@Kara,
apparently that was the nickname mary tyler moore gave to "DVD" when they did that sitcom together...
@Region Philbis,
That story was so funny that I read it aloud to my family. It was well received.
Two brooms married each other. On their wedding night, BrideBroom had some big news for GroomBroom. "We're going to have a little WhiskBroom!" she announced. "How can that be?" GroomBroom wondered. "We haven't swept together."
@Eva,
Eva, that is awful...just really awful. :-))
Thank you! It has been a loooooong time since I've heard one bad enough to post on this thread. This one had me groaning for days.
@Eva,
Oh Eva, you swept me off my feet.
That's it. Close down the thread. Eva wins the kewpie doll or whatever the hell the prize was to be. That might just be the worst joke I've heard in several years.
Congratulations, Eva. That is really baaaad.
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'I'm sure that must have embarrassed you so let me pay for your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwords they go to the theater followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he listens, he shares his and she listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place
for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They have a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed and totally impressed. Everything had been SO incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? '
'No,' she replies. . . .
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
***
@Region Philbis,
There's a much raunchier version of that joke available to the truly depraved, but I won't tell it here.
@Merry Andrew,
that, my friend, is what PM's are for...
@Merry Andrew,
AMISH humor.
AMISHMAN: How many lawyers does it take to lube a combine?
ME: I dont know
AMISHMAN: ONE, but you have to chop im up really fine.
@Region Philbis,
I hope Andy isn't going to tell you the version I know RP.
@spendius,
I just did. I'm sure it's the same one, Spendi. We both have the same kind of dirty minds. But I'll keep an eye out for ya.
@farmerman,
You've heard, of course, of the married Amish woman who also had a lover. She loved two menonite.
. . . and, of course:
What goes "clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop BANG! BANG! BANG! clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop"?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
Oh we're with the Amish:
An Amish lady is trotting down the road with her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."
"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?"
"He said the reflector is broken."
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"
"I'm not sure, Jacob ... something about the emergency brake..."
@CalamityJane,
I would advise you Cal not to tell that in any company which contains a psychiatrist.
