209
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
JLNobody
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Apr, 2010 09:28 am
@dadpad,
Actually, my computer forgot it.
0 Replies
 
Kara
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Apr, 2010 09:53 am
Thank you all. I am official cheered up. Wink
lmur
 
  3  
Reply Fri 16 Apr, 2010 11:17 am
@Kara,
I rang granny last week to find out how grandpa was getting on in the old folks home (he had moved in just two weeks ago).

"You know," she said, "he's like a fish out of water."
"That's a shame." I said. "I'm sorry to hear he's not settling in."
It's not that," said granny, "he's dead."
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Apr, 2010 06:08 pm
Ira Wohl, “A Better Mouse Trap”
http://oldjewstellingjokes.com/post/470158849/ira-wohl-a-better-mouse-trap-ira-wohl-is-both
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Sun 18 Apr, 2010 06:34 am
@Kara,

A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a dog and a cat.

The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look: "That's a lovely fire engine," he says admiringly.

"Thanks," says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one to the cat's testicles.

"Little colleague," says the fire-fighter, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster."

The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:

"You're probably right... but then I wouldn't have a f*cking siren, would I?"

***
edgarblythe
 
  4  
Reply Sat 24 Apr, 2010 08:37 am


If you ever get the sudden URGE to run around naked,
You should sniff some Windex first..






It'll keep you from streaking.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Apr, 2010 08:44 am
@edgarblythe,
BRAVO EB!! ENCORE!! ENCORE!!
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Apr, 2010 08:45 am
@edgarblythe,
Terrible, edgar!
I love it! Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Kara
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Apr, 2010 09:09 am
@Region Philbis,
Too wonderfully baaaaad, RP
0 Replies
 
Kara
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Apr, 2010 09:11 am
@edgarblythe,
Oh. Groan. :O
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Apr, 2010 07:34 pm
@Kara,
http://castroller.com/podcasts/OldJewsTelling/1582381-Alan%20Templer,%20Smoking
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Apr, 2010 02:50 pm
@tsarstepan,
Quote:
Margaret Smith: Jewish Mom, Irish Catholic Dad

"I actually come from a mixed marriage. My mom's Jewish and my dad's Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside."/quote]
0 Replies
 
JLNobody
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Apr, 2010 05:10 pm
I too come from a mixed marriage: my father was a male, my mother wasn't.
Actually, I know precisely how and when I came into being. My mom was very hard-of -hearing. My father tells me that one night he asked her, in bed, if she wanted to go to sleep or what. She said "What?"
And I was conceived.
0 Replies
 
Kara
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Apr, 2010 06:50 am
@tsarstepan,
tsar, that is totally BAD....
0 Replies
 
Kara
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Apr, 2010 06:52 am
@Region Philbis,
RP, that's what we used to call a sick joke or a sickie.

One laughs, but discreetly Wink
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  3  
Reply Tue 27 Apr, 2010 09:03 am
Bill Maher once commented on being raised by a Catholic mother and Jewish father. He attended Catholic grammar school. He said that when going to Confession he would say, "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I believe you know my attorney, Mr. Shapiro."
Kara
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 May, 2010 05:57 am
@wandeljw,
jw, that's going in my Rare Jokes file...rare because I've never heard it before. VG
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Thu 6 May, 2010 08:25 am
A teenager walker into a drug store. After much hemming and hawing, he sheepishly told the druggist that he wanted a box of condoms. "That will be $5.00", the druggist said,"Plus tax."

"TACKS !!!" the boy exclaimed," Don't you have the kind that stay on by themselves?"
spendius
 
  2  
Reply Thu 6 May, 2010 03:15 pm
@Mame,
To which the druggist replied--"Tacks are overheads". (Geddit? Eh? Sheesh!!)
lmur
 
  4  
Reply Sat 8 May, 2010 08:24 pm
@spendius,
"Waiter! Waiter! There's volcanic ash in my soup."

"That's because it's a no-fly zone."
 

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