Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Why would you even know that?

It's on The Great Rock and Roll Swindle.

hinge, I know this is the bad jokes thread. But still, there's got to be a limit somewhere. Go stand in a corner. Go on.

After the crucifixion not only the Jewish High Priest Caiaphas dressed as a shepherd was spying the tomb of Jesus but also the apostles, waiting for his resurrection.

At the third day, the earth started to shake hard and the big stone covering Jesus' tomb rolled to one side, and a light from inside illuminated the outside.

Caiaphas and the others were blinded by that light and they saw the figure of a man entirely wrapped with cloth jumping and going very fast away from the tomb.

Caiaphas was the first one to recover a clear vision and recognized the jumping man wrapped with a cloth as Jesus.

-Jesus! Now I believe in you. You really has resurrected, you are the Son of God, I beg you now, give me your blessing.

Jesus, kept jumping going away from the place.

-What the heck with you with blessings... Run! can't you feel the earthquake?!

What! No dunce cap?

Dunce cap? I don't want to start a trend. It's enough that I see people with pink, purple, and blue hair. If I'm not careful, these same people will be walking around with pointy heads.

Standing in a corner is fine with me.

when my dad was a wee lad he was something of a trouble-maker.

so grandma would tell him to go stand in the corner, which he did.

however, he refused to face the corner, and would instead face the room and stare at everybody defiantly...

Was staring at the wall part of the punishment? I never had to do this, so I don't know what the rules are.

My not having to do this had nothing to do with my behavior (it wasn't so good). My mother had a different approach to punishment.

i believe so...

I must have been a bad student. The teacher hit my hand with a ruler when I was in the 5th or 6th grade.

Catholic school? Good times...

You remind me a real event that became a joke in school.

The teacher in the room of Geography used to have his flat, thick wood stick to hit on the hands of students who forgot to make or bring their homework.

As the students learned to low their hands at the same speed of the stick directed to the palm in order to make lesser the impact, the teacher managed to make the student to direct his eyes to a different direction.

The room of geography had the map of the fifty states all around on the top of the walls. So, the teacher always locating himself on his desk area, told the student to look at the map of Arkansas, which was located on the back of the student when facing the teacher.

In this way, the student never knew when the impact of the stick will happen in the palm of his hand.

So, the students learned the expression "look at Arkansas" which were the words of the teacher before punishing the student.

But, one day, the teacher had five students in line waiting for the punishment because they didn't bring their homework.

The teacher called the first of them, asked him to rise his arm directing it to him with the palm up, and his words "look at Arkansas".

The student directed his eyes over the teacher's head. The teacher said again, "look at Arkansas", and the student make a greater effort looking over the teacher's head.

In that moment, the teacher realized that something was wrong. He looked at the wall in front of him and the map of Arkansas wasn't there.

The teacher looked at his back and saw the map of Arkansas hanging on the wall where his desk was located.

The teacher laughed and laughed by the trick made by an unknown student, and he forgave the punishment that day. He left the map of Arkansas hanging in its new place.

In the next class, to the ones who forgot their homework, the teacher started a new phrase before the punishment, "look at Mississippi", which was the map of the state located on the side of the missing map of Arkansas.

It was a parochial school, but not catholic. It was a 7th Day Adventist school, because somebody sponsored my attendance to that school. We were too poor to pay any tuition. One of the reasons I became a atheist is because the teachers talked badly about catholics, but more than that, there were too many contradictions that I was not able to rationalize about the teachings of the bible. All my siblings are still christians. I've always been the yellow sheep of our family. After many years after my service in the Air Force, I learned about this planet being 4.5 billion years old based on science, rather than the bible's 7,000 age of this planet. Being a christian requires ignoring much of what science has taught us. Also, I also have problems with the appearance of the "savior come-lately."
The appearance of homo sapiens sapiens evolved, but scientists do not agree upon our origin. From my POV, I see the evolution of humans from the primate family. The DNA is close enough, and the physiology confirms it for me. http://humanorigins.si.edu/evidence/genetics

I believe the conclusion that we originated in Africa is not 100%, but that's the best scientists have come up with - until now.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/evolution-of-earth/

I went to a Catholic school from kindergarten to eighth grade. I dreaded every day. They tried to make us into mindless chanting robots. I rebelled at an early age and found science. It took me well into my adult years to finally shake off the brainwashing. I look back at myself and thank god (Ha Ha Ha!) I came to my senses! I see my family and others who have remained devout Catholics all these years and I pity them. It's as if they have a mental illness of some kind... one that prevents them from applying logic to problems and situations.

A friend asks to the owner of a motel
-Why do you charge less in Winter season?
-Because in Winter the nights are shorter.

Mostly same story here Tom, but I continued with that mess through high school.
My family were "convenience Catholics" meaning they could lay on the guilt, but didn't ever really explore their beliefs.

Wow!

The number of past victims of rape in Catholic schools is increasing... ha ha ha ha (dark joke)