Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

I was telling a woman about my ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling her breasts.
"Really?" she said. "Go on then. Try."

After 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded. "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.

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Right I'm off to grow some facial hair... Must dash!

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My poor knowledge of Greek Mythology.....

Has always been my Achilles Elbow

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Someone asked me what I want my tombstone to say.

“Told ya I was f@cking sick”.

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@Wilso,

Spike Milligan wanted his to read "I told them I was ill," but was refused permission.

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@Wilso,

I love your bad jokes. I think that this one is so exceptionally bad, that I am laughing my ass off!

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The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice a cranberry juice and some lemonade with a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a punch...

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My wife said angrily, "You only ever want sex when you're drunk." "That's not true," I replied. "Sometimes I want a kebab!"

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You wanna hear a joke in Chinese? 开玩笑

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"Poor old fool,"the wealthy gentleman thought as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he took the old man inside for a drink. Sipping their whiskys, the gentleman asked the old man, "So how many have you caught today?" The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

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A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.

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The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella.

But he hesitated.

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A young family was following closely behind a garbage truck when a large black dildo fell out, and bounced off the road, smacking into the windscreen of their car.

The young mother, although flustered, said it was a big flying insect, or something.

Little Johnny said; "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock that big. "

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@Builder,

Same Joke undoubtedly untrue, about Lorena Bobbit, who in 1993 cut off her husbands penis then drove off and threw it out of the window, after hitting the windscreen of a passing car in which were two nuns, and vibrating across the bonnet, 0ne nun said to the other, "Did you see the size of the dick on that fly?"

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Oh ****.....

I just dropped my phone in the bath.......

Now it's syncing

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@Wilso,

Quote:

The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella.

But he hesitated.

I've furled my umbrage at that drollery.

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A skeleton walks into a bar. It orders a beer and a mop.

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@snood,

ouch!!!!!

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Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

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