@Wilso,
I think you'd die before you got that far.
My wife gave me a present of a ride in a hot air balloon for my birthday. It was brilliant but the balloonist insisted we kept our legs hanging over the side as you shouldn’t keep all your legs in one basket.
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"
She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."
Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.
“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
Do you know the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Q. How many historians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. There is a great deal of debate on this issue. Up until the mid-20th century, the accepted answer was 'one': and this Whiggish narrative underpinned a number of works that celebrated electrification and the march of progress in light-bulb changing.
Beginning in the 1960's, however, social historians increasingly rejected the 'Great Man' school, and produced revisionist narratives that stressed the contributions of research assistants and custodial staff. This new consensus was challenged, in turn, by women's historians who criticized the social interpretation for marginalizing women, and who argued that light bulbs are actually changed by department secretaries. Sing the 1980's however, post-modernist scholars have deconstructed what they characterize as a repressive hegemonic discourse of light bulb changing, with its implicit binary opposition between 'light' and 'darkness', and its phallogocentric privileging of the bulb over the socket, which they see as colonialist, sexist, and racist. Finally, a new generation of neo-conservative historians have concluded that the light never needed changing in the first place, and have praised political leaders like Reagan and Thatcher for bringing back the old bulb. Clearly, much additional research remains to be done.....
@Wilso,
Quote:........historians have concluded that the light never needed changing in the first place, and have praised political leaders like Reagan and Thatcher for bringing back the old bulb.......
Historically, Reagan and Thatcher were proponents and supporters of the Milton Friedman's economic theory of "trickle-down" economics, which Friedman himself eventually admitted to being a complete failure.
@Builder,
They're all called Milton, him and Milton Keynes.
Apologies if you've seen this one already.
Did you hear about the dyslexic English professor? She suffered a Yeats infection..
Who is Warren Peace and why is there a book about him?
Coconuts are mammals because they have fur and produce milk. Discuss.
@edgarblythe,
They also have three holes for two fingers and a thumb; so, I guess they are also bowling balls?
My wife is an economist and I am an engineer. I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?” Well don’t you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast…
now I do it in 5.
From Facebook:
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Mexican:
1. He treated his mama like she was a saint.
2. He always wore llantas and a serape.
3. He was a carpenter who could fix anything.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
On a flight to L.A., Marjorie Taylor Green left her seat in coach and went to sit in first class. When the flight attendant told her she has to return to her seat, MTG said "I'm a Congresswoman, I'm a patriot, and I'm staying right here until we reach L.A."
The flight attendant talked to the flight crew, so the co-pilot went back and told MTG she needed to go back to her seat. MTG said "I'm a Congresswoman, I'm a patriot, and I'm staying right here until we reach L.A."
The co-pilot reported failure to the pilot, who said "I can handle this. My dad's a MAGA". So the pilot went and whispered something to MTG, who said "Oh, okay" and returned to her seat in coach.
The co-pilot asked the pilot "What did you say?". The pilot replied "I told her first-class wasn't going to L.A.".
After her first flight, the baby mosquito says enthusiastically to her mother: "Mum, mum, did you see?
They were all clapping for me."
