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Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
carloslebaron
 
  1  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2015 06:28 am
A very known joke:

A child returned home from school and started to do her homework.

The mother passed by thru the kitchen and heard her doing math.

-Two plus two, the son of the b*tch is four. Three plus three, the son of the b*tch is six. Four plus four, the son of the b*tch is eight...

The mother called the father by phone and he also heard how the little girl was doing her math homework.

Next day, both parents went to the school to complaint against the teacher. After showing the principal how their daughter learnt to add at school, the teacher was called.

When explanations were demanded, the teacher laughed. This was a case of misunderstanding or lack of cleaning the girl's ears.

-What I taught in class was two plus two, the sum of which is four, three plus three, the sum of which is six...
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2015 06:53 am
@panzade,
panzade wrote:

I'm sure this has been posted but it bears repeating.


I heard it a bit differently:

Three Southern Belles are sitting on the porch, sipping iced tea, and talking.

The first Southern Belle brags, "My Daddy loves me so much, he bought me a brand new diamond bracelet!"

The second Southern Belle seems a bit put out, but the third one just smiles and says, "Well, isn't that nice!" (drawl that last bit.... "isn't thaht nahss.")

The second Southern Belle offers, "My Daddy loves me so much, he bought me a brand new Cadillac!"

The first Southern Belle grimaces, but the third one just smiles, fans herself, and says, "Well, isn't that nice!"

There's silence for a bit, but the other two just can't stand it, and have to ask, "Well, what did your Daddy do for you?"

The third Southern Belle says, "My Daddy loves me so much he sent me to Finishin' School."

The other two look at each other, and one says, "Finishin' School? What the heck good is Finishin' School?"

The third Southern Belle smiles and answers, "It's where they teach you to say 'isn't that nice' instead of '**** you." (Drawl that last bit out, too, with contempt. 'fuuck yooo.')
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Mon 8 Jun, 2015 09:56 pm
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/39/9a/da/399ada9bf1a0215c6b144f2c9444ced4.jpg
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Jun, 2015 11:13 pm
@hingehead,
Heehee...
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Jun, 2015 12:55 am
Someone's just described me as being spicy.
*looks straight at the camera*
I'll take that as a condiment.
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Jun, 2015 12:59 am
https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/11377340_1007400339294631_4578922887272978220_n.jpg?oh=187455e8589e043efdac36599bd82166&oe=55EA6207
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Jun, 2015 01:01 am
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1342470562694_8284590.png
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Tue 9 Jun, 2015 01:05 am
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/-i-took-an-honesty-test-today-id-never-stolen-one-before-56467.png
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Jun, 2015 02:58 am
@hingehead,
http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb192/DinahFyre/hehe.gif
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  2  
Reply Tue 9 Jun, 2015 01:07 pm
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"


"I don't like her."
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Tue 9 Jun, 2015 01:30 pm
@Phoenix32890,
Reminded me of this oldie.

There was a man who had 3 girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each 1 $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first 1 went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The 2nd one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The 3rd one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought hard about how each of the women spent the money.

Finally, being a man he decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

FBM
 
  2  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2015 03:17 am
@hingehead,
http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb192/DinahFyre/11390285_868773023159214_4612973566104157564_n.png
0 Replies
 
Wilso
 
  3  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2015 04:59 am
http://i58.tinypic.com/kajj2v.jpg
0 Replies
 
Wilso
 
  3  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2015 05:07 am
A devout Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel!"
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Jun, 2015 06:47 pm

https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/10489773_10156339467865377_8166820122618005361_n.jpg?oh=d9b547df48036e9c08db6102ea5cf2fd&oe=55E8661E
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2015 07:39 pm
Been given the world's largest deck of cards.
It's a lot to deal with right now.
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2015 07:45 pm
Accordion to a recent survey 90% of people don’t notice when you replace words with the names of musical instruments.
0 Replies
 
lmur
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Jun, 2015 01:55 pm
Please spare a thought for my grandfather. He was feeling a little poorly recently so we rubbed lard on his back.

He went quickly downhill after that.
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Jun, 2015 11:26 pm
There's a huge leak in our fridge

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/20/22/6a/20226af170de3817cebcb225da579b0e.jpg
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Jun, 2015 05:05 pm
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
0 Replies
 
 

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