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Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

NSFW Forums: Humor, Jokes, Bad Jokes, Camp, Humour
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jun, 2008 04:43 pm
Mame wrote:
dlowan wrote:
DrewDad wrote:
dlowan wrote:
I am speechless.

A miracle!



May the reptile of rage gnaw upon thy guts.


Or maybe you mean "nuts"...


May the lizard of lust lunch on thy loins.
0 Replies
 
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jun, 2008 05:09 pm
dlowan wrote:
May the lizard of lust lunch on thy loins.

Again?!
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jun, 2008 05:44 pm
nimh wrote:
dlowan wrote:
May the lizard of lust lunch on thy loins.

Again?!


This time he eats and swallows until the loins are gone.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jun, 2008 09:25 pm
Purr-loined!
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jun, 2008 11:54 pm
DrewDad wrote:
Purr-loined!



Ain't no hummer, your loins'll be chum, chum!
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2008 07:30 am
Chum, chum, chum-chum siree!
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2008 07:34 am
DrewDad wrote:
Chum, chum, chum-chum siree!




Ooooooohhh! A chimney sweep!!!!




I know an absolutely terrible joke, but I hardly dare post it.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2008 07:53 am
Nothing could be worse than my execrable pun.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2008 08:01 am
DrewDad wrote:
Nothing could be worse than my execrable pun.


Heavens...I have made far worse puns before my first coffee of the day!
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2008 08:04 am
dlowan wrote:
DrewDad wrote:
Nothing could be worse than my execrable pun.


Heavens...I have made far worse puns before my first coffee of the day!

Don't make me throw down on you.
0 Replies
 
devriesj
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2008 06:36 pm
I hate to get in the way of your raucous banter, but I just remembered some REALY bad jokes! We are "un-offendable" types, right?

Okay, here goes; some really bad 'amputee' jokes:

What do you call a girl with one leg? ... Irene
Her Asian counterpart? ... Ilene!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...
in front of the door ... Matt
on the wall .. Art
behind a boat ... Skip
floating in the water ... Bob
I'm sure there's plenty more where those came from! Rolling Eyes
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2008 09:13 pm
Ragman wrote:
edgarblythe wrote:
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Lizards lay eggs!



Edgar...brilliant...that one slayed me!


Now that everyone has had their say, I must point out, I did not write that piece. It's an email copy and paste. Don't want more than my due.
0 Replies
 
devriesj
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jun, 2008 10:21 am
It's still hilarious, Edgar. Thanks for posting it!
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jun, 2008 03:22 pm
DrewDad wrote:
dlowan wrote:
DrewDad wrote:
Nothing could be worse than my execrable pun.


Heavens...I have made far worse puns before my first coffee of the day!

Don't make me throw down on you.




Good grief.
0 Replies
 
JLNobody
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jun, 2008 04:06 pm
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a
little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the
sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her
dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.' That sure
is a nice fire truck,' the fire fighter says with admiration.

'Thanks' the girl says. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices
the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little Partner', the fire fighter says, 'I don't want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too I
think you could go faster.

'The little girl replies thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't
have a siren.'
0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jun, 2008 09:55 am
A lady goes to an opening at a fashionable art gallery.

As the show is unveiled, it's just the artist, standing in the corner of an empty gallery, under a spotlight, naked.

The crowd applauds and shouts its approval.

"The artist has become the object of his art."

"He's reached a new level of abstraction and minimalism."

"The art event of the year."

"Truly cutting edge art."

And so forth.

As the lady leaves the gallery, a man in a raincoat approaches her. Suddenly, he whips open his raincoat.

"Omigod," she cries, "another artist!
0 Replies
 
JLNobody
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jun, 2008 01:56 pm
Francis, that may be too good for this thread, but it's a great critique of much of contemporary art.
It also reminds me of the flasher who on a very cold Februrary night approached my wife as she exited a market and said with chattering teeth "May I just describe myself to you?"
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jun, 2008 01:59 pm
Ok, we're getting too deep here.

Back to slapstick if you please.
0 Replies
 
Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jun, 2008 09:51 am
Francis wrote:
A lady goes to an opening at a fashionable art gallery.

As the show is unveiled, it's just the artist, standing in the corner of an empty gallery, under a spotlight, naked.

The crowd applauds and shouts its approval.

"The artist has become the object of his art."

"He's reached a new level of abstraction and minimalism."

"The art event of the year."

"Truly cutting edge art."

And so forth.

As the lady leaves the gallery, a man in a raincoat approaches her. Suddenly, he whips open his raincoat.

"Omigod," she cries, "another artist!


Francis that is a most precious joke. Now may I have my raincoat back.
0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jun, 2008 11:05 am
Sglass wrote:
Francis that is a most precious joke. Now may I have my raincoat back.


Well, ok, but I thought you were a friend, Sglass.

I was expecting to use your raincoat for the few next exhibitions.

Take it, I'll ask some other better friend, like Kicky.

http://pagesperso-orange.fr/gismonda/raincoat.jpg
0 Replies
 
 

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