Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

What did one orphan say to the other?

"Get in the batmobile, Robin."

Found on Tumblr:

A man got hit on the head with a can of Coke. He was alright, though, because it was a soft drink.

What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets toad away.

What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? "Put it on my bill."

Instead of the "John," I call my toilet the "Jim." It sounds better when I
say I go to the Jim every morning.

My son came to me and said "Dad, was I adopted?"
I said "Yes. But it didn't work out for them so they gave you back to us."

That's freaking good, George. It should be in the 'good jokes' thread.

From the barista via the refec chef this morning:

What sort of bees make milk?











Boobies.

How about putting the ******* laundry in the ******* dryer yourself, **** face.

I love it when you sweet-talk Boita.

A Texas State trooper pulled over an old dusty pickup driven by a cowhand from a nearby ranch as he headed east on I-10 near Fort Stockton. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The cowboy replied, "Bout' whut?"

Yeah buddy.

That's right up there with "**** you you ******* ****"

Warning: BLOND JOKE ALERT


PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS
GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS​ SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.


SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS,​ ​AND THAT SHE
WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.


THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS ​THE PILOT AND THE
CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE​ BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT
BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND
WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.


THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE
ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY ,SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M ​ GOING TO TORONTO AND
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE
WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO
REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS; I'M MARRIED TO
A BLONDE.. I SPEAK BLONDE.."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M
SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES ​BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO
MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO ".

[Job interview]

"What are your strengths?"

Me: I fall in love easily.

"Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?"

Me: Those blue eyes of yours.

Boidy, you're my kinda gal. When my son was 14 and was really cool, he didn't like his schoolmates to think he had parents. One evening I was dropping him off for a school dance or something special and he insisted I drop him off about 3 blocks from the entrance, I said why walk in the dark and his 14 year old self said, he didn't want his friends knowing he had to be dropped off by his uncool mom. ok, I was a little steamed but just waited.........Didn't have to wait long, for reasons I still don't know my husband got "an invitation" to test drive a 86 Baby Bens. Well not only were we not in the market, we didn't need a car we couldn't afford. But my husband loves cars, and Eric overheard our conversation when Rodney called and made an appt. to drive a car that neither one of us could afford to buy. Then, Mr. Super cool said wow are you going to test drive the Mercedes model (I can't remember what it was) and we said yes, he immediately asked if he could go with us. So, I hemmed and hawed a little and said ok, but he would have to lay flat on the back seat, he asked 'why?' and I told him that very few of our friends and co workers knew we had children. He was a tad pissed, but got the msg., and yes we took him and didn't make him lay flat, He loves cars. We didn't buy the Mercedes, because we didn't have that kind of money. But the Prince learned a lesson that day.

But the laundry lesson didn't gell until he was around 15.

There is a lesson to be learned here folks, Moms don't forget anything that might be useful at a later date. 14 year old boys can't image those creaky old uncool 38 year old women ever did anything, we were born at age 30. If you think you are sharp as tack, and your mom is dull, think again. your mom has been 14, you haven't gotten to 38 yet.

https://www.facebook.com/PearlsComic/photos/a.254744753763.172598.132583843763/10153511956563764/?type=1&theater

Three lawyers are walking down the street. The first is carrying some luggage. He's taking his case to court.The second is carrying a ladder. He's taking his case to a higher court.The third is dressed in nothing but his boxers. He lost his suit.


I was playing Scrabble with some friends last night. We were all enjoying it immensely, but it ended up in a mass brawl over a missing tile. Yes, it's all fun and games until somebody loses an "i".


Did you hear about the litigation fetishist who got off on a technicality?



I took legal action against an airline over missing luggage.

They lost the case.