203
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
Builder
 
  2  
Reply Mon 6 Sep, 2021 09:31 pm
Three Irish blokes, Mick, Pat, and Tat, were at a bar, and the barman asked them if they were related. "Sure," said Mick. "We're triplets...". The barman said "How can you be triplets when you two are six feet tall, and that one is five feet nothing?"

"Well," said Mick, "Pat and I were breast-fed, so there was no tit for Tat..."
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 02:49 pm
https://bouncymustard.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/14-share-funny-meme.jpg
Below viewing threshold (view)
The Anointed
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2021 07:56 pm
@Frank Apisa,
Said old father Clancy to Mickey Spilane
“You been fighting young man and he beat you again”

“Aye dat he did farder, but you know it’s a fact
Shaune O’Shaunasee flattened me wit a bat”

“A bat you say, well now young man
Were you holding nothing yourself in your hand?”

“Aye dat I was farder, t’ was something real grand
I was holding Shaune’s girlfriends tit in me hand!”

“Ah! Tis a fine ting to hold in your hand all right
But it’s too bloody soft to be used in a fight”
The Anointed
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 1 Oct, 2021 12:28 am
@The Anointed,
Said Shaune to Missus O’Shaunasee, her eye all swollen and black
“You bin fighting again young woman, who’d give you an eye like dat.”

T’was dat damned old Missus Finnigan, da bluddy inquisitive hag
She wanted to know bout everything, even what I had in me bag.
I was off to see the doctor, urine sample in a jar
And I tought I’d have a nip of gin, so I stopped into Finigan’s bar.

And dere she was as always, wantin to know what I had in me bag
So, I told her it was urine, da bludy inquisitive hag.
Urine, she said, what’s urine, oh lord deres somethin amiss
Surely she knew dat urine was just another word for piss.

So, I turned and I screamed at dat woman, while holdin the urine jar
Piss in a bottle I says to her, and dats when she jumped the bar.
Piss in a bottle, she says to me, well you can poop in your hat
And dat’s how da fight got started, and dat’s why me eye is BLACK…….. The Anointed.
The Anointed
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 1 Oct, 2021 10:37 pm
@The Anointed,
Do infants enjoy infancy as mush as adults enjoy adultery?
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Oct, 2021 05:14 am

https://iili.io/52a0aj.jpg
0 Replies
 
BillW
 
  3  
Reply Sat 9 Oct, 2021 12:24 am
https://www.jokejive.com/images/jokejive/c4/c495e009268d43c82266112bcf2ac2aa.jpeg
BillW
 
  2  
Reply Sat 9 Oct, 2021 12:40 am
@BillW,
https://i.pinimg.com/236x/4b/cb/56/4bcb56c8b86b7e8308fc5373c3a3fb33--funny-jokes-funny-sayings.jpg
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Oct, 2021 05:32 am

https://iili.io/5Bojfa.jpg
The Anointed
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 16 Oct, 2021 05:37 am
@Region Philbis,
The doctor asked me if I was regular, and I said; "I sure am Doc, every morning 6 AM my bowels are released," Well that's excellent said the doctor.

No it's not I said, cos I don't wake up till 7 AM.
The Anointed
 
  0  
Reply Sat 16 Oct, 2021 08:19 pm
@The Anointed,
Quote:
The doctor asked me if I was regular, and I said; "I sure am Doc, every morning 6 AM my bowels are released," Well that's excellent said the doctor.
No it's not I said, cos I don't wake up till 7 AM.


It is not recommended to take Laxatives and sleeping pills on the same night.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Oct, 2021 11:37 pm
@Region Philbis,
I assume dawn is the name of some cleaning product, otherwise that makesno sense.
The Anointed
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 16 Oct, 2021 11:56 pm
@izzythepush,
Yes, the salesman was demonstrating a new cleaning product for washing clothes, and the few pieces of clothing that the housewife gave him, he placed in a wash tub, and while swirling the clothes around in the tub, he chanted; "Wash and wash in ocean dawn, it makes your clothes so clean and warm, then put your clothes up to your nose, Hmmm, Smells like a rose.

He then asked the woman if she had any other clothing that needed washing, but all she could produce were her under panties that she had worn over the last week. So, taking her underwear he placed them into the tub, chanting as he swirled them around in the new cleaner; "Wash and wash in ocean dawn, makes your clothes so clean and warm, put your clothes up to your nose and---'PHEW', WASH and WASH in ocean dawn.

Sounds better when spoken with a slight speech impediment, such as wose for rose, and tothes for clothes, etc.
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Oct, 2021 06:05 am
@izzythepush,

yup, very popular item here... can even unclog the sink...

https://iili.io/5Bg02S.jpg
0 Replies
 
 

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