200
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
lmur
 
  4  
Reply Sun 27 Dec, 2020 10:33 am
@Frank Apisa,
Later that night, the same bear lurched towards the bar-counter and drunkenly said 'gimme a whiskey and....ahm....soda.'

The barman refused. 'You've had enough. Go home, my furry friend.'

Enraged, the bear sank his teeth into the counter, removing a large chunk. 'WHISKEY AND....AHM...SODA NOW!' he roared.

'Sorry,' said the barman, 'I don't serve drunken bears that take drugs.'

'Whaddya mean? Take drugs. I don't take drugs.'

'You don't?' Replied the barmen. 'What about that bar bit you ate?'


Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Sun 27 Dec, 2020 11:36 am
@lmur,
lmur wrote:

Later that night, the same bear lurched towards the bar-counter and drunkenly said 'gimme a whiskey and....ahm....soda.'

The barman refused. 'You've had enough. Go home, my furry friend.'

Enraged, the bear sank his teeth into the counter, removing a large chunk. 'WHISKEY AND....AHM...SODA NOW!' he roared.

'Sorry,' said the barman, 'I don't serve drunken bears that take drugs.'

'Whaddya mean? Take drugs. I don't take drugs.'

'You don't?' Replied the barmen. 'What about that bar bit you ate?'





Had to read that through a couple of times, Imur...the last one out loud.

That did the job. Funny!

ANYWAY...the bear then went out into the woods to take dump. Sitting across from him was a rabbit also taking a dump.

The bear asks the rabbit, "Do you ever have trouble with **** sticking to your fur."

"Never," answers the rabbit.

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
0 Replies
 
coluber2001
 
  3  
Reply Sun 27 Dec, 2020 06:38 pm
https://pics.onsizzle.com/imagine-if-americans-switched-from-pounds-to-kilograms-overnight-othere-66555373.png
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  4  
Reply Sun 3 Jan, 2021 09:57 am
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
Walter Hinteler
 
  5  
Reply Sun 3 Jan, 2021 10:16 am
@Phoenix32890,
He was feeling cold, so he turned off the outside fans.
-
The other passengers in the helicopter didn't like that.
0 Replies
 
crackedhead
 
  0  
Reply Sun 3 Jan, 2021 10:44 pm
In the end Little Johnny learned one lesson

Sex will eventually ruin your life
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jan, 2021 05:42 am

https://iili.io/KPSp5J.jpg
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Fri 8 Jan, 2021 10:55 am
@Region Philbis,
https://imgur.com/oerasuw.jpg
Source: Safely Endangered
0 Replies
 
cherrie
 
  3  
Reply Sat 9 Jan, 2021 08:56 pm
What do you call a flock of sheep rolling down the hill?


A lambslide.
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  3  
Reply Mon 11 Jan, 2021 06:27 pm

https://iili.io/KZiye2.jpg
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Mon 11 Jan, 2021 11:39 pm
Courtesy of Stephen King via twitter

Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory? There was nothing left but debris.
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jan, 2021 05:49 am
@hingehead,

he should have the good sense not to quit his day job...
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Jan, 2021 07:05 am
@Region Philbis,
Region Philbis wrote:


he should have the good sense not to quit his day job...


I thought it was funny.

But...I live in New Jersey so I didn't have to think about it very long.
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jan, 2021 08:47 am
@Frank Apisa,

gimme a slice of brie on a triscuit, and i'm a happy camper...
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jan, 2021 10:16 am
@Region Philbis,
Region Philbis wrote:


gimme a slice of brie on a triscuit, and i'm a happy camper...


I love da brie...or damn near any odda cheese.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jan, 2021 10:18 am
@Region Philbis,
Region Philbis wrote:


gimme a slice of brie on a triscuit, and i'm a happy camper...


Great Tony Curtis piece of dialogue, if it had actually taken place:

My brudda, da odda prince, tole my fadda, da king, dat my mudda, da queen was angry wit him.
0 Replies
 
NSFW (view)
coluber2001
 
  3  
Reply Wed 13 Jan, 2021 12:39 am
https://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/1035099/86182124.jpg
0 Replies
 
Builder
 
  0  
Reply Wed 13 Jan, 2021 01:15 am
A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Thu 14 Jan, 2021 01:13 am
https://i.pinimg.com/564x/e5/28/c3/e528c35782eecb5db598f809b19b8650.jpg
 

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