Peru scientist have discovered that their owls hunt in pairs......
.
They're Inca hoots
My lovely wife has stood by me for over 30 years...
About time I bought her a chair
Just remember.......
I run a tight shipwreck
I'm in the ER.
I don't want to bore you with details, but the "Dyson ball cleaner" is a dangerously misleading name.
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night.
"Daddy", she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.
"Guess how old I'm going to be next month."
"I don't know, beauty", I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
@Wilso,
I almost wish I hadn't understood that one.
Just got back from the doctors.....
he said don't eat anything fatty......
I said like burgers???
He said......no fatty, don't eat anything
I accidentally used the dog's shampoo today and now I feel like such a good boy…..
BREAKING NEWS:
Sting has been kidnapped.
The Police have no lead.
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
Apparently, this is from the Washington Post. Alternate meanings.
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), gross olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulance (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
12. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
13. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
14. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
