@realjohnboy,
FJB, speakung of Dyslexia, he had a paranoid episode the other day, imagining that he was following someone.
@edgarblythe,
Army does flight instruction at Ft. Rucker, Alabama. When one instructor in the rear seat of the L-19 Birddog had trouble getting students to get onto the runway at the end of the first flight, he would pull out the rear, removeable control stick and toss it out the window. The student had to land, one way or another. The word got out, and a new student retrieved a rear stick from the salvage yard. The instructor tossed his stick out the window. So did the student. . . .
@roger,
Oh. I get it.
He he he hehehehehehehe Bye now.
A congressman was seated next to a little girl on a coast-to-coast flight when he turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that air travel goes by quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
'OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer
all eat the same stuff -- grass... Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse
produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The California legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know ****?"
***
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the
Arizona dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-10 toward Tucson, pushing
the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway
patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought,
'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the
Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked
at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off
with an Arizona State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'
'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the Trooper...
***
@edgarblythe,
edgar, that is blissfully bad
@Kara,
That's because I only know bad ones.
@roger,
Roger...great story. keeping this one...
@Kara,
But so true; I live in Arizona.
There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who "get" binary, and those who don't.
@JLNobody,
Yep, JLN. Doesn't qualify for this thread...
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN
LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN
CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES
WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE
BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE
CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY
FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE
TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
> Deaf Sex> >
Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they
> find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights
> out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several
> nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures
> out a solution.
> > > She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some
> simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me,
> reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to > have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times..
> > > The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife That
> if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one
> time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and
> fifty times.
@Rockhead,
These atheists take a lot of jacking off.
