Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or Twist?"
There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door.
As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a small tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. And the smell... oh, the glorious smell!
"Look Pepe," says the first man. "It's a bacon tree!"
"You're right!" says Pepe, "We're saved!"
Pepe doesn't wait another second. He runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But just as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe.
"Pepe!! Pepe!! What on earth happened?"
And with his last dying breath Pepe calls back: "Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree after all... its a ham bush!"
***
lmao - that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad, RP!! LOL
a young man was called to the remote estate of a reclusive relative, upon arrival he was escorted to the back yard, down a narrow path towards a pool, in the pool were to large dolphin like animals
these fish, the old man related, have been in the family for many years, as far as we know they will live forever, as long as they are fed seagull chicks, i am an old man and will soon die, this house and these fish will now be your responsibility, and sure enough within a few days the man was dead
the young man had little problem carrying out his duties, everyday he travelled to a nearby beach, gathered up a few gull chicks and brought them back to the house, one day however, as he was returning he encountered to sleeping lions blocking the narrow path to the pool, he stood there for some time and when he felt certain the beasts would not awaken he quietly stepped over them and proceeded on his way, just then two FBI agents, grabbed him, cuffed him and led him off to court
the charge
transporting young gulls across staid lions for immortal porpoises
I take back what I said a few pages ago. realjohnboy forfeits the crown to djjd62. That is absolutely the worst joke I have ever heard!!!
Meanwhile, I still don't know how many Goths or Oregonians it takes to...etc.
The answer to the Goths one is NONE because they all like it black. But you're right about the last joke - that was a real groaner! lol
Oregonians: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar together.
And the bartender says, "Is this a joke?"
Okay, then. How many computer programmers does it take?
None. It's a hardware problem.
How many real programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Gad! You're right on the ball on these lightbulb jokes, CJ, aren't you?
cj thers a whole thread on "ligtbulb joke somewhere.
I think CJ is on her way to Hawaii right at this moment (or maybe already there). Therefore --
How many Hawaiians does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, Merry ... how many?
How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?
Mame wrote:I don't know, Merry ... how many?
How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be silly, Mame. They don't have electric lights in grass huts.
three elderly women were sitting on a park bench when they were approached by a flasher
two of the women had a stroke, but the third was too far away to reach
Btw, how many grad students does[/i] it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but five years to do the dissertation
How many balls of yarn would it take to reach the moon?
