Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they're on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green.
Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''
If you are lucky you might find one you haven't seen before.
Did you hear about the chameleon who can't change color?
He has a reptile dysfunction
@FBM,
maybe the ranger hit in the mouth and he got his wires crossed.
"Mouth Rushmore" would be a good nickname for some political candidates.
@George,
or a radio person..
(I said tv first but I guess he's radio only. I've never listened to him.)
A second-grade teacher is teaching the students about the alphabet. She says, "Can anyone give me a word that starts with the letter A?" One of the kids waving their hand in the air is little Johnny. But the teacher knows that Johnny has a dirty mind, and that if she picks him, he's going to say the word "ass." So she picks Cindy instead, who says the word "apple."
The teacher then says, "Can anyone give me a word that starts with the letter B?" Lots of kids are waving their hands in the air, but little Johnny is waving his hand like mad. The teacher sees him, but knows that if she picks him, he'll say the word "bitch" or "bastard." So she picks Timmy instead, who says the word "balloon."
So the teacher gets to the letter R, and says, "Who can give me a word that starts with the letter R?" Of course, there's little Johnny waving his hand in the air like there's no tomorrow. The teacher thinks to herself that there's no dirty word that starts with the letter R, and so she picks little Johnny. And Johnny says, "Rat! A big fuckin' rat, with a cock this long."
A bear and a rabbit are sitting in the woods side by side taking a dump. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "So, tell me, rabbit, do you have trouble with **** sticking to your fur?"
"Nope. Not at all," the rabbit replies.
The bear says, "Good," and then grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
While walking along a beach, a guy sees a pretty girl in a wheel-chair and stops to talk to her. As they're talking, she tells him that she lost the use of her legs in a terible accident, and then asks if he will push her along the beach, and so he does. As they're talking, she says to him, "You know, ever since I've been in this wheel-chair, I've never been kissed."
The guy says, "Well I can fix that." Then he leans down and gives her a big kiss.
A little farther along the beach, she says to him, "And ya know, ever since I've been in this wheel chair, I've never been fucked."
The guy says, "Heck, I can take care of that." So he pushes her along until they reach a boat-dock. He then pushes the wheel-chair onto the dock and starts running full speed and lets go of the chair when they reach the end of the dock. The girl and chair go flying into the water. The chair sinks out of sight as she flails about, desperately trying to stay afloat. The guy stands at the end of the dock and says to her, "There . . . now you're fucked."
A kid is playing video games at the arcade in town one night when another kid comes bustin' through the door all out of breath and grabs him by the shoulders and says, "Jim! Ya gotta get home. Some kid is beatin' up on your dog with a big stick."
So, the kid forgets about the video game and runs like a bat out of hell out the door and takes the shortcut home. He runs as fast as he can through parking lots and over a couple of fences, tearing his favorite jeans, and then through some mud puddles. Finally he starts to slow down and then comes to a stop. He then scratches his head and says to himself, "What the hell am I running for, my name ain't Jim, and I don't have a dog."
Guy comes home from work early and catches his wife in the bed with another guy. He says, "What's going on here?"
His wife turns to the guy she's in bed with and says, "See, I told you he was stupid."
