Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that Im granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* shes gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* shes gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "Im sorry, but that name just doesnt ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
Well, after "Super Bowl XLIX", the NFL is opting for "Super Bowl 50" instead of "Super Bowl L".
An American institution is abandoning Roman numerals for Arabic.
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. . .
"You just happened to catch my eye."
No Groaning ..... Just Laugh
I swear Phoenix tell's the worst jokes . . .
. . . Salute !! ! !
A man woke up out of bed. What was the first thing he saw? DEEZ NUTS. AHA
Are you related to carlosbaron?
mercifully much less long-winded.
Masturbating when connected to a heart monitor gets the nurses going, they never know if you are coming or going!