@dadpad,
Great stuff, dadpad. And where, I wonder, is Switzerland in all this?
thanks folks I'll be here all week.
I was walking down the street the other day when i saw an Afgahan bloke on the 5th floor balcony shaking the crap out of a carpet.
I shouted up to him Whats up abdul, won't it start?
@panzade,
ask and ye shall recieve.
When i got divorced my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch!
@dadpad,
nooo...I meant next comic
just kidding....keep em comin
I knew what you meant. I try to ignore Hecklers in the back row.
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen
the embarrassed mother try's to spare her young sons innocence by saying "don't worry it was only a flying insect"
to which the son replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that."
Sunday morning on a municipal golfcourse, a ladies foursome is driving off the first tee. One of the group - a rather stout gal - lets fly a wicked hook over the trees and into the next fairway. Within seconds they hear a loud squawk, followed by some profound cursing. They trot over and peek through the trees and spot a guy down and groveling about in the middle of the fairway.
Immediately they go galluping to assist the poor fellow who is rolling about moaning with his hands clutching his crotch. "Oh, my dear man, I'm so sorry," says the hooker.
"Here, get outta the way, Bertha" says Margie. "I can take care of this."
So Marge knelt down next to the guy and told him that, being a physical therapist, she knew exactly what to do. She then moved his hands away from his crotch, ran her own hand inside the front of his trousers and began a slow, methodical massage. Gradually the guy calmed a bit and became less agitated. After several minutes, Marge asked, "There now, mister, doesn't that feel better?"
"Uh ... yeah, I guess so" the guy weakly replied. "But my thumb still hurts like hell!"
@panzade,
Yep. A. and I used to stream episodes online and watch them after dinner or the like. Only seen a couple of episode since, but it's hilarious stuff.
@dadpad,
yeah - two more funny ones.
@dadpad,
lol NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUCH AN ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!this is joke is funny: There was a guy going to a party driving in his car. Then he had to crap halfway there. So he went off the freeway and went to an abandoned gas station. HE went poop and a sign said there was no toilet paper and to wipe his butt with his 2 fingers and wipe it in the toilet with no pipes. So he does that at when hes gonna wipe his crap on the ground a guy with 2 bricks smashes his fingers with the poop. Then the guy licks the 2 fingers. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A man was sitting on the couch watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.
“What would you like for dinner Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb ?”
He said, “Thanks dear, I’ll have chicken.”
“Shut up! You’re having soup... I was talking to the cat.”
***
best frriend test to determine who is you best friend.
Place your wife and your dog in a car lock the doors and leave for 1 hours.
When you return who is pleased to see you?
A guy and his chicken go to the theater. He walks up to the ticket agent and asks for 2 tickets. The agent looks at the guy and asks who the second ticket is for.
"My pet chicken." the man replies.
"I'm sorry sir, we do not allow livestock in the theater."
Disappointed, the man goes around the corner and picks up the chicken and proceeds to stuff the chicken down his pants. He then goes back and orders a single ticket.
After sitting down in the theater, the chicken starts to get a bit restless, so the man reaches down and unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and get some fresh air.
A woman sitting next to him leans over to her friend and whispers "Oh my god, the man sitting next to me just unzipped his pants!"
"Eh," says her friend, "If you've seen one, you've seen them all."
"Yes, but this one is eating my popcorn!"
A cowboy and his wife had just gotten married and had found a little hotel for their honeymoon.
The cowboy approached the front desk and asked the clerk for a room…..'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.
The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?'
The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied, Nope, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it.'
