“Dad, how do you feel about abortions?”
“Well, why don’t you ask your sister?”
“But I don’t have a…”
A double-whammy! Brain dead, two times.
I've spent the last two days waiting for the plumber. He arrived at 11:05 p.m. tonight and left at 11:15. Problem fixed. This situation has put me in mind of a very old, bad joke.
A couple goes out for the afternoon, forgetting that the plumber was supposed to come over to fix a drain.
The plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The couple's parrot, a talker, says, "Who is it?"
The plumber says, "It's the plumber." He waits, but no one comes to the door so he knocks again. The parrot says, "Who is it?" The plumber again says, "It's the plumber." This goes on for a while. The plumber knocking, the bird asking, "Who is it?" and the plumber saying again and again, "It's the plumber."
Each time it happens the man becomes increasingly angry, upset, and frustrated. He reaches a point where he can no longer stand it. He has a heart attack and drops dead right in front of the door.
The couple arrives home. They are shocked to see a dead man lying on the floor outside their door. The wife says, "Who is it?"
The parrot says, "It's the plumber."
Why do we have armies??
So we can wave our handies
I had to pay a dollar to put air in my tires the other day. It used to cost a quarter.
Well, that's inflation for you.
Better than a deflation tire.
Someone’s getting fired at Netflix today
<shaking head in disbelief>
I called to our local apiarist and asked for a dozen bees. He counted out thirteen. I said: "That's one too many." "Consider it a freebie", he replied.