Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

4. THE OLDER WOMAN SPEEDING

An older woman gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

or if there's breakfast sausage

R(inside joke)P

I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen, I saw a man frying chips. I asked him, “Are you the friar?”

He replied, “No, I’m the chip monk…”

hearty har har....

why is beef stew not a good password ??

It's not stroganoff

Sekhmet Is So Fiery, That People Can't Handle Her Because Of Sekhmet-Hand Smoke.

I Wanted To Be Special In The Ghetto, So I Decided To Be A Prodi-G.

Ah, well you got 50% of the brief - your posts are bad, pity they're not jokes.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philippe Phaloppe.
-Gyles Brandreth.

In my humble opinion everyone who plays with fonts does it because their actual opinions have no value - it's a distraction tactic.

In these days of social distancing and "bubbles" not every location has the same rules. I hear that the seven dwarves have been told they can only congregate in a group of six. One of them is not Happy.

No, It's Me, And It's Different From "You" (Those On The Forums That Have Been Writing In The Same Style Similar To Each Other For Years), You Don't Like It Because It's Different, It's Just What Humans Do On This Planet, Complain About Things That They Let Bother Them, For What Is Harmless Otherwise.

Besides, If You Agree With Me Now, We Both Can Be Right, And Can Be Called The "Right" Brothers.

Whatever your reason for doing it, it's annoying and very hard to read.

I Generally Have A Rule Of Thumb, I Don't Mind Annoying People That Are Easy To Annoy, But I Am Very Mindful To People That Are Hard To Annoy. I Have To Live In A World That Thinks Einstein And Edison Are More Academic-Savvy Than Nikola Tesla, You Don't See Me Complaining About It, I Just Find Intelligent Ways To Express Things, I Don't Know How To Complain, It's An Alien Ability To Me.

But To Be Fair, I Did Go Into A Thread Where People Come To Escape Reality In Mindless Humor, Which Is The Polar Opposite Of My Way, I Just Did Not Expect To Get Down Voted For Making "Bad Jokes" In A "Bad Jokes" Thread, Does That Mean They Weren't Bad?

I agree with cherrie. In fact, I won't read a presentation like that. If you don't want it to be read, just keep it up.

Now, Now. Throughout Life, I Have Learned The Virtues Of Patience, And I Have Never Had Trouble Understanding Foreign Speakers, Or People Speaking In Strange Dialect, Or People Writing In Some Kind Of Enigmatic Code, Or Reading Your Tiny Robotic Sentences. People Have Different Ways Of Expression, I'm Perfectly Fine If The Robots Can't Handle My Pretty Posts, I've Always Preferred Neo (Left-Brain) Over Smith (Right-Brain).