Francis wrote:Sglass wrote:Francis that is a most precious joke. Now may I have my raincoat back.
Well, ok, but I thought you were a friend, Sglass.
I was expecting to use your raincoat for the few next
exhibitions.
Take it, I'll ask some other better friend, like Kicky.
Oh my in that case keep it. Mine is longer, you'll need it.
Hi.. handsome raincoat....er :wink: I almost wished the raincoater would whip open his raincoat as in the joke! :wink:
U might as well give back the raincoat if ur bound to carry an unmbrella with it!!
verbivore wrote:Hi.. handsome raincoat....er :wink: I almost wished the raincoater would whip open his raincoat as in the joke! :wink:
U might as well give back the raincoat if ur bound to carry an unmbrella with it!!
Francis, do you care to accomodate the young lady? You know Kicky would love it.
Those upstate New York Italians, wowser.
Quote:Francis, do you care to accomodate the young lady? You know Kicky would love it.
Those upstate New York Italians, wowser.
wat makes you think its a lady ....esp "young lady" :wink:
and wat was that all abt italian?
You would like Kicky,
old lady!
He is our resident Dom Juan! (Dom Giovanni Casanova..)
A friend who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 5-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. Just he and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl
anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?"
"Oh yes, PaPa" the little girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shithead anywhere we went today!"
Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it.
There are more Catholic churches in Las Vegas than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting, and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.
THE COP AND THE LITTLE GIRL.
A cop was on his horse
waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped
beside him.
Nice bike,' the cop
said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little
girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike
over and handed the girl a $5 ticket
for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Next
year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on
the back of it!'
The young girl looked
up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse
you've got there Sir.
Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the
girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked
up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top .
Guy goes to the doctor with an embarrassing problem.
'Doc, every time I fart, it comes out sounding like HONDA.'
Without any further ado, the doctor tells the guy he has an abcess.
'An abcess? How do you figure that?'
'It's easy ... abcess makes the fart go Honda.'
Not bad, Dutchy. Not bad at all.
Hey, you know the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
That's second hand, from Wilso.
A man appears before the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks, "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?"
"Well, I can think of one thing," he says. "Once I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I walked up to the largest, most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped his nose ring out and told him to leave her alone or he'd answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"A couple of minutes ago."
what would you find at the bottom of a bass pond?
bass turds
What's in a name?
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) is not just an athlete...she is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo, I.C.U.
Subject: THE HALF-WIT
A man owned a small farm in Wisconsin. The Wisconsin State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.
Subject: PATRIOT DUTY
The federal government is sending each of us a $600-$1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Middle East.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and
Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
None of this will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on beer,
since this is the only product still being produced in the US.
Please try to do your part. You know I'll do mine.
I thank you for your patriotism.
edgarblythe wrote:Subject: THE HALF-WIT
A man owned a small farm in Wisconsin. The Wisconsin State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.
Love this, Edgar. Thanks for the laugh. I needed one.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight,' the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.
Mexican Ghost Town
This took place in a little town in New Mexico. It's absolutely true, even though it may sound like an Alfred Hitchcock tale.
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark and stormy night. The night was cold, wet, and no cars went by. The storm grew so strong that he could barely see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door, and only then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel! The car started going again, very slowly. The guy looked ahead at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he began praying and begging for his life. Just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched helplessly as the hand appeared each time the car approached a curve. Gathering his strength, he got out of the car and ran all the way to the nearest town.
Wet and in shock, he entered a cantina, asked for two shots of tequila, and began telling everybody about his horrible experience. A silence enveloped everyone when they realized the guy was crying hysterically and wasn't drunk.
About a half an hour later, two other guys walk into the same cantina and one said to the other, "Mira Vato. That's the Pendejo that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
