@CalamityJane,
That was out the other side of "bad" Cal. It was dire. Awful even.
@spendius,
I know that's why I liked it so much!
@CalamityJane,
God will get you for that, c.j.
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, . . . .. . "The egg timer's broken."
What sort of images come to mind when you think of America? Hollywood, maybe. Mom's apple pie. The Founding Fathers. Dixie.
And there's fashion of course. Wrangler jeans. Levis 501's. Cotton frocks on southern ladies.
When A2K'S own Miss Letty and Roberta founded their fashion house, little did they realise that one of their creations would become a defining symbol of their Land. Yes folks, give it up for the Letty-Boida Dress.
@lmur,
That took me quite a while.
I kept Lincoln it to other possible things.
@JLNobody,
That woman is my neighbor. I've always wondered....
@JLNobody,
JL, I was still chuckling over your discharged mental hospital woman when you posted this "quickie." You are going from strength to strength. So to speak.
@Kara,
I don't get it either. Tried saying it out loud and everything. Makes no sense . . to me.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
The Gettysburg address???
Is THAT it?
@Merry Andrew,
What I thought too, but I'm not sure..
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says "Does this taste funny to you?"
Two mountains experienced an earthquake. One says "It's not my fault."
@realjohnboy,
Why did the prune go out with the raisin?
Because it couldn't get a date.
@realjohnboy,
....and Priscilla was going out with a geologist which was a good thing,
considering shes got plenty of faults.
@CalamityJane,
Why can't ghosts have children? Because the guy has a hollow weeny.
I don't know if these belong in "jokes", but they are sadly, hilarious!
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two."
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What are blind people doing driving?!" She is a probation officer.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We were having a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker, as she was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side. This was at the Ford dealership.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When I left Hawaii and was transferred to Florida , I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii. I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii-
San Francisco Bridge." He nodded his head and said "Cool!"
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they vote, AND they reproduce.
