Ahh good to see you LE I almost didnt recognise you. Is that a new haircut?
Yes, I went for the full Brazilian this time. Screamed a bit for a few days, but the skin has almost grown back now, and so I'm only experiencing the odd involuntary yelp, usually when I am trying to put on some pantyhose of the extra support variety.
I guess you had to be there...
<running up to LordE and giving him a gentle, platonic hug>
Good to see you.
A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.
littlek wrote:<running up to LordE and giving him a gentle, platonic hug>
<Ellpus googles "platonic", and is rather disappointed that no implements are involved>
Thanks, LK.
I've just got back from the bookshop, where they are having a massive sale. The big sign on the window read "30% OFF ALL TITLES", so I went in and purchased "The Lion, The witch and ".
If you purchased only 30% of that wook, LordE, you could only have gotten "The Lion."
Merry Andrew wrote:If you purchased only 30% of that wook, LordE, you could only have gotten "The Lion."
No, it was 30% OFF the title.
Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3...
A scientist had been working on an immortality formula. His research determined a substance extracted from the blood of immature seagulls of a species found only in a government-operated wildlife park greatly extends the lifespan of porpoises. Knowing he'd not be granted official permission to raid the birds' nests, he decided to sneak into the park during the dark of night, driving without headlights. He gathered up a few specimens, and stealithy attempted his escape, only to run over a pair of sleeping lions. He was arrested, charged, and found guilty of transporting young gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises.
Lord Ellpus wrote:Merry Andrew wrote:If you purchased only 30% of that wook, LordE, you could only have gotten "The Lion."
No, it was 30% OFF the title.
Oh, right. But that's not what you said in your first post. P.S. No, I don't know what a wook is either. so don't ask. Wok, yes, wook, no.
Larry the Lobster and Sam Crab were some fantastic musicians on the disco circuit. They jammed for many years till one night, after a gig and a few beers, they stepped out of a club and were run down and killed by a Mack truck. Larry the Lobster goes to heaven and Sam Crab goes to hell.
One day Larry says to St. Peter, "I sure miss my old buddy Sam, I hear he has his own disco down there. Do you think I could go visit him and jam some, just one more time?" St. Peter says, "I think you can have a one time, one-evening pass to Hell to jam with Sam Crab."
Larry is elated and asks St. Peter for an instrument. "All we have in Heaven are harps," he says. Larry the Lobster shrugs and says, "That will just have to do!"
So Larry goes off to hell and has a fantastic time. He and Sam jam all night, just like the old days. When he comes back and sees St. Peter, he thanks him profusely for the pass. But St. Peter just looks at Larry funny and asks him, "Aren't you forgetting something?" Larry thinks for a second, then smacks his forehead and says ...
"I left my harp in Sam Crab's Disco."
You're really trying, hingehead.
You're very trying!
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his
glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent
over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye
staring right back at him.
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door.......
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing
in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning."
He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunken guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help
him?" she asked. "No, I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and
it is pouring rain outside!"
His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke
down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you
should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told (of course), gets dressed and goes out into
the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello? Are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the darkness.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!!" replies the drunk.
But Tai - that's a good joke!
A bit like the guy who brings home a date after a big night out and she notices a massive gong hanging in the hall way and asks 'What's that?'
The guy says it's a talking clock. She wants to know how it works.
So the guy grabs the hammer next to it and starts laying into the gong. Suddenly a voice can be heard yelling 'HEY, ASSSHOLE, IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING!!!'
Skeleton walks into a bar sits down and says 'give me a beer and a mop'.
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom and finds his father putting on a rubber ... dad what are you doing he asks? Oh, um, er I'm going mouse hunting .... Johnny replies ' welll what are you going to do if you catch one, f*ck him?
Gelisgesti wrote:Skeleton walks into a bar sits down and says 'give me a beer and a mop'.
That's a good one too! Or do I just have issues?
Oh Walter, that's bad. Henny Youngman lives.
Jesus walks into a hotel, throws three nails on the bar and says 'Can you put me up for the night?'
