203
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
coluber2001
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Sep, 2020 02:30 am
https://pics.me.me/are-u-two-girls-from-england-wales-are-u-two-37077820.png
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Sat 12 Sep, 2020 06:00 am
@coluber2001,
coluber2001 wrote:

https://pics.me.me/are-u-two-girls-from-england-wales-are-u-two-37077820.png


Okay...that one I laughed at.
0 Replies
 
htam9876
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Sep, 2020 10:45 pm
Today, somebody asked me in my "Foreign language bar of cosmos" : who the hell is Piggy?
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Tue 15 Sep, 2020 03:49 am
A drunk is walking home through a graveyard and he falls into an open grave freshly dug for the funeral the next day. The drunk tries time and time again but the walls are way too steep and slippery so he keeps falling back in. After a while he decides to give it up as abad job and settle down the the night as best he could.

Half an hour later another drunk stumbles through the graveyard, and, like the first, falls into the open grave. He tries to get out as well with similar results. Just as he’s deciding to settle down for the night a voice from the far end of the grave says, “You’ll never get out.”










































He did.
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Tue 15 Sep, 2020 06:06 am
@izzythepush,
Izzy, I laughed so hard it almost hurt!

You have a lot of nerve posting that winner in a "Bad Jokes" thread!
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Tue 15 Sep, 2020 06:08 am
@Frank Apisa,
Thanks Frank, it made me laugh when I first heard it too.
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Sep, 2020 11:17 am

https://i.imgur.com/8zW8628.png
chai2
 
  6  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2020 01:01 pm
@Region Philbis,
This guy just canceled a date with me. Said he was having an irregular heart beat.

Sounds like a fib to me.
chai2
 
  5  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2020 01:03 pm
@chai2,
I think he needs to pace himself.
0 Replies
 
coluber2001
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Oct, 2020 04:58 pm
What do you you call surrogate mothers?


Wooms to go
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  3  
Reply Sat 10 Oct, 2020 07:59 am

https://i.imgur.com/Zxo6wFK.jpg
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Oct, 2020 10:12 pm
https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4e/83/bf/4e83bf8cd2105f97643d8cba2c6996b2.jpg
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Oct, 2020 10:21 pm
https://i.pinimg.com/564x/51/b9/41/51b9411fc4358173bd4d216e525a0dd6.jpg
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  6  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2020 12:41 pm
An old joke from an old friend:

Ira Kaplan, hadn't returned to the old neighborhood since he went off to fight in Vietnam.

During a business trip to New York he visits his old neighborhood on Jerome Avenue in the Bronx. Everything has changed over the years.

Where once there was Edelstein’s Delicatessen, there is now a McDonald’s.

Where Fleischman’s Dry Cleaning (One-Hour Martinizing) used to be, a Korean nail salon and spa now is.

Where Ginsberg’s Department Store was, there is now a Gap.

Nothing is the same, except for the narrow storefront of Jaffe's Shoe
Repair, which, dimly lit as ever, is still in business.

As Kaplan passes the shop, he recalls (such are the quirks of memory that he does not know how) that just before he was drafted to go off to Vietnam, he had left a pair of shoes with Mr. Jaffe that he never bothered to pick up.

Could they, he wonders, possibly still be there?

A small bell tinkles as he enters the dark shop.

Mr. Jaffe, who seemed old 40 years ago, shuffles out from the back. He is hunched over, wearing a leather apron, one eye all but closed.

“Excuse me, Mr. Jaffe,” Kaplan says, “but I used to live in this
neighborhood, and 40 years ago I left a pair of shoes with you for

repair that I never picked up. Is there any chance you might still have them?”

Jaffe stares at him and, in his strong Eastern European accent, asks,
“Vas dey black vingtips?”

“They were indeed,” Kaplan only now recalls.

“And you vanted a halv sole, mit rubber heels?”

“Yes,” says Kaplan. “That’s exactly what I wanted.”

“And you vanted taps on the heels only?”

“Yes, yes,” says Kaplan. “Amazing! Do you still have them?”

Mr. Jaffe looks up at him, his good eye asquint, and says,

“Dey’ll be ready Vendsday.”
Frank Apisa
 
  3  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2020 01:19 pm
@Roberta,
Roberta wrote:
An old joke from an old friend:


Saw where that was heading quickly, Roberta, but enjoyed the telling anyway. Reminded me of an old favorite of mine.

Just before debarking from a ship in Honolulu, Hawaii, two guys get into a friendly disagreement about whether the correct pronunciation of the Island state was "Hawaii" or "Havaii." They had heard both used...and ended up betting $5 on the issue. They agreed to ask the first person they met after stepping off the gangway.

So they spoke to the first person they saw after stepping on land and asked, "Do you pronounce the name of this state as Hawaii...or Havaii.

"It is Havaii," the guy says.

"Thank you," says the winner with a smile.

"You're velcome," comes the reply.
roger
 
  3  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2020 03:24 pm
@Frank Apisa,
That's old enough that I remember it.
0 Replies
 
Builder
 
  3  
Reply Fri 23 Oct, 2020 06:18 pm
Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
chai2
 
  4  
Reply Sat 24 Oct, 2020 11:54 am
@Builder,
What do you call a vain Viking?

A Norse-icist
0 Replies
 
Borat Sister
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2020 04:13 pm
@Roberta,
Laughing Laughing Laughing
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2020 10:47 am

https://i.imgur.com/cH1tdbk.jpg
0 Replies
 
 

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