Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Ha ha ha ...

dang...that were a good one rocky

well I'll be dipped in doody...good one Bruce

I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'

Mac went to the tailors to treat himself to a suit. His wife came with him. After being meausured, the tailor asked, "What size fly do you want? Six, eight or 10 inches"? Mac replied, "I'll have the 10-inch one". His wife pipped up, "You're like our neighbour. He opens both garage doors and he's only got a bicycle."

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.


The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.


The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediatel y he turned ninety!!!


Gottta love that fairy!

Edgar, that cartoon reminds me of a joke

<going off to look for it...>

Well hurry up and find it.

tap....tap...tap

We're waiting

Edgar and Panzade,

I'll throw myself on your mercy (but I'm not expecting much of it from such impatient souls ;-)

The story was about two men and a blonde, all of whom were captured or apprehended and sentenced to die by electrocution. The hot-seat failed to dispatch the first man and he was let go free, since he'd apparently been exonerated by the gods. The second man assumed the position and the same thing happened...so he was freed as well.

Up steps the blonde to meet her fate but she couldn't resist a last remark (blonde engineering majors are known for this,) something along the lines of...."you won't electrocute me either unless you link the positive and negative terminals of that device. "

Ha ha ha ...

The way I heard that one, Kara, was actually about the guillotine, same as Edgar's. Here goes nothin':

During the French revolution, three men had been condemned to be executed on the same day -- a priest, a lawyer and an engineer. The priest, asked if he had any last requests, asked that he be allowed to place his neck in the block in such a way that he was looking up at God's heaven, not down into the tumbril. The request was granted. The priest lay himself down on the cataflaque, face up, and awaited his fate. The executioner pushed the button (or did whatevert the hell you do to start that vicious blade descending) and the blade came whizzing down. But it stopped suddenly, just inches short of the holy father's neck. Calling it an obvious miracle, the authorities released the holy man.

The lawyer was scheduled to go next. Being no fool, he made the same request as the priest had, hoping for the same rsult. He got his wish. The blade came swishing down but never reached the man's exposed throat.

Well, you know the rest. The engineer made the same request, lay down, looking up at the contraption which had failed to kill his two mates. And, looking up, he suddenly stayed the executioner's hand with the words, "Say, hold up. I think I see what the problem is."

I love it, MA...the understated, "I think I see the problem..."

Most jokes seem to be replays of their earlier forms.

Which in turn reminds me of this:

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."

The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."

The programmer said "I think your both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

gotta love programmers

I'm enjoying this thread. Thanks, everybody.

How do you know it's a service engineer fixing a flat? He's the one that changes each tire in turn to see which one fixes the problem.

How do you know it's a service engineer out of gas on the side of the road? He's the one that changes each tire in turn to see which one fixes the problem.

We tell a similar version of this one, but there are three computer experts.

The car has a flat tire.

Computer Salesman says, "Let's buy a whole new set of tires."
Hardware Engineer says, "Wait, let's rotate the tires and see if that fixes it."
Software Engineer says, "Nah, just keep driving. It may not happen again."

Oh lord does this mean where entering a geek phase in this thread?

Remember the oldies?

How many Microsoft salesman does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just define darkness as the new industry standard.