Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

oh lmur, that is terrible!

Yup. I think that's the prize-winner for bad jokes, all right.

It would be the most pathetic joke ever!

comedic writer bennet cerf, published a book years ago dedicated to atrocious puns, the seagull/lion joke i posted earlier was from that book, when i have more time i'll post a few more

A priest, a rabbi, and a blonde with huge knockers walk into a bar.

The barkeep says "What, is this some kind of joke?"

Here's one that could possibly be worse!

We do not worry about eating fish from polluted waters. We go fishing on a cold day, take the fish home and hang them by the head from a clothesline, let the mercury drop to the tail, cut off the tail, and eat the rest of the fish.


Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d!


That was on the internet, believe it or not.

Two blondes are walking through the woods when they come upon a set of tracks. "Look, deer tracks!" says the first. "No, those are moose tracks!" responds the second.

They were still standing there arguing when the train hit them.

LOL!!

Believe it or not, cjhsa, I have actually told that lame old joke several times and was not attacked by angry mobs even once. Curious, that.

a group of intrepid space explorers landed on a strange planet, inhabited by little hairy creatures who reffered to themselves as furries, they approached a group of them and asked if they could meet their leader, they were immediatley whisked away to a nearby castle, for an audience with the queen

they gathered in the great hall and amidst much fanfare in walked a host of furries, and in the middle of the them the most beautiful furry they had yet laid eyes on, she was exquisite, except for one small thing, she had a hypodermic needle growing out of the top of her head, the crew were puzzled, but the captain, brightened and remarked, that must be the queen there, the pretty little furry with the syringe on top

Every morning the Trids got up, ate breakfast, and marched over the bridge to Tridville to work. One morning, a troll moved in under the bridge. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge, the troll climbed up and kicked the Trids all the way back to their homes. The Trids decided to take the day off in hopes that the troll would go away, but the next morning the troll once again climbed up onto the bridge and kicked them back to their homes. In desperation, the Trids decided to ask the Rabbi for help. So the next morning the Rabbi walked across the bridge several times but never saw the troll. He went home believing the troll had indeed moved on. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge afterward, the troll climbed up again and kicked the Trids back home. The Rabbi returned to the bridge and called out for the troll. When the troll appeared, the Rabbi asked why he was allowed to cross the bridge but not the Trids. The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids

A frog goes into a bank and hops over to the loan officer's desk. He jumps up onto the chair and says to the officer, "Hi, what is your name?" The officer says, "You can call me Mr. Padewak. What can I do for you?" The frog replies, "I want a loan." "OK," says Mr.Padewak, "let's fill out a loan application. What is your name?" "Kermit," the frog says, "Kermit Jagger." "Oh, any relation to Mick Jagger?" Padewak asks. "Yeah, he's my Dad!" answers the frog. "Wow," says Padewak. "Do you have any collateral?" "Yes, I do," and the frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a big, bright pink, ceramic elephant. He places it on the desk in front of Padewak. Padewak scratches his head and says, "Excuse me for a moment." He then walks into the bank manager's office with the loan application and the elephant in hand. Padewak says, "Uh, sir, there is this frog out there who wants a loan." He hands the manager the application. "He brought this, this...uh, well, I don't know what it is, for collateral!" He puts the shiny pink elephant on the manager's desk. "What should I do?" The bank manager stands up and shouts, "It's a knick-knack, Padewak, give the frog a loan!! His old man's a Rolling Stone!!!!!

I do believe djjd62 is a serious contender here. Those are two of the worst I've ever been subjected to.

There was this troupe of dancers that traveled around the country
dancing in clubs and theaters. They were called the Steppers.

At one club, the Steppers did such a good job of pulling in patrons
that the management gave them all the drinks they could drink after
the show.

Well, they all got plastered and were having a big party. When it
came time to get on their bus to travel to the next town, they did
not want to stop partying, so they just moved the party to the bus.
As they rode down the highway, you could here their yelling, singing,
and laughing for miles.

At a house along that very highway, there lived a family that had a
pet snake. It was a viper, and it's name was Peter.

That night, Peter Viper was asleep in his snake house in the back yard.
Suddenly, he was awakened by a loud racket. It was the bus carrying
the Steppers still having their party.

But Peter didn't know that. In his confusion, he thought he was back
in deep dark Africa being pursued by Pygmies. He slithered out of his
snake house, headed across the yard as fast as he could, and crossed
the highway just in front of the bus.

The bus driver, who was a little sleepy, saw Peter Viper in the
road, and mistook him for a giant log. He swerved, and the bus landed
in the ditch, drunk Steppers lying everywhere.

The next day, the headline in the paper read

"Peter Viper wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers."

It's great, isn't it? LOL (And I agree with you!)

what?

I believe it's a spoof of "Silly Wabbit, Trix are for kids" - the cereal...

Merry Andrew was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.


Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. Merry, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realize there's nobody behind the wheel.

The car started slowly. Merry looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel.
Merry, paralyzed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. Finally, Merry couldn't take it any longer and he jumped from the car and hit the ground rolling. Wet and in shock, he staggered through the pouring rain until the lights of a tavern beckoned him inside. He ordered two double shots of whiskey and slammed them down.

He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the same tavern, wet and out of breath. One of them spots Merry sitting at the bar and says to the other, "Look, Gus, there's the idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it."

Two old guys at an old folks home shooting the breeze. One says "How's the memory?" The other says "Perfect, touch wood", and raps his knuckles on the table. Two minutes go by, and then he says "Somebody gonna get the door or what?"~

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex." The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says "sex". Next the doctor draws a circle, which the man again identifies as sex. Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which of course the patient identifies as "sex". The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I do believe t hat you have an obsession with sex." To which the man replies, "I'm not the one with the obsession! YOU'RE the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"


Come on! That's a real groaner!