name of my pub farmerman wouldn't arrive bursting through the swing doors like Jack Palance in Shane?
Farmerman has a shed on his property in Pennsylvania. He has offered it to spendi if he ever needs a place to stay.
About that shed - one hole, or two?
@spendius,
spendius, Mame just wants to have a beer with you and introduce her future husband to you. She doesn't want to have a relationship with you - neither in
cyber, reality, or in outer space. So get a hold of yourself and your imagination.
@CalamityJane,
There's no way Spendi would meet up with me, CJ, and I know it, so I'm just teasing him. He probably thinks I'm going to swan in there in a diaphanous dress and languidly stroke his cheek or something. His heart would palpitate, his eyes would roll back in his head, sweat would bead on his brow...he'd be speechless.... and he'd never be able to live it down.
An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of whisky. He hands the bottle to the Irish man, whom exclaims,'' may the Irish and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Irish man then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Englishman, whom replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here!''
@Mame,
Hehe, I think you're so right, Mame
@CalamityJane,
Thank you CJ for such a bitterly funny joke and returning this thread back to its original jokey roots rather then the
We Love Spendi fan club thread!
@Mame,
Quote:His heart would palpitate, his eyes would roll back in his head, sweat would bead on his brow...he'd be speechless....
I wouldn't be speechless. I would say "Look after this Vic" as I passed my wallet over to his safe keeping.
@spendius,
LOL, Spendi. And then what?
Tsar - You, yes, you were bitterly funny. I'm going to write you into my story.
An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:
Dear Dad
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really
like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive
at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB
when all my teachers and many fellow students
travel by train.
Your son, Nasser
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail
from his dad:
My dear loving son
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred
to your account. Please stop embarrassing us.
Go and get yourself a train too.
Love, your Dad
@tsarstepan,
How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis... I mean stepmother... I mean STEPLADDER!
@edgarblythe,
Edgar, I've been outa touch...LOVE this one.
@aidan,
I've heard many versions of this joke...it has served many political leanings, so to speak
I am not so sure that this is a joke!
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ' Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I ' ve seen a man do in my whole life. '
The Harley rider replies, ' Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right. '
The reporter says, ' Well, I ' ll make sure this won ' t go unnoticed. I ' m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow ' s paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have? '
The biker replies, ' I ' m a U.S. Marine and a Republican. '
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“ U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
That sums up the media's approach to the news these days.
Two antennae got married. The wedding was okay. The reception was fantastic.
The Tomato family was walking down the street. The little tomato lagged behind.
Dad turned and said, "Catch up."
