A lonely widow, age 76, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you....you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed?'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'
Why has the woman on Star Trek got brown hair?
Because William Shatner
Why did batmans sidekick get arrested?
because he was robin
How do you know when there are pokemon under your bed?
Because they pikachu.
How do you get 100 of them on a bus?
Pokemon.
@tsarstepan,
Forgive me. I just wanted to see who is so desperate for humor that he'd respond.
@Kara,
Peter Crouch, the England millionaire footballer who is 6ft 7 inches and about 11 stone, was asked what he thought he would have been had he not been a footballer.
"A virgin" he replied.
@spendius,
Now, that's pretty good, spendi. Good jokes don't belong here.
An elderly couple, in their 80's, went to a sex therapist's office and
asks the doctor to watch them have sex. The doc is so amazed at such an
elderly couple wanting sexual advise that he agrees. After watching
them, the doc says, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you
have sex." He charges them $50 and they go on their way. The couple
returns the next week and again asked the doc to watch them have sex.
After several weeks of this, the doc finally asked the couple what they
wanted him to find out. The old man replies, "we're not trying to find
out anything. I'm married, so we can't go to my house, she's married so
we can't go to her house. The Holiday Inn charges $98, the Hilton
charges $139. We do it here for $50 and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving
me only $7 to pay. & since you are a doctor, it's confidential!!
@spendius,
Uh. I think I get it but if I do, it's not very funny.
Is that the point of posting it here
@Victor Murphy,
I thought it was funny Vic.
(I thought it was a good one, too, Victor. But I'd heard it before and forgot to give you a thumbs up.)
At All Saints Lutheran Church in Minneapolis , Minnesota they have a weekly husbands' marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Pastor asked Ole Westrum, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
"Vell," Ole replied to the assembled husbands, "I've tried to treat her nice, spend da money on her, but best of all, I took her to Norvay for da 20th anniversary!"
The Pastor responded, "Ole, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your 50TH anniversary."
Ole proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go get her."
