Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

What's the handiest tree?
A palm tree!

Boom Boom!

I put it this way, it's like the lady that doesn't need a watch because there's a clock on the stove. Same joke, different words.

A fisherman's wife gave birth to twin boys, but the couple couldn't
think up any names. So, they decided to wait a few days before naming them.

They soon noticed that one always looked towards the sea. The other looked away from the sea. It didn't matter where they were. The parents named their boys Towards and Away.

When the boys reached 14, their father took them to sea to learn to fish. The trip was supposed to be short. But the fisherman's wife waited a week before her husband returned, alone.

When she asked where the boys were, the fisherman told her the
following strange story.

Towards snagged a large fish early on the first day. He struggled with the fish for nearly 25 hours. Eventually, though, he tired and the fish pulled him over the side of the ship and devoured him.

"Oh, my," said the fisherman's wife. "That must have been a huge
fish!"

"Indeed it was," replied her husband, "but you should have seen the one that got Away."

<<<GROAN>>>

If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Presumably that's a take on "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl"?

Yep.
Towards & Away reminded me of Juan & Amahl.
Juan & Amahl reminde me of this one.
I heard it from a pun-crazed friend yesterday.

(hopefully pun-crazed friend is not also a co-worker...)

Nope.
Teaches "maths" in Western Australia.

Bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there,' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:

'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back....



Tiger

tsar, if you don't get that joke, you are one majorly liberated man....god bless you. Or the Great Toaster bless you...

:-)

However, if Tu are not Juan of Amahl, the fact that Juan has seen Amahl doesn't necessarily mean that Juan has seen Tu. (That is, Juan seeing Amahl and raising Tu would not be a sound wager.)

Or vice versa.

Nice to see you around Mr D.

A seal walks into a club.

Well, thanks, Robert. Good to see you, too.

G'day Mr D...wonderful to see you alive and kicking (or something!)

Debbickle sighting!!!!

Now, Imur, that reminds me of the one about the Mexican fireman who was his wife when she had twins. He named the first one Jose. Of course, the second one was called HoseB.